Attention Span
Reality Doesn't Exist If You Are Not Looking - a Ballade63 total reviews
Comment from CD Richards
I'm interpreting this as pointing out that a relationship, in order to survive, takes work on both sides. Something which is blatantly obvious, but too often forgotten.
This reminds me of a "nerd" joke:
Rene Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a drink?"
Descartes replies "I think not", and vanishes.
Anyway, I think this is really clever. It's not easy (I imagine, I've never really tried) to tie in romanticism and quantum physics, but you've done a splendid job.
Fantastic work.
Craig.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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I'm interpreting this as pointing out that a relationship, in order to survive, takes work on both sides. Something which is blatantly obvious, but too often forgotten.
This reminds me of a "nerd" joke:
Rene Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a drink?"
Descartes replies "I think not", and vanishes.
Anyway, I think this is really clever. It's not easy (I imagine, I've never really tried) to tie in romanticism and quantum physics, but you've done a splendid job.
Fantastic work.
Craig.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Many thanks, Craig, for your fine review, six star and 'nerd' joke. Good one! Tony
Comment from AvL
Five +++, actually. tfawcus has shown himself once more to be the master of classical poetic forms, in this case, of the ballade, one of whose most accomplished practitioners was Francois Villon, the famous Provencal poet, with whom tfawcus "crosses plumes" very competitively, I must say.
The basic premise of his poem is "esse est percipi," the idea in classic philosophy that to be is to be perceived. He applies this principle very cleverly to the esoteric realm of quantum/sub-atomic physics, where certain particles are so short-lived as to have "lives" that are measured in nano-seconds (!) Is our clever balladeer invoking/toying with the Heisenberg principle here? Peut-etre: He seems to say so in his opening note, without naming Heisenberg specifically.
But wait, there is more: tf demonstrates this principle hypothetically -- or is it theoretically? -- through the exchanged glances of two lovers, each of whose existence is dependent upon the other's attention/adoring glances. Here our penman touches upon the Renaissance theory that the eyes -- especially the eyes of a lover -- send out rays -- sub-atomic energy? -- to the beloved, and thus, in a sense, endow her with life, and make her real: a masterful touch!
I would comment on such banalities as meter, rhyme-scheme, et caetera; but we are dealing with tfawcus here -- there are no technical errors. This shaper is very much in command of his material, even down to the nano-level!
Finally, this reader, who is a fan of 18th-century British novels, very much appreciates the note on "stays." Well-done -- or is it undone? -- tfawcus!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Five +++, actually. tfawcus has shown himself once more to be the master of classical poetic forms, in this case, of the ballade, one of whose most accomplished practitioners was Francois Villon, the famous Provencal poet, with whom tfawcus "crosses plumes" very competitively, I must say.
The basic premise of his poem is "esse est percipi," the idea in classic philosophy that to be is to be perceived. He applies this principle very cleverly to the esoteric realm of quantum/sub-atomic physics, where certain particles are so short-lived as to have "lives" that are measured in nano-seconds (!) Is our clever balladeer invoking/toying with the Heisenberg principle here? Peut-etre: He seems to say so in his opening note, without naming Heisenberg specifically.
But wait, there is more: tf demonstrates this principle hypothetically -- or is it theoretically? -- through the exchanged glances of two lovers, each of whose existence is dependent upon the other's attention/adoring glances. Here our penman touches upon the Renaissance theory that the eyes -- especially the eyes of a lover -- send out rays -- sub-atomic energy? -- to the beloved, and thus, in a sense, endow her with life, and make her real: a masterful touch!
I would comment on such banalities as meter, rhyme-scheme, et caetera; but we are dealing with tfawcus here -- there are no technical errors. This shaper is very much in command of his material, even down to the nano-level!
Finally, this reader, who is a fan of 18th-century British novels, very much appreciates the note on "stays." Well-done -- or is it undone? -- tfawcus!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Thanks very much for this thorough and most perceptive review which led me, via Google, to Villard's Ballade of the Hanged Men - woefully translated - but I was able to drag up enough schoolboy French to appreciate at least some parts of it in the original. I liked your allusion to the Renaissance theory. I had something like that in mind but you have crystallised it for me. My quantum physics metaphor was built on shaky ground for I am no expert. However, a recent article intrigued me and set me thinking.
I very much enjoyed your review, a flash of gold amongst the banalities of straw.
Comment from GregoryCody
This is a fantastic piece. Your rhymes are not forced, everything is natural and the flow is smooth.
Domesticity, sets me free
Fantastic and not forced
Become a phrase, deleted. That's a crazy line. Nice!
when foolish tantrums make us disagree,
I like the way that sounds aloud
I always get confused with the term envoy...
The subject matter worked too! I didn't know what to expect lol. Really though this was an outstanding piece. I really enjoyed it. You get my last six ;)
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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This is a fantastic piece. Your rhymes are not forced, everything is natural and the flow is smooth.
Domesticity, sets me free
Fantastic and not forced
Become a phrase, deleted. That's a crazy line. Nice!
when foolish tantrums make us disagree,
I like the way that sounds aloud
I always get confused with the term envoy...
