Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Dream Walker"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
22 total reviews
Comment from forestport12
So happy for your success. I read where the Animal doctor has been accepted for publication? Awesome. I thought this story had the potential to be nominated. That first chapter I read about the ball field on the edge of the woods is still in my head the way you paint scenes and bring deeply felt characters to life. Stan
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2015
  |
So happy for your success. I read where the Animal doctor has been accepted for publication? Awesome. I thought this story had the potential to be nominated. That first chapter I read about the ball field on the edge of the woods is still in my head the way you paint scenes and bring deeply felt characters to life. Stan
Comment Written 28-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much, Stan. I missed you reading me.
Comment from --Turtle.
(This story has a great pace and attention to details, the dialogue is easy to read, good control of the tags too, a nice mix of action and dialog tags)
she was fully dressed she snatched up her heels and walked to the door bare-feet(barefoot)?.
(Nice foreshadow this misunderstanding with his lady was coming, I believed his surprise, and her upsettedness)
I'm too shook up to drive."
(This man is kinda losing his man card, though... too shook up to drive? Karl should have called him out on that, maybe make up a different reason for them to drive together?)
"I'm sorry(,) Uncle Ward, I didn't mean anything. I just thought--"
(missed this comma)
Nice chapter here, you do well on explaining what is going on, keeping the reader informed. I have been having some trouble with that, myself... you make it look very easy.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
 |
(This story has a great pace and attention to details, the dialogue is easy to read, good control of the tags too, a nice mix of action and dialog tags)
she was fully dressed she snatched up her heels and walked to the door bare-feet(barefoot)?.
(Nice foreshadow this misunderstanding with his lady was coming, I believed his surprise, and her upsettedness)
I'm too shook up to drive."
(This man is kinda losing his man card, though... too shook up to drive? Karl should have called him out on that, maybe make up a different reason for them to drive together?)
"I'm sorry(,) Uncle Ward, I didn't mean anything. I just thought--"
(missed this comma)
Nice chapter here, you do well on explaining what is going on, keeping the reader informed. I have been having some trouble with that, myself... you make it look very easy.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review me. I will take another look at the chapter and apply your suggestions.
Comment from sharonmealler
Wow! What an amazing twist to the story. I'm so sad it will be the last for a while. But I am thrilled about your book going to publisher. That's wonderful. This is an easy-to-follow story. The action is on-going and doesn't stall out. I will be eagerly awaiting the next chapter once all your other stuff if completed. Good luck with the editing. I am a huge fan.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
|
Wow! What an amazing twist to the story. I'm so sad it will be the last for a while. But I am thrilled about your book going to publisher. That's wonderful. This is an easy-to-follow story. The action is on-going and doesn't stall out. I will be eagerly awaiting the next chapter once all your other stuff if completed. Good luck with the editing. I am a huge fan.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
-
Oh, thank you so much, my dear. I've missed you, though. I'm not being notified of your posting. I thought I was a fan, but I guess I'm not. I'll do something about that.
-
No, I haven't posted anything in a while. I'm having trouble with my old computer and everytime I get on it, it freezes up. I'll be back soon I hope.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm sure that Jessie is in the middle of a serious setback with Rebecca, and there isn't any way that he's going to be able to convince her that something didn't cause those bite marks and scratches. But on the other hand, it doesn't appear to be too big of a problem. That is if he can find plenty of time to sleep and dream. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. Thanks for the pleasure of another fine chapter. Wishing you the best, and just hope you don't have to be away too long. :-)
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
|
I'm sure that Jessie is in the middle of a serious setback with Rebecca, and there isn't any way that he's going to be able to convince her that something didn't cause those bite marks and scratches. But on the other hand, it doesn't appear to be too big of a problem. That is if he can find plenty of time to sleep and dream. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. Thanks for the pleasure of another fine chapter. Wishing you the best, and just hope you don't have to be away too long. :-)
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
-
So, you agree with Karl. Far f****g out? :) Thank you for reviewing, Ric.
Comment from Ulla
Amahra, I have no six left so a five it is. It is a very well written chapter and the whole thing is getting very spooky. Understand you have to concentrate on other things and looking forward to reading on when you are back. I am enjoying this. Ulla
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
|
Amahra, I have no six left so a five it is. It is a very well written chapter and the whole thing is getting very spooky. Understand you have to concentrate on other things and looking forward to reading on when you are back. I am enjoying this. Ulla
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
-
Thank you, Ulla. I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, it's getting pretty spooky. :)
Comment from country ranch writer
sounds like a spiritual sex kitten wants him all to herself and now the dreams are getting him into trouble with his lady friend hope he finds a cure for what ails him so to speak
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
|
sounds like a spiritual sex kitten wants him all to herself and now the dreams are getting him into trouble with his lady friend hope he finds a cure for what ails him so to speak
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
-
Thank you so much.
