(haibun) disillusioned exhaustion
More haibun fun17 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Dang! This is GOOD, Ingrid. Sorry I took so long to get to it. Just sent grandkids back to New York with their frazzled parents. I like the driving rhythm to the narrative and all those lovely "s" sounds. The internal rhyme works really well. Your haiku works well with the narrative, but is a beautiful stand-alone as well. You done good, kid! :) Nancy
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2015
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Dang! This is GOOD, Ingrid. Sorry I took so long to get to it. Just sent grandkids back to New York with their frazzled parents. I like the driving rhythm to the narrative and all those lovely "s" sounds. The internal rhyme works really well. Your haiku works well with the narrative, but is a beautiful stand-alone as well. You done good, kid! :) Nancy
Comment Written 03-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2015
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This is my new go-to pastime and enjoyment. Thank you very much for the stars. I've been consistently shocked by the acceptance of my posts that harbor even the smallest component of poetry.
I was actually thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you were feeling. I guess if grandkids were there, you must be somewhat better. BTW how did the ballet lessons turn out?
Comment from DALLAS01
I really like the definitive line between the work day and the extended work day. Different, yet the same. Both swallowing her up and spitting her out.
Great prose, capped off by an exquisite haiku.
The haiku alone deserves at least a six.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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I really like the definitive line between the work day and the extended work day. Different, yet the same. Both swallowing her up and spitting her out.
Great prose, capped off by an exquisite haiku.
The haiku alone deserves at least a six.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Wow...I am very confident in the prose portion, and it seems when I write the haibuns with the haiku they go over well. But when I enter a haiku competition on its own, I get one vote--mine. So really, sincere thanks for the support--and stars.
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Ingrid,
love the image to set this story in motion... couldn't see me or you been corralled by false directive, when the arrow's saying go for it... that's enough of an opening for me.
I can see you're enjoying this style of expression... and you have a real knack of making it work for you with such visual imagery... yeah, what's for dinner? No... no U-turning now... obliged and committed.
A very lingering haiku... sounds like the hours we keep... beautifully constructed... gotta say, I'm enjoying your new found talent.
With our thoughts we create,
time to breathe, then sigh,
James vx's.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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Hi Ingrid,
love the image to set this story in motion... couldn't see me or you been corralled by false directive, when the arrow's saying go for it... that's enough of an opening for me.
I can see you're enjoying this style of expression... and you have a real knack of making it work for you with such visual imagery... yeah, what's for dinner? No... no U-turning now... obliged and committed.
A very lingering haiku... sounds like the hours we keep... beautifully constructed... gotta say, I'm enjoying your new found talent.
With our thoughts we create,
time to breathe, then sigh,
James vx's.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2015
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This one was for you, just to make you happy about your lifestyle. Thanks so much.
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That was really nice of you... don't really know if what I have could be classed a lifestyle... but if you want me to take a hard-long look at the other side... I'm your man... vx's
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Do that...write a haibun with the sound of surf in the background.
Comment from Curly Girly
Being a mother is a full time job. Most mothers work these days. It is tough to do two jobs. One tends to favour one job over the other. This is the pain of modern living.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2015
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Being a mother is a full time job. Most mothers work these days. It is tough to do two jobs. One tends to favour one job over the other. This is the pain of modern living.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2015
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Thanks so much for the read and review.
Comment from Ben Colder
Understand this. I am so glad I live in the country on a mountain away from the once fighting the flow. You tell it like it is. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Understand this. I am so glad I live in the country on a mountain away from the once fighting the flow. You tell it like it is. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Wow, living on a mountain--how very envious I am of you. Any Big Foot neighbours? Thanks for the review.
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Not really understanding the size of their feet, but we have the best neighbors in the world. Not sure their foot size. They even come to see us when we are not home. We must be so impressive. They take things knowing we would lend it anyway. LOL.
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KOK. So wildlife in general, huh?
Comment from GWHARGIS
I can remember feeling like this year's ago when I was trying to work part time plus get my art business going plus raising 4 children. It was not a good place. If you don't have some me time to catch your breath ... well, things can turn south really quickly. You have definitely captured that feeling here. The haiku was beautiful. I love how the focus was on the vivid colors of dusk to dawn. Loving these haibuns.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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I can remember feeling like this year's ago when I was trying to work part time plus get my art business going plus raising 4 children. It was not a good place. If you don't have some me time to catch your breath ... well, things can turn south really quickly. You have definitely captured that feeling here. The haiku was beautiful. I love how the focus was on the vivid colors of dusk to dawn. Loving these haibuns.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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And then, it's over and you have all the time in the world and go into shell shock. Thanks so much for the extra star.
Comment from jpduck
The haiku parts of your haibuns are always completely wonderful, in my opinion; perfectly in the spirit of haiku and with razor-sharp final lines (I can't, for the life of me, remember the correct word for the final line of a haiku -- Oh dear!).
Adrian
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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The haiku parts of your haibuns are always completely wonderful, in my opinion; perfectly in the spirit of haiku and with razor-sharp final lines (I can't, for the life of me, remember the correct word for the final line of a haiku -- Oh dear!).
Adrian
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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I think it's called satori. Here's the funny part, if I enter haiku contests, my stand alone ditty only gets my vote. In these haibuns, the prose seems to give it more muscle. Thanks.
Comment from Sis Cat
Oh, the moment I saw the title "haibun" I sat up. I only had to read the first three lines to give you a six. You are pulling out all stops by using rhymes and alliteration. You prose has the crunching, crushing sound of commute traffic that is appropriate for this work.
Isn't that haiku the truth after such a day--"scant hours left for dreams"?
I cannot tell you enough how much I enjoyed your haibun. It put a smile on the close of my day. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Oh, the moment I saw the title "haibun" I sat up. I only had to read the first three lines to give you a six. You are pulling out all stops by using rhymes and alliteration. You prose has the crunching, crushing sound of commute traffic that is appropriate for this work.
Isn't that haiku the truth after such a day--"scant hours left for dreams"?
I cannot tell you enough how much I enjoyed your haibun. It put a smile on the close of my day. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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You are extremely gracious. I don't see myself as a poet--AT ALL! I fooled myself that this genre is prose with a touch of poetry, but I so enjoy the cryptic style and permission for fragmentation, I've gotten really into it, but somehow still consider it a diversion. Thanks so much for the stars and your continued support of my play time with haibun.
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Oh, I must write a haibun. They look so fun.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Wow, have I been there! It is the plight of the modern woman. We have to be both man and woman these days, and we get lost somewhere in between. Great job, and the picture is adorable!
Rhonda
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Wow, have I been there! It is the plight of the modern woman. We have to be both man and woman these days, and we get lost somewhere in between. Great job, and the picture is adorable!
Rhonda
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Haven't we all! Thanks so much.
Comment from Wabigoon
Spiritual--
Excellent. Original form, way of writing. Like that. The choppy diction multiplies the poem's message.
My only problem, reason for no 6 is with the ending, last three lines, which seem more than a bit like a separate poem. Could have pulled it out, but, for me, not quite.
Thanks
Wabigoon
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Spiritual--
Excellent. Original form, way of writing. Like that. The choppy diction multiplies the poem's message.
My only problem, reason for no 6 is with the ending, last three lines, which seem more than a bit like a separate poem. Could have pulled it out, but, for me, not quite.
Thanks
Wabigoon
Comment Written 29-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Fair and honest. Thanks for the read and review.
