Miscellaneous stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Happy Birthday, Darling!"Fiction and non-fiction prose
18 total reviews
Comment from Muffins
The who, what, where, and why are crystal clear in this gruesome piece. The ending offers a clue into this guy. . When the wife, children and so called friends gather around to kill you, it's a good guess your not a nice guy.
The swift, execution style is unique, silent and quick. At least he didn't see or feel anything. His house is the perfect place for the setting ,and the birthday party is the perfect why. This was a great piece to read.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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The who, what, where, and why are crystal clear in this gruesome piece. The ending offers a clue into this guy. . When the wife, children and so called friends gather around to kill you, it's a good guess your not a nice guy.
The swift, execution style is unique, silent and quick. At least he didn't see or feel anything. His house is the perfect place for the setting ,and the birthday party is the perfect why. This was a great piece to read.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thanks so much, Muffins, for the lovely review. I'm glad you found the who, what, where and why obvious. I was hoping that would be the case, but sadly not everyone found it to be so. Your comments are much appreciated. Craig.
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Your welcome. More flash fiction, please!
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi Craig,
I read through this surprise contest entry. There is a touch of poetic justice as delivered with a flavor of tales from the Crypt Keeper... infamous 'hunter', hunted. He is led to one place expecting one thing, and then experiences something else that would be considered as a horrifying surprise... unless you are 'big game', then that's just the acceptable outcome. Though Walt in your short story had it nice... a clean shot that didn't result in suffering followed by more shooting.
I wasn't sure about the connection to birthday party, other than... well it's the traditional surprise with a canned expectation. And the end result is very different than the expectation, which would come as many levels of surprise. I'm not sure everyone will get the context if they aren't current in news, but not much can be done there.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Hi Craig,
I read through this surprise contest entry. There is a touch of poetic justice as delivered with a flavor of tales from the Crypt Keeper... infamous 'hunter', hunted. He is led to one place expecting one thing, and then experiences something else that would be considered as a horrifying surprise... unless you are 'big game', then that's just the acceptable outcome. Though Walt in your short story had it nice... a clean shot that didn't result in suffering followed by more shooting.
I wasn't sure about the connection to birthday party, other than... well it's the traditional surprise with a canned expectation. And the end result is very different than the expectation, which would come as many levels of surprise. I'm not sure everyone will get the context if they aren't current in news, but not much can be done there.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Hi Turtle. Well, it turns out you were correct. A number of people didn't seem to have a clue what it was about. I'm not even sure how that is possible, but there you go. That thought never even occurred to me! I agree I let Walt off far too easy. Craig.
Comment from Pen of Fire
Now that's a surprise Walt could have done without. Well written and a surprise for all your readers. Liked to have heard more about why the arrow. Another time perhaps.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Now that's a surprise Walt could have done without. Well written and a surprise for all your readers. Liked to have heard more about why the arrow. Another time perhaps.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Thanks, Pen of Fire, for your review. Much appreciated!
Comment from mommerry
There were no SPAG errors nor sentence structure problems but I did not think this was a complete story. Having someone shoot an arrow in front of a roomful of family just didn't make sense.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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There were no SPAG errors nor sentence structure problems but I did not think this was a complete story. Having someone shoot an arrow in front of a roomful of family just didn't make sense.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Thanks for reviewing, much appreciated.
Comment from Michaelk
That's quite a surprise birthday present, especially for the rest of the people at the party. The irony would've been if the arrow had gone right through and stuck in the lion cake.
Your story is good and quite trendy.
I loved the twist at the end, it was a fitting reversal of fortune.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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That's quite a surprise birthday present, especially for the rest of the people at the party. The irony would've been if the arrow had gone right through and stuck in the lion cake.
Your story is good and quite trendy.
I loved the twist at the end, it was a fitting reversal of fortune.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Thanks, Michael, for the kind review. Much appreciated.
Comment from BeasPeas
You did a good job with this little story challenge. That certainly was a surprise birthday present for him and probably well deserved.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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You did a good job with this little story challenge. That certainly was a surprise birthday present for him and probably well deserved.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Thank you, BeasPeas, for your kind remarks. Much appreciated.
Comment from ellie6
Yes, that must have been quite a surprise! What a birthday. A well imagined little piece. I can picture the cake in the shape of a lion and the family gathered round.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Yes, that must have been quite a surprise! What a birthday. A well imagined little piece. I can picture the cake in the shape of a lion and the family gathered round.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Thanks, Ellie for stopping by and reviewing my story, much appreciated. Glad you were able to picture it :)
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
They were mean. What an awful family. Today is my birthday and I would not be happy if that is what my family did. Go back and haunt them. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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They were mean. What an awful family. Today is my birthday and I would not be happy if that is what my family did. Go back and haunt them. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Thanks, Darlene. I'm sure they're being haunted already :)
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your welcome
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Oops, and also, Happy Birthday :)
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Thank you.
Comment from TPAC
Okay. I sense the writer has a little bit of gore, but this is in my opinion, love the bang, bang ending very keen wit, I found the read interesting and inspiring
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Okay. I sense the writer has a little bit of gore, but this is in my opinion, love the bang, bang ending very keen wit, I found the read interesting and inspiring
Comment Written 02-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Thank you TPAC for your kind words.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello mystery writer
I don't understand this story. Why was the whoosh of the arrow familiar? I know 80 words is hard to tell a whole story but it just leaves me wanting more.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Hello mystery writer
I don't understand this story. Why was the whoosh of the arrow familiar? I know 80 words is hard to tell a whole story but it just leaves me wanting more.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015
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Wanting more is not always a bad thing. It's familiar, because the guest of honour is a hunter. Thanks for checking out my story, Gypsy :)
