When Blood Collides
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "The Unexpected Letter"A family's love is tested.
22 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Your mom will be disappointed, but nursing home care is often temporary, as in my mom's case. Then she came to live with us until she died suddenly of a stroke. Just the day before, she'd gone to lunch with friends, feeling great. Drove her own car, even. That's the way to die, suddenly. Much better than the way I'm doomed to die.... slowly, a little each day. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll have a stroke too. See? I'm always an optimist. :)
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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Your mom will be disappointed, but nursing home care is often temporary, as in my mom's case. Then she came to live with us until she died suddenly of a stroke. Just the day before, she'd gone to lunch with friends, feeling great. Drove her own car, even. That's the way to die, suddenly. Much better than the way I'm doomed to die.... slowly, a little each day. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll have a stroke too. See? I'm always an optimist. :)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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I hear you and hope to go quick myself. Your mother's story proves that we can't predict death. Supposedly there is a way, but the gal who taught me tarot and numerology won't give away secrets. I personally would like to know!
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I know when I will die, and have known for fifty years or so. I just didn't know how until I got COPD.
I will die on Tuesday, October 19, 2021. I dreamt it one night in college. Not the kind of thing one forgets. Since I have had dream predictions come true, as well as lots of esp dreams, it's likely true. Especially since my condition is severe and I should have just five or six years left.
Do I really believe this? Yes and no. But it's very close to the day I SHOULD die, so that's hard to ignore.
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Okay, it's definitely time to start your bucket list. But I guess COPD would limit your choices. You still have a lot of years left though. I wish I knew how to heal you, dear friend.
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There is a new treatment using coiled plastic strings to pull the lungs in and increase surrface area. It's in trials. My doctor was involved in one of the trials, and she said it's promising. THe patients said they could breathe better and it added years to their lives, so far. I am not bad enuf for it, she said. It's good for the final years, to give you more time to lie in bed motionless or use a wheelchair with a big tank of oxygen attached. No fun in any case, but who knows what else they are working on? I have slight hope, but it's going to kill me eventually. I'd rather be shot while refusing to turn over my gun to a new commie govt. I'll go down shooting for sure. :)
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Makes me think of labor pains. I never knew such agony existed. I pretended I was being tortured by the Vietnamese. It gave a noble meaning to my hurt. :-)
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Don't even mention labor pains. I'm 70 and still remember vividly. That's why I only had one kid. LOL!
Comment from alexisleech
Phew! I'm glad my worst fears weren't realised. I looked after my dad in his early nineties when I hijacked him out of the hospital he'd been sent to after he fell out his bed one morning (remember we don't pay anything for the National Health!) The nurse said 'But you don't need to look after your father.' My response was 'Yes, I know I don't have too, but I would rather take him home because he feels wretched being away from his home.' I fought tooth and nail to keep him there and believe me, changing your Dad's diapers was something I never expected to do, but it was fine, and he made a full recovery and continued to live in his own home until he was 93. What killed him? Being taken into a home for two weeks to be assessed! I reckon if that hadn't happened, he would have happily lived for a few more years.
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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Phew! I'm glad my worst fears weren't realised. I looked after my dad in his early nineties when I hijacked him out of the hospital he'd been sent to after he fell out his bed one morning (remember we don't pay anything for the National Health!) The nurse said 'But you don't need to look after your father.' My response was 'Yes, I know I don't have too, but I would rather take him home because he feels wretched being away from his home.' I fought tooth and nail to keep him there and believe me, changing your Dad's diapers was something I never expected to do, but it was fine, and he made a full recovery and continued to live in his own home until he was 93. What killed him? Being taken into a home for two weeks to be assessed! I reckon if that hadn't happened, he would have happily lived for a few more years.
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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Wow! That's quite a story. Maybe he died of heartbreak or fright, thinking he would in the home forever.
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I think that's exactly what he thought. We actually reported the home because he didn't even get any breakfast the first day he was there (this was confirmed by the kitchen because they didn't even know there was someone in his room) and we found some of his medication on the floor when we visited. Please shoot me before I have to suffer that kind of indignity!