The subject matter worked too! I didn't know what to expect lol. Really though this was an outstanding piece. I really enjoyed it. You get my last six ;)
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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I very much appreciate this review, Gregory, and the fact that you found it worthy of your last six stars for the week. I should perhaps have stuck to the French spelling 'envoi', that last short stanza of comment on the rest of the poem, for it removes any confusion with diplomatic messengers. Best wishes, Tony
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Ahh I see! Well, this was VERY much deserving of my last six! ;)
Comment from Chunger
This is a beautiful poem. Honest about love and the reality of being in love. The last line- changing to "our" is powerful in knowing that the speaker also has the power and responsibility to keep the love going. Wonderful job!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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This is a beautiful poem. Honest about love and the reality of being in love. The last line- changing to "our" is powerful in knowing that the speaker also has the power and responsibility to keep the love going. Wonderful job!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Thanks so much. I appreciate both your kind words and your six stars! Welcome to FanStory! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from MSJVClarke
This is an excellent poem. I liked that you used the quantum theory, that was a brilliant way to bring your poem to life, so to speak. I liked that each stanze could stand alone, yet was tied to the others. I also liked that you ended each stanze with the "attention span." Great poem.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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This is an excellent poem. I liked that you used the quantum theory, that was a brilliant way to bring your poem to life, so to speak. I liked that each stanze could stand alone, yet was tied to the others. I also liked that you ended each stanze with the "attention span." Great poem.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Very many thanks for your glowing review! Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Quantum Physics also states that matter can be changed by the energy focused on it. In an experiment that had been repeated many times with consistent results - one group of people sat in a room thinking only good things and another thinking bad things as water was being frozen; the crystals formed from the good thoughts were beautiful while those from the bad thoughts were quite the opposite. You deliver a wonderful poem that actually applies to both rules of QP. Teh rhyme and meter are well executed and the random instances of internal rhyme serve to enhance the overall tone. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Quantum Physics also states that matter can be changed by the energy focused on it. In an experiment that had been repeated many times with consistent results - one group of people sat in a room thinking only good things and another thinking bad things as water was being frozen; the crystals formed from the good thoughts were beautiful while those from the bad thoughts were quite the opposite. You deliver a wonderful poem that actually applies to both rules of QP. Teh rhyme and meter are well executed and the random instances of internal rhyme serve to enhance the overall tone. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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I confess that I'm no expert in this area. Reviews of this poem have led me in all sorts of interesting directions! I have heard of that experiment that you mention but, as with many things these days, it had slipped my mind! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Just2Write
Bravo, Tony. I enjoyed the theory and the poem, as well as the notes. I had the Ballade Form in my little book of Poetry Forms, but my definitions were not as good as yours. I love learning new forms, especially the French ones, which seem to require more skill in getting them right.
Very well done.
Rose.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Bravo, Tony. I enjoyed the theory and the poem, as well as the notes. I had the Ballade Form in my little book of Poetry Forms, but my definitions were not as good as yours. I love learning new forms, especially the French ones, which seem to require more skill in getting them right.
Very well done.
Rose.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Many thanks, Rose. I came upon the Ballade by accident the other day when looking for something else. I enjoyed the challenge but the rhyme scheme is very restrictive and some care is needed in choosing words for the end rhymes that have a plentiful supply of other rhyming words to chose from! A rhyming dictionary is invaluable! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from donalola
Creative, truthful lines and a quantum physics insight. Aren't you marvelous?
I like the ballade as much as I love the content. It has a deeper meaning when I translate your stanzas into my own recent reality, or should I say, "the illusion of my reality?
You are very good Sir!
Donalola
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Creative, truthful lines and a quantum physics insight. Aren't you marvelous?
I like the ballade as much as I love the content. It has a deeper meaning when I translate your stanzas into my own recent reality, or should I say, "the illusion of my reality?
You are very good Sir!
Donalola
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much for your kind words, Donalola! Much appreciated. Tony
Comment from mfowler
Wow, what an interesting love poem. I couldn't help think of Schrodinger's cat as I read. The whole premise of this poem is based on that quantum physics theory of existence and hence, the stability of your love for her and visa versa is a simple matter of looking away. I love how you turn it from her vision of you to an equal possibility on your part. And then suggest that squabbling can have the same effect; stop looking at each other and the relationship is void. The rhythm in the meter and rhyme, the tight stanzas in compacted couplets give this great intensity and a sense of quantum density. Loved it.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Wow, what an interesting love poem. I couldn't help think of Schrodinger's cat as I read. The whole premise of this poem is based on that quantum physics theory of existence and hence, the stability of your love for her and visa versa is a simple matter of looking away. I love how you turn it from her vision of you to an equal possibility on your part. And then suggest that squabbling can have the same effect; stop looking at each other and the relationship is void. The rhythm in the meter and rhyme, the tight stanzas in compacted couplets give this great intensity and a sense of quantum density. Loved it.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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On the prompting of several reviews, I have looked up Schrodinger's experiment. What a heartless bastard! I prefer Lewis Carroll's treatment - at least he left a grin on the disappearing cat! Thanks for yet another perceptive and thoughtful review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Treischel
I really liked the excellent eloquent ballade about attention span and reality. An intriguing theory that you play off brilliantly here. The repeats are dramatic and morph effectively from me, you, to us. You blend a theory on love too. Very well done. It's been a long time since I've written one. Thanks for reminding me.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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I really liked the excellent eloquent ballade about attention span and reality. An intriguing theory that you play off brilliantly here. The repeats are dramatic and morph effectively from me, you, to us. You blend a theory on love too. Very well done. It's been a long time since I've written one. Thanks for reminding me.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Thanks, Tom. It's an interesting form - my first attempt. A very restrictive rhyme scheme! Tony
