Comment from angel123

Excellent

Wow! your poem is meaningful, heartfelt and well written. I enjoyed reading it and it flows and rhymes well. I would have liked to see an artwork choice.

Angel123

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015

Thank you.

It was a conscious decision this time to post with no artwork - I really couldn't find anything that adequately represented what I was trying to say.

Steve

reply by angel123 on 18-Jul-2015

I understand

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

You ask a very pertinent question in this dark poem of child abuse, Steve. Your statement is powerful and shakes the mind to wonder, Why? Well done with a very moving poem, and my best wishes for the competition, Giddy

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015

Thanks, Giddy - the ongoing nature of this kind of abuse is a worrying problem.

Steve

Comment from Chunger

Good

This poem has some very good vivid imagery. I try to add some element of constructive criticism to each of my reviews and the only thing I would say is that in the last line of the first stanza the rhythm stumbles a bit. I might suggest saying 'till his small bones break'. Just a suggestion. Good job and enjoy the day- Chrissy

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015

Thanks, Chrissy.

I did want the change in meter there to stress the violence of the assault - small bones break - three stressed syllables in a row to echo the kicks.

Steve

Comment from inside echo

Excellent

Thank you for showing me your very powerful and sad poem. I am sorry you know this. I hope that the cycle is broken in your family also. It is important to see a poem about this coming from a man, who once was a boy. People so rarely think of abuse as being something little boys suffer thru also.
A very strong and powerful poem. "What" indeed possesses those who are meant to love and protect to cause such pain and fear, and lasting torments.
Very well done. Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
tgc
echo

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015

Thanks for the thoughtful review. No this is not my own personal experience but stems mainly from a couple of recent high profile cases here in New Zealand. The most recent one has featured again on TV news tonight as the police have charged somebody in relation the the little boy's murder. Such cases are a blot on our whole country and on society in general.

Steve

reply by inside echo on 15-Jul-2015

You are welcome. Not just a blot on the country, and society, but sadly another loss of an innocent child. He did no wrong. He was just a poor, boy, hurt until he we discarded. So very sad and sickening.
It breaks my heart.
tgc
echo

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Oooooooooooooo nooooooo
Who would go there
You answered this well...a monster set on fire by hell
Good job
God bless

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015

Thanks, Jenny - not a nice topic but needs to be in the open - a couple of bad cases in the news here recently.

Steve

Comment from CD Richards

Excellent

Re the author notes - it works fine for me, but my vote doesn't count.

I think this is really good. The rhyme and meter are excellent, SPaG is spot on.

I often find myself asking what drives humans to be so awful to each other, so your questions hit a chord for me, and I think they are really well expressed.

Nice work, good luck in the contest.
Craig.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Exceptional

Steve, I like the way you interpret the rather vague contest rules. Creative thinking ought to be a hallmark of this site. As far as I can tell, you've met the requirements, and demonstrated out-of-the-box thinking, out-of-the-box rule compliance.

Tough subject here. I'm guessing this poem was inspired by a particular event. Your questions and your outrage are articulately posed.

I rarely comment about presentation, but I like your format,
and the emphasis on the 'What' that begins every stanza.

Best of luck.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015

Thanks, Lee - not personal experience, thank goodness, but a couple of recent cases in the news where the violence towards tiny kids almost defies belief.

Steve

Comment from petalangela

Excellent

A brilliantly moving poem. As an adult who beaten daily as a child with a shaving strop and boots I too ask these questions . I came up with an answer I believe that like me she was bi polar. I have to believe that or I could never live with the memories.
Like I said a really good poem well written but very close to home for many oeoplev if only to protect my sanity and teach myself it was not my fault and perhaps not my mothers

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015

Thank you. I think we might all be shocked if we knew the true statistics of violence towards children. This poem was prompted by a horrific case in the news here.

Steve

Comment from Priyanka Deshpande

Exceptional

Wow so much of bitterness expressed in such a subtle way. I loved every line. It is perfect for the competition. Every question asked is the valid and structured very well.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015

Priyanka, thanks so much for the kind words and the six stars.

Steve

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Beautiful poem about childabouse and the criminal mind of an offender. The questions bring attention the horrible crime. Good job!

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015

Thank you!

Steve