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How tragic. I hope you reported it.
Comment from Deniz22
Well done...bankrupt on sixes today or you would get them...the thought crosses my mind you may be helping people who are either presently facing a similar situation with family or are anticipating same...you certainly showed grace under pressure...a class act for sure. JB is impressed.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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Well done...bankrupt on sixes today or you would get them...the thought crosses my mind you may be helping people who are either presently facing a similar situation with family or are anticipating same...you certainly showed grace under pressure...a class act for sure. JB is impressed.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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I do hope this would help others, but haven't decided if I will publish it yet. I'm glad you liked. :-) Mama
Comment from Sasha
I am pleased Barb apologized avoiding another painful war. I am so sorry about your mother. Going into a nursing home will be hard for her. I do hope it all works out for all of you.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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I am pleased Barb apologized avoiding another painful war. I am so sorry about your mother. Going into a nursing home will be hard for her. I do hope it all works out for all of you.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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Thanks, sasha. My dad died in a nursing home six years prior to this. That wouldn't help Mom's fears. He was in for a heart attack followed by stroke or vice versa. I forget the details!
Comment from judiverse
I didn't know doctors could be deciders like the one you described, making arrangements for the nursing home. My experience has been that it is left up to the family, with the doctor giving his recommendation. Your mother seems to realize her situation, and thinks of making arrangements for sale of the condo. Good that Barbara apologized, but the tone of the letter sounds pretty formal. You do an excellent job of having the reader experience the emotions involved in this family situation. judi
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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I didn't know doctors could be deciders like the one you described, making arrangements for the nursing home. My experience has been that it is left up to the family, with the doctor giving his recommendation. Your mother seems to realize her situation, and thinks of making arrangements for sale of the condo. Good that Barbara apologized, but the tone of the letter sounds pretty formal. You do an excellent job of having the reader experience the emotions involved in this family situation. judi
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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Thanks, judi. It may have been the hospital that made the order. I'm a bit fuzzy on that. What I remember clearly will be in the next post.
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You're very welcome. Probably the procedures for admittance to a nursing home vary from state to state. judi
Comment from Debbie Noland
There is such an inevitability involved when that decision for the nursing home is made. It often forces both patient and family to admit that one's independence is gone and, usually, irreversible deterioration of health has occurred. It makes family acknowledge helplessness where care of a loved one is concerned.
You convey this scenario and its accompanying emotional trauma well.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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There is such an inevitability involved when that decision for the nursing home is made. It often forces both patient and family to admit that one's independence is gone and, usually, irreversible deterioration of health has occurred. It makes family acknowledge helplessness where care of a loved one is concerned.
You convey this scenario and its accompanying emotional trauma well.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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Thanks, Debbie. I appreciate your insights and remarks on my writing skills as well.
Comment from IndianaIrish
Your mom sounds so sweet, Shari. I liked she told you she was happy at your house. How sad they talked her into moving out. Things may have been so different for you. I did find a couple punctuation typos for you to fix up.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
"I'll tell her sometime tomorrow," the doctor continued. "I hate to upset her, so I'll wait until the last moment.(")
Barb can have the other large hooked rug(.)"
"See you as soon as school lets out tomorrow around three-thirty.(")
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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Your mom sounds so sweet, Shari. I liked she told you she was happy at your house. How sad they talked her into moving out. Things may have been so different for you. I did find a couple punctuation typos for you to fix up.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
"I'll tell her sometime tomorrow," the doctor continued. "I hate to upset her, so I'll wait until the last moment.(")
Barb can have the other large hooked rug(.)"
"See you as soon as school lets out tomorrow around three-thirty.(")
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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Thanks for catching my spags, Karyn. Sweet is a perfect description of Mom. In her youth she was a beauty and aged well. Next post- a picture of her in her sixties.
Comment from Dean Kuch
When I arrived home and checked the mail, I found a small [vanilla?] manilla envelope addressed to me in awkward handwriting as if by a child.---------Isn't it "manilla" envelope, Shari?
