haiku (energy and mass)
haiku contest entry22 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely with a correct line and syllable count. The imagery is stunning and certainly concrete, solidly supporting the brilliant observation at the end. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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This meets the contest requirements nicely with a correct line and syllable count. The imagery is stunning and certainly concrete, solidly supporting the brilliant observation at the end. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Actually, the committee disqualified it for rhyming. None the less, I'm glad you liked enough to give it a great review.
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Get out of town!!! I hardly think "mass" and "expanse" a true rhyme as it could not have been "fireworks". This is a wonderful write and I am really sorry that they booted it - I hope you get an All Time Best out of it just to show it was a worthy entry.
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Thank you for your support. They didn't even give me a chance to fix it.
Comment from scd41
It is a scientific fact that the whole universe is full of energy and mass. You have intelligently touched on this aspect.The satori is most appropriate for universe where mass and energy conversion is going on eternally which results in gigantic fireworks.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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It is a scientific fact that the whole universe is full of energy and mass. You have intelligently touched on this aspect.The satori is most appropriate for universe where mass and energy conversion is going on eternally which results in gigantic fireworks.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you, for the lovely review
Comment from rama devi
Clever and creative entry. A strong contender for my vote. Meets all requirements well. Superb word economy with no wasted syllables. Great choice of words FLUNG...inky expanse. Excellent alliteration of E with energy, expanse and eternal.
Love the satori line:
eternal fireworks
Fine presentation too.
Good luck.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Clever and creative entry. A strong contender for my vote. Meets all requirements well. Superb word economy with no wasted syllables. Great choice of words FLUNG...inky expanse. Excellent alliteration of E with energy, expanse and eternal.
Love the satori line:
eternal fireworks
Fine presentation too.
Good luck.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Unfortunately, it was disqualified for rhyming. None the less, I'm thrilled you liked it.
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Huh? It did not rhyme! Expanse and mass do not rhyme, they share assonance and consonance. I do not think this should have been disqualified. Geez!
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I didn't either, as felt they were more of a slant rhyme if rhyme at all. Also, they didn't even let me have a chance to fix it! Thank you for letting me vent. Hugs
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That truly sucks. I wonder whose on the committee? They are being too stringent...and it is incorrect, also, to call that rhyme. You could contest it with Tom...let him know they were too severe and gave no chance to change it also. He should know this, and perhaps he will intervene.
You're most welcome to vent when/if you need to. :) Hugs, rd
Comment from Dean Kuch
Based on some of the stunning images I've seen captured by the massive Hubble telescope of the cosmos, I can certainly see how the connection to fireworks could be arrived at.
The carefully chosen words of your well written haiku also provide us a glimpse beyond earth's stratosphere and into the galaxies, only from a completely different perspective--our imaginations. Your first two grammatically connected lines create a concrete image, and your satori puts the icing on the cake.
An outstanding entry. Good luck in the contest.
~Dean
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Based on some of the stunning images I've seen captured by the massive Hubble telescope of the cosmos, I can certainly see how the connection to fireworks could be arrived at.
The carefully chosen words of your well written haiku also provide us a glimpse beyond earth's stratosphere and into the galaxies, only from a completely different perspective--our imaginations. Your first two grammatically connected lines create a concrete image, and your satori puts the icing on the cake.
An outstanding entry. Good luck in the contest.
~Dean
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Great review, Dean. Unfortunately, the committee disqualified it for rhyming which I didn't catch. None the less, I'm glad you liked it. Great review by the way
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I don't understand some of the decisions the CEC arrives at, Val. But you are more than welcome all the same. :)
~Dan
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Thank you, Dean. They didn't even give me a chance to fix it.
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They usually don't, Val. believe me, I know. ;|
Comment from Amy Greta
Excellent universe haiku! I love how you described space as an inky expanse, and then: eternal fireworks; how clever, as well as a beautiful way to visualize space and all it's glory. Awesome artwork too!
Best of luck,
Amy
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Excellent universe haiku! I love how you described space as an inky expanse, and then: eternal fireworks; how clever, as well as a beautiful way to visualize space and all it's glory. Awesome artwork too!
Best of luck,
Amy
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Thank you, Amy.
Comment from Debbie Noland
Your universe haiku is wonderfully visual, with the "inky expanse" serving as a kind of canvas against which those "eternal fireworks" may be viewed. There is much energy contained in this little poem, from the "Big Bang" it suggests to the continuing show of "fireworks."
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Your universe haiku is wonderfully visual, with the "inky expanse" serving as a kind of canvas against which those "eternal fireworks" may be viewed. There is much energy contained in this little poem, from the "Big Bang" it suggests to the continuing show of "fireworks."
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Energy of the universe and the human spirit is exactly what I was after, in this little haiku. Thank you for getting it.
Comment from royowen
A really good entry in this Haiku-universe contest. This is an articulate expression and a strongly worded way of presenting astronomical truth, well done, a very strong entry in this contest, good luck, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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A really good entry in this Haiku-universe contest. This is an articulate expression and a strongly worded way of presenting astronomical truth, well done, a very strong entry in this contest, good luck, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Thank you, Roy!
Comment from Glasstruth
In so few words you've expressed what an endless universe is. Love the phrase: "eternal fireworks" You couldn't have said this better. Superb. Good luck with the contest. Les
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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In so few words you've expressed what an endless universe is. Love the phrase: "eternal fireworks" You couldn't have said this better. Superb. Good luck with the contest. Les
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Thank you, Les!
Comment from lightink
What an enchanting cosmic image! This poem is the perfect proof that science can be romantic! You melded motion and stillness really well in this! Great haiku!
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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What an enchanting cosmic image! This poem is the perfect proof that science can be romantic! You melded motion and stillness really well in this! Great haiku!
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Thank you! I especially like the word "romantic" As all life comes from an attraction.
Comment from Sis Cat
Reading this poem made me say "Ah" when I read your satori, "eternal fireworks." This is an apt way to describe the galaxy, the universe, the Big Bang. Your words are well chosen to convey this wonder. Your poem refreshed me. Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Reading this poem made me say "Ah" when I read your satori, "eternal fireworks." This is an apt way to describe the galaxy, the universe, the Big Bang. Your words are well chosen to convey this wonder. Your poem refreshed me. Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Thank you, and the perfect words for me were "refreshed me" Do we not live in an amazing space and time. Love this review
