a mother's eyes
a flash fiction4 total reviews
Comment from Gone but not forgotten
YIKES! In this and another entry, the drink led immediately to the most awful consequences and then to "perfect" sobriety. In real life, the quest can go on for decades and certainly never returns to perfect. As someone who worked with those who are alcoholic I'm just not impressed with the quick turn-around. Wishful thinking, and, of course, it's your story, so go with what works for you. But a bit more information on where the insight arose (believe me, just looking into the eyes of one's children doesn't normally cause sobriety) would have helped me, the reader.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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YIKES! In this and another entry, the drink led immediately to the most awful consequences and then to "perfect" sobriety. In real life, the quest can go on for decades and certainly never returns to perfect. As someone who worked with those who are alcoholic I'm just not impressed with the quick turn-around. Wishful thinking, and, of course, it's your story, so go with what works for you. But a bit more information on where the insight arose (believe me, just looking into the eyes of one's children doesn't normally cause sobriety) would have helped me, the reader.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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It's a story, not a medical journal. Actually I had a friend that drank and one night flipped his van with his kids in it he never touched a drop after that. Not the norm, but I am sure that some people just stop drinking.
I don't have a problem with alcohol, but I imagine the desire to drink is a constant desire even after years of sobriety.
As for for the eyes of a mother, I personally have quit a couple bad habits when I saw the hurt I was causing her. Thanks for the review, cheers
Comment from ellie6
A story full of optimism and hope. The illustration is eyecatching (no pun intended). A mother's love is a tremendously powerful weapon.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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A story full of optimism and hope. The illustration is eyecatching (no pun intended). A mother's love is a tremendously powerful weapon.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Thanks for the insightful review ellie6. I never had a problem with drinking but I imagine it must be a constant struggle,,any day you could slip, cheers j and yes, a mom's love is an incredible incentive.
Comment from Fridayauthor
This was a clearly told story of overcoming a tragic slip via the love of another. The story was well described and held the reader's attention.
Perhaps some editing would enhance the piece...choosing stronger words.
John was living a great life.
John was living the perfect life.
His mother was disappointed in him.
He could see his mother's disappointment in her eyes
a taste for nice wine. "Nice" doesn't sound like the best word. Perhaps, "fine" or no adjective at all.
He was there for 2 months, where he met his friend and future partner in the restaurant business.
During his two-month rehab,he met his future restaurant partner, and best friend.
'Uh, no thanks," he replied, then suddenly he took the glass offered.
He first declined, but later lifted a glass in toast. And drank.
Thank you!
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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This was a clearly told story of overcoming a tragic slip via the love of another. The story was well described and held the reader's attention.
Perhaps some editing would enhance the piece...choosing stronger words.
John was living a great life.
John was living the perfect life.
His mother was disappointed in him.
He could see his mother's disappointment in her eyes
a taste for nice wine. "Nice" doesn't sound like the best word. Perhaps, "fine" or no adjective at all.
He was there for 2 months, where he met his friend and future partner in the restaurant business.
During his two-month rehab,he met his future restaurant partner, and best friend.
'Uh, no thanks," he replied, then suddenly he took the glass offered.
He first declined, but later lifted a glass in toast. And drank.
Thank you!
Comment Written 29-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Thanks for the insightful review and great advice. I agree with your suggestions, much better choice of words. I appreciate yours input, cheers
Comment from robina1978
Excellent photo that complements your Flash story perfectly. You explain once more that once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. At least he went in a clinic, and only relapsed one time in a bad way. That first sip. Best wishes for the prompt.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Excellent photo that complements your Flash story perfectly. You explain once more that once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. At least he went in a clinic, and only relapsed one time in a bad way. That first sip. Best wishes for the prompt.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Thanks robina, I never had a problem with alcohol, but I imagine the pull is always there. One situation, you are feeling all relaxed, sure, chilled ...and take that drink. BOOM. A lot of power in a mother's eyes, cheers
