Tiny Tales of Terror
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "The Miner's Daughter"Multi-authored book of flash/micro horror fiction
13 total reviews
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi,
_ Eeeeewwww, in search of a tasty brain.
_ Mr. Friendly at the bottom looks like I could do the job! (*<*)
_ Good story, and addition to this book.
Found a little SPAG for you....
>>> Typo: Unless possessive, use upper case: dad/Dad
>>> Lower case: my dad, your dad, their dad, etc.
_ "Don't worry, dad.
>>> Use 'period' not 'comma.' Not a dialogue tag. John smirked stands on its own.
_ John smirked[,](.) "Many--the worst accident
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
  |
Hi,
_ Eeeeewwww, in search of a tasty brain.
_ Mr. Friendly at the bottom looks like I could do the job! (*<*)
_ Good story, and addition to this book.
Found a little SPAG for you....
>>> Typo: Unless possessive, use upper case: dad/Dad
>>> Lower case: my dad, your dad, their dad, etc.
_ "Don't worry, dad.
>>> Use 'period' not 'comma.' Not a dialogue tag. John smirked stands on its own.
_ John smirked[,](.) "Many--the worst accident
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Thank you Jax :)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I enjoyed this.
A lot of build up before the sudden change at the end.
Nicely written and kept its tone throughout.
GMG
John, Nichol's dad,- perhaps consider moving this to tag the first piece of dialogue. -
"Dammit, Nichol! You can't come with me!" John said. and delete it from its current place thus negating the descriptor of having to say Nichol's Dad as it is followed by her saying Dad. I think it would feel cleaner.
and you're alright. - need closing speech marks here.
lucky ones that made it out alive.
Ten men died. 1 was never found." - couple of things here. The formatting is off and it would be better to write one, for consistency with ten in the previous sentence.
as it crunch into - crunched.
in search for - in search of.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
|
Hi there,
I enjoyed this.
A lot of build up before the sudden change at the end.
Nicely written and kept its tone throughout.
GMG
John, Nichol's dad,- perhaps consider moving this to tag the first piece of dialogue. -
"Dammit, Nichol! You can't come with me!" John said. and delete it from its current place thus negating the descriptor of having to say Nichol's Dad as it is followed by her saying Dad. I think it would feel cleaner.
and you're alright. - need closing speech marks here.
lucky ones that made it out alive.
Ten men died. 1 was never found." - couple of things here. The formatting is off and it would be better to write one, for consistency with ten in the previous sentence.
as it crunch into - crunched.
in search for - in search of.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
-
Thank you :)
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, gypsy, you did an excellent job writing this short story about the woman who pushed her way into the cave with the miners and became lunch for the missing miner....the headache ended up having a head ache.....
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
|
this is an excellent write, gypsy, you did an excellent job writing this short story about the woman who pushed her way into the cave with the miners and became lunch for the missing miner....the headache ended up having a head ache.....
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
-
Thank you sweetwoodjax :) I am pleased you like it.