-
s m i l e s
Comment from Lesley Collier
A frightening story of a disturbance of nature followed by a young man being molested by strange marks on his body as he smiles in his sleep. This young man, Jessie, has nights of sleeplessness and strange dreams which bother him and he wants to get some sleep but remembers he has a hot date with his girlfriend. He prepares an elaborate supper and when she arrives he completes the meal and they sit down to a scrynptuos supper with wine which then leads them to the bedroom. During making love his girlfriend discovers bite marks all over his body as well as scratches on his back. Thinking he is cheating on her she storms out. Karl, his friend with whom he has confused to about his dreams, finally rings on the telephone and he relates everything that happened to him with his girlfriend. Karl suggests he visit his uncle who deals in the supernatural and may have an explanation for him. Karl phones his uncle to set up an appointment and drives Jessie to see him. The uncle paces back and forth before coming up with an answer to the phenomenon. He believes Jessie has been exposed to a female devil from medieval times called the succubus. He shows Jessie a picture from a old book. Karl makes a joke about the fact the succubus seduces men through their dreams with intense sex but Jessie is not amused and asks the uncle why this this would be after him. The uncle doesn't know but tells him that is what they must find out. Well written with a wonderful plot and the exciting drama of the supernatural!
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
|
A frightening story of a disturbance of nature followed by a young man being molested by strange marks on his body as he smiles in his sleep. This young man, Jessie, has nights of sleeplessness and strange dreams which bother him and he wants to get some sleep but remembers he has a hot date with his girlfriend. He prepares an elaborate supper and when she arrives he completes the meal and they sit down to a scrynptuos supper with wine which then leads them to the bedroom. During making love his girlfriend discovers bite marks all over his body as well as scratches on his back. Thinking he is cheating on her she storms out. Karl, his friend with whom he has confused to about his dreams, finally rings on the telephone and he relates everything that happened to him with his girlfriend. Karl suggests he visit his uncle who deals in the supernatural and may have an explanation for him. Karl phones his uncle to set up an appointment and drives Jessie to see him. The uncle paces back and forth before coming up with an answer to the phenomenon. He believes Jessie has been exposed to a female devil from medieval times called the succubus. He shows Jessie a picture from a old book. Karl makes a joke about the fact the succubus seduces men through their dreams with intense sex but Jessie is not amused and asks the uncle why this this would be after him. The uncle doesn't know but tells him that is what they must find out. Well written with a wonderful plot and the exciting drama of the supernatural!
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
-
Thank you, Lesley. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from Mastery
Very well written, Harriett. Your book is coming along beautifully.
So many good uses of strong verbs and fine imagery ...Like: "Then the covers mysteriously scrolled from his chest to the foot of the bed, and his T-shirt rolled up, revealing his tan muscular frame. Small impressions were made on the soft spots of his abdomen, like invisible lips pressing in on him. A captive of his slumber, he smiled and moaned throughout the night.
*****
And here" "Jessie cracked the window and pulled a cigarette from the pack. He lit it and was careful to turn his head towards the window when he exhaled. It was nearly ten o'clock at night and the ride became bumpy as they crossed the railroad tracks leading to the outside of the city.
Thanks to your descriptive powers, I can actually SEE these things
Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
|
Very well written, Harriett. Your book is coming along beautifully.
So many good uses of strong verbs and fine imagery ...Like: "Then the covers mysteriously scrolled from his chest to the foot of the bed, and his T-shirt rolled up, revealing his tan muscular frame. Small impressions were made on the soft spots of his abdomen, like invisible lips pressing in on him. A captive of his slumber, he smiled and moaned throughout the night.
*****
And here" "Jessie cracked the window and pulled a cigarette from the pack. He lit it and was careful to turn his head towards the window when he exhaled. It was nearly ten o'clock at night and the ride became bumpy as they crossed the railroad tracks leading to the outside of the city.
Thanks to your descriptive powers, I can actually SEE these things
Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
-
Wow, thank you, Bob. I'm glad you liked those lines. Your review means a lot to me.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Excellent chapter, full of action and tension. You kept the story moving nicely and it was a great read. I didn't find any obvious errors. Great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
|
Excellent chapter, full of action and tension. You kept the story moving nicely and it was a great read. I didn't find any obvious errors. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
-
Thank you so much Shirley. I really appreciate your review and so many stars.
Comment from cflorian8
I found your story to be fantastically dark and imaginative. Your thoughts flowed easily from paragraph to paragraph, which made visualization of each scene a breeze.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
|
I found your story to be fantastically dark and imaginative. Your thoughts flowed easily from paragraph to paragraph, which made visualization of each scene a breeze.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
-
Well, thank you, my dear and not just for the six stars. I'm delighted to have a new reader of my work. Thank you so much for reading me. I hope you will read more. .
