Freedom's like...
Just another word.96 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
I think Kris kristofferson was thinking along another track altogether with his line - maybe something like 'Those who have nothing have a kind of freedom unknown to those who struggle to maintain possessions.'
Not that it matters for the context of your poem which graphically describes the illusion of freedom, comparing it to summer storms and fickle spring.
This comes to its main point pleasingly at the end and the whole poem flows sweetly with good rhythm and rhyme. I suspect your control of these aspects has improved a lot since you joined FanStory, Roy. What do you think?
Steve
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
  |
I think Kris kristofferson was thinking along another track altogether with his line - maybe something like 'Those who have nothing have a kind of freedom unknown to those who struggle to maintain possessions.'
Not that it matters for the context of your poem which graphically describes the illusion of freedom, comparing it to summer storms and fickle spring.
This comes to its main point pleasingly at the end and the whole poem flows sweetly with good rhythm and rhyme. I suspect your control of these aspects has improved a lot since you joined FanStory, Roy. What do you think?
Steve
Comment Written 01-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2015
-
Yes Steve, I've learnt a lot particularly from fine traditional poets like yourself, ( am I being presumptuous?) but it has become easier, the critiques have helped a lot too! So thanks for your considerable help, great review, thanks again, blessings, Roy.
Comment from ravenblack
Freedom without some sort of anchor be it a goal, family or a sense of the sacred is like a kite without a string. Sure, you will drift high for awhile, but coming down without some sort of compass and your frame will be broken, never to fly again. Good spiritual poem that can apply to everyone.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
|
Freedom without some sort of anchor be it a goal, family or a sense of the sacred is like a kite without a string. Sure, you will drift high for awhile, but coming down without some sort of compass and your frame will be broken, never to fly again. Good spiritual poem that can apply to everyone.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
-
Thanks, for the great review and uplifting comments, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Serendipity!
There is much to appreciate about this poem. The rhythm, cadence is so smooth almost lilting. Freedom bought with the price of One Man is so much more lasting and real than so called freedom created by slaughtering hundreds and taking others prisoners. I like the first two lines a lot. The 'boot' of the tyrant may press down heavily but his control can be swept from our hearts and minds at least, by the winds of the Holy Spirit.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
|
There is much to appreciate about this poem. The rhythm, cadence is so smooth almost lilting. Freedom bought with the price of One Man is so much more lasting and real than so called freedom created by slaughtering hundreds and taking others prisoners. I like the first two lines a lot. The 'boot' of the tyrant may press down heavily but his control can be swept from our hearts and minds at least, by the winds of the Holy Spirit.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
-
Thanks, for the great review and uplifting comments, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello John,
I have to say I enjoyed your clear message in this inspiring write. I also appreciated your solid use of imagery, simile and the conviction of your poem to make your point.
You delivered this splendid piece of work in wonderful rhyme and meter which made for an easy read...well done.
...and about Janis, I think personally she was referring to the nothing she gained from the freedom Bobby gave her when he left...just a thought.
I hope all is well with you,
Bill
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
|
Hello John,
I have to say I enjoyed your clear message in this inspiring write. I also appreciated your solid use of imagery, simile and the conviction of your poem to make your point.
You delivered this splendid piece of work in wonderful rhyme and meter which made for an easy read...well done.
...and about Janis, I think personally she was referring to the nothing she gained from the freedom Bobby gave her when he left...just a thought.
I hope all is well with you,
Bill
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
-
Thanks Bill, for the great review and uplifting comments, yes I know, I was merely using it metaphorically, blessings, Roy.
Comment from isb63
Have you tried expressing this poem in Free Verse? I think the writing is hampered by having to conform to a rhyming structure. It also might allow for more imagery and better use of poetic devices.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
 |
Have you tried expressing this poem in Free Verse? I think the writing is hampered by having to conform to a rhyming structure. It also might allow for more imagery and better use of poetic devices.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
-
Tell me why did you give it 3 stars, just because you don't like the style??!? That's not helpful! Thanks for the review !
Comment from Taffspride
I wish I had a six left to give you for this well written work.
The rhythm and rhyme were absolutely spot on, and read aloud perfectly.
You also have a very profound message in this work. And our freedom should never be taken for granted.
Thanks for sharing.
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
|
I wish I had a six left to give you for this well written work.
The rhythm and rhyme were absolutely spot on, and read aloud perfectly.
You also have a very profound message in this work. And our freedom should never be taken for granted.
Thanks for sharing.
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
-
Thanks Ann, for the great review and uplifting comments, your approval's enough, blessings, Roy.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
The bible verses make a good comparison to your poem. Good examples. I loved that song Roy. Very well done Roy.:<) Nancy
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
|
The bible verses make a good comparison to your poem. Good examples. I loved that song Roy. Very well done Roy.:<) Nancy
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
-
Thanks Nancy, for the great review and uplifting comments, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Dr. Ron
This is excellent! the use of symbols is evocative and clear, and you make the distinction between the true meaning and cost of freedom, compared to the word we throw around carelessly. And also, how fragile it truly is, if we are not willing to defend it with some kind of sacrifice.
Thank you!
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
|
This is excellent! the use of symbols is evocative and clear, and you make the distinction between the true meaning and cost of freedom, compared to the word we throw around carelessly. And also, how fragile it truly is, if we are not willing to defend it with some kind of sacrifice.
Thank you!
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
-
Thanks Ron, for the great review and uplifting comments, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Jacob Collins
An interesting piece on the concept of freedom. I think that in today's world we can't really claim to have freedom especially with the threat of terrorism, threatening our lives daily, those thoughts are always on my mind. What more must we have to do to feel free? A well written piece, Roy, thanks for sharing...Jacob
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
|
An interesting piece on the concept of freedom. I think that in today's world we can't really claim to have freedom especially with the threat of terrorism, threatening our lives daily, those thoughts are always on my mind. What more must we have to do to feel free? A well written piece, Roy, thanks for sharing...Jacob
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
-
Thanks for the great review and uplifting comments, I think freedom is being at peace, other freedoms are simply not there, blessings, Roy.
Comment from salvatour
I love your poem especially how you manage to bring the relationship bibilically between freedom in real life situation and in the bible i love also the part that says we must sacrifice death for life good work
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
|
I love your poem especially how you manage to bring the relationship bibilically between freedom in real life situation and in the bible i love also the part that says we must sacrifice death for life good work
Comment Written 31-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2015
-
Thanks, for the great review and uplifting comments, blessings, Roy.
-
welcome
