Miscellaneous stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "The Lost"Fiction and non-fiction prose
24 total reviews
Comment from ~Dovey
"Truly, life does imitate art." (I think you must have had 5 words to spare in this challenge, so I couldn't resist. I felt like this was the most original of the stories I read and believe it will get my vote in this contest. Well written, I'm wishing you the best of luck.
Kim
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
  |
"Truly, life does imitate art." (I think you must have had 5 words to spare in this challenge, so I couldn't resist. I felt like this was the most original of the stories I read and believe it will get my vote in this contest. Well written, I'm wishing you the best of luck.
Kim
Comment Written 08-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2015
-
Thank you Dovey for your very kind comments and also your good wishes. They are both very much appreciated!
Comment from TPAC
Super write writer compelling thoughts darts penetrating into the reader conscious writer is in full command -me far from this wonderful work written expression within my own works
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
|
Super write writer compelling thoughts darts penetrating into the reader conscious writer is in full command -me far from this wonderful work written expression within my own works
Comment Written 07-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2015
-
Thank you for reading my story, and for your very kind comments. They are very much appreciated!
Comment from ellie6
Brilliant short story, atmospheric. It's true that sometimes a painting or a poem takes on a life of it's own. Even a book can do that occasionally. Good description of colour, and the picture is good, too.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2015
 |
Brilliant short story, atmospheric. It's true that sometimes a painting or a poem takes on a life of it's own. Even a book can do that occasionally. Good description of colour, and the picture is good, too.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2015
-
Thank you so much Ellie for the wonderful review. I'm glad you enjoyed my little tale, and your sixer has made my day :-)
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
Thrilling, spine chilling. I love this writing. I wish you well in the contest. Please keep writing and sharing. I would recommend your work to others.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
|
Thrilling, spine chilling. I love this writing. I wish you well in the contest. Please keep writing and sharing. I would recommend your work to others.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
-
Thank you so much for your very kind review and good wishes. Much appreciated!
-
Your welcome
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements splendidly. This was very well executed in terms of the vivid descriptive set up leading to the tragic ending. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
|
This meets the contest requirements splendidly. This was very well executed in terms of the vivid descriptive set up leading to the tragic ending. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
-
Thank you for the great review, and also for your good wishes. Much appreciated!
Comment from LoannaLois
You wrote a really good story with so few words. I liked, especially, the subject matter. It was creepy and interesting at the same time. (I love to paint...so now I will be weirded out. Lol)
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
|
You wrote a really good story with so few words. I liked, especially, the subject matter. It was creepy and interesting at the same time. (I love to paint...so now I will be weirded out. Lol)
Comment Written 05-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
-
Thanks so much for your very kind review, glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Verdugo Bolivar
Nice and spooky. your tone suggests that the painter has truly lost himself in his work, however I feel it could of had a darker element with a couple of analogies. Great work keep writing.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2015
|
Nice and spooky. your tone suggests that the painter has truly lost himself in his work, however I feel it could of had a darker element with a couple of analogies. Great work keep writing.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2015
-
Thanks for checking out my story, and for your kind words. They are much appreciated.
Comment from petalangela
Written in the style of Stephen King . Very very good . Followed the prompt maybe a little too literally.
I hope the writer gets rescued from the canvas I would like to read more of his work
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
|
Written in the style of Stephen King . Very very good . Followed the prompt maybe a little too literally.
I hope the writer gets rescued from the canvas I would like to read more of his work
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
-
Thank you, Petalangela, for reading my story, and for your kind comments. Much appreciated.
Comment from Judgement Dave
Really liked that.
Only thing I'd maybe change is potentially to shorten the last line, so the twist/punch is right at the end. Maybe move some the pleading to earlier in the piece, e.g. something like:
----
As his brush flies across the canvas, Stephen Benjafield has never felt more inspired. In front of him, "The Lost" appears to be taking on a life of its own. Bold, swirling strokes of umber, ochre, grey, yellow -- five tortured souls reaching pitifully out of the flames; pleading for an end to their torment and suffering.
A flash of lightning, a thunderous rumble shakes the studio. The stench of something unspeakably vile hangs heavy in the air....
On the floor, a brush and a palette; and on the easel a canvas. Six wretched figures cry out.
----
Of course, just my opinion.
Cheers
JD
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
|
Really liked that.
Only thing I'd maybe change is potentially to shorten the last line, so the twist/punch is right at the end. Maybe move some the pleading to earlier in the piece, e.g. something like:
----
As his brush flies across the canvas, Stephen Benjafield has never felt more inspired. In front of him, "The Lost" appears to be taking on a life of its own. Bold, swirling strokes of umber, ochre, grey, yellow -- five tortured souls reaching pitifully out of the flames; pleading for an end to their torment and suffering.
A flash of lightning, a thunderous rumble shakes the studio. The stench of something unspeakably vile hangs heavy in the air....
On the floor, a brush and a palette; and on the easel a canvas. Six wretched figures cry out.
----
Of course, just my opinion.
Cheers
JD
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
-
Hi Dave, thanks for reading my story. I really appreciate your comment about having the "bang" right at the end, as I wasn't 100% happy with it myself, but didn't really know quite what I wanted to do. I'll definitely have another look at it. Much appreciated.
-
Glad it's of use.
I've done a lot of comedy writing before, and the general rule is any extra words after the punch detract from it's effect. It's very similar with twisted resolutions in fiction.
JD
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I enjoyed reading your eerie story, you did a good job developing the tiny tale of terror. Interesting plot attractive format that enhances the story. Good job!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2015
|
I enjoyed reading your eerie story, you did a good job developing the tiny tale of terror. Interesting plot attractive format that enhances the story. Good job!
Comment Written 01-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2015
-
Thank you, Gypsy Blue Rose, for checking out my tiny tale, and for your kind comments. Glad you enjoyed it.
