Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

I love the whimsical in your poem, your loved one being compared to the big cosmos out there. You capture the essence of true love by your words of devotion. Excellent rhyming and use of similes. Good luck in the contest. Faye

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015

Thank you, Faye, for your very kind words and your good wishes. They are both very much appreciated. Craig.

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

This is a fantastic mixture of beauty and bathos. For example in the red corner, representing beauty:

"no star commands the power you have
to wipe away my frown."

Oh she'll love that, quite beautiful really.
And in the blue corner, representing bathos:

"You're basically just carbon
with some other stuff thrown in;"

I mean, that's really going to drive her into your arms isn't it?

The overall effect is quite hilarious and, as long as she has a sense of humour you'll be all right, if she hasn't you'd better get in touch with the cosmos quick. or failing that, "Beam me up, Scottie!"

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015

Haha PG, thanks for the insightful review. I even learned a new word - I seriously hadn't heard of "bathos" before. Fortunately for me, she has a rollicking sense of humour! Most grateful for your kinds words, they are very much appreciated.
Craig.

reply by Pantygynt on 27-Jul-2015

I am very fond of bathos. It is a device that often appears unintentionall as the result of some error on the part of an author, there is the big build up and then this damp squib thing. But it is great when somebody introduces it on purpose as a kind of opposite view of things as you have done. Loved it.

Comment from I am Cat

Exceptional

well... I absofuckinglutely love this.
Alpaca lunch and you get the car. (that about sums it up, doesn't it?)
lol
It sounds just like you... and you and Jayne sound like you fit together perfectly.
The only thing which upsets me is that you just stole my last six.
And it's only monday.
I'm going to refer every single poet back here to you when they wonder why their work didn't garner a six for the rest of the friggin week.

This just SCREAMED for it.
It's full of such wonderful wistfulness and humor that just made my heart smile.
I can feel the seasoned love and wonderful hand in hand smirks going on.
I loved it.
I read it to my husband and we both laughed and smiled through it.
I absolutely loved it.
Well done Craig.
You have my vote. lol
damn
lol

my favorite part:

'* * *
They say our world will barbeque
four billion years from now
that doesn't bother me a bit-
I'll be dead anyhow.'

lol
priceless.

Cat

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015

Geez, Cat, I don't think I've ever had a more begrudging, reluctant sixer! In all seriousness, I'm honoured to have stolen your last one -- I take that as a very big compliment. That last quoted bit is bathos; PG told me that (but I'll bet you knew lol). Thanks again Cat, your kind words mean the world to me.
Craig.

Comment from Kingsland

Excellent

I will usually just skip by a romantic poem. This one was not your typical run of the mill romantic mush. This poem was rather clever and creative. It also flowed well within its thoughts and phrases. This poem is well worthy of all five stars awarded here... John

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015

Thanks, John, for your kind review. I feel silly that I somehow managed to get it listed under stories instead of poetry - trying to sort that now. All the best, Craig.

Comment from giraffmang

Exceptional

Hi,

You know what I love about this poem the most - the pure simplicity of it. It is beautiful and real with great imagery that does not overpower the feelings.

Great stuff.
G

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015

Wow, thanks so much, GMG, for the wonderful review, and the six stars. That's made my day! (Well, night here). I feel a dill that I seem to have got it stuck in the story section instead of poetry - trying to sort that now. Thanks again, Craig.

Comment from ellie6

Excellent

A lovely romantic poem. It speaks of a mature love that has weathered the early years and settled down into contentment, while still retaining the magic. Well written

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 Comment Written 27-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015

Thank you, Ellie, for your kind review. Much appreciated. Craig.

Comment from Judgement Dave

Excellent

A lovely love poem, with a pleasing rhyme scheme.
Really liked the humour in the opening stanza, and the stanzas beginning "You're not a goddess" and "Yet when you turn your smile" stood out for me.
Good luck in the contest.
Cheers
JD

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015

Thank you for your very positive review, and your good wishes. Both are very much appreciated :)