You must've felt so helpless knowing that your mom was going to be placed in a nursing home. Especially considering how she felt about it. But even though you wanted to take her home with you, even then you knew you would not be able to give her the round-the-clock care that she desperately required. So, what else could you do?
I was happy to hear that Barbara apologized for slapping you. It must have been weighing heavily on her mind.
I dread hearing your mother's reaction when she's finally told where she'd be going after leaving the hospital. I'm quite certain you were dreading hearin her reaction yourself at the time.
~Dean
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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When I arrived home and checked the mail, I found a small [vanilla?] manilla envelope addressed to me in awkward handwriting as if by a child.---------Isn't it "manilla" envelope, Shari?
You must've felt so helpless knowing that your mom was going to be placed in a nursing home. Especially considering how she felt about it. But even though you wanted to take her home with you, even then you knew you would not be able to give her the round-the-clock care that she desperately required. So, what else could you do?
I was happy to hear that Barbara apologized for slapping you. It must have been weighing heavily on her mind.
I dread hearing your mother's reaction when she's finally told where she'd be going after leaving the hospital. I'm quite certain you were dreading hearin her reaction yourself at the time.
~Dean
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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"Vanilla" as in the color of the envelope and stationery. Manila is heavier and not used for correspondence unless including something like pictures or a disc etc. Everything was moving so fast, I was too tired to worry at this point.
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Now, see? You learn something new every day. I did not know that.
~Dean
Comment from barkingdog
I'm holding my breath for when your mother finds out that the doctor is sending her to a nursing home. Also, how Dee and Barbara will react.
It was nice of Barbara to apologise for hitting you, but in my heart, I'd still know that it happened and the memory would hold on. Things could never be exactly the same.
:) ellen
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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I'm holding my breath for when your mother finds out that the doctor is sending her to a nursing home. Also, how Dee and Barbara will react.
It was nice of Barbara to apologise for hitting you, but in my heart, I'd still know that it happened and the memory would hold on. Things could never be exactly the same.
:) ellen
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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Barb and I did eventually become close again, but I never mentioned that scene to her. Why bring back bad memories?
Comment from Jay Squires
"Please tell her why I can't take care of her." A tear slipped down my cheek. [What a sad moment, perfectly described. You had my eyes welling.]
I found a small vanilla envelope addressed [Did you mean manilla envelope? I've never heard of "vanilla" envelopes. It would be better to say simply envelope than have 20 readers ask the same as I.]
didn't mention the doctor, [Extra space after "mention"]
Bobby's apartment, I wanted [Extra space after comma.]
"I remember how your father read the assigned pages the day before. "Just keeping one step ahead of my students," he would say. ["... the day before. 'Just keeping one step ahead of my students,' he would say." >> I don't know if you can understand my fix, but you have a quote within a quote that is not punctuated correctly. I make those mistakes all the time.]
I hope the doctor explains it well to your mother. She could be hurt you were keeping it from her. A delicate balance of responsibilities.
Great job bringing this to life, Shari.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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"Please tell her why I can't take care of her." A tear slipped down my cheek. [What a sad moment, perfectly described. You had my eyes welling.]
I found a small vanilla envelope addressed [Did you mean manilla envelope? I've never heard of "vanilla" envelopes. It would be better to say simply envelope than have 20 readers ask the same as I.]
didn't mention the doctor, [Extra space after "mention"]
Bobby's apartment, I wanted [Extra space after comma.]
"I remember how your father read the assigned pages the day before. "Just keeping one step ahead of my students," he would say. ["... the day before. 'Just keeping one step ahead of my students,' he would say." >> I don't know if you can understand my fix, but you have a quote within a quote that is not punctuated correctly. I make those mistakes all the time.]
I hope the doctor explains it well to your mother. She could be hurt you were keeping it from her. A delicate balance of responsibilities.
Great job bringing this to life, Shari.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
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"Vanilla" as in the color. We gals know this. LOL
Damn, I worked extra hard to catch those spaces. I hear you on the quote within a quote and fix.
Hadn't thought about the last issue.
