When Blood Collides
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "A Guilt Trip"A family's love is tested.
26 total reviews
Comment from Muffins
It's always the same type of relative who passes judgement but helps out little or refuses to understand your situation when it comes down to taking care of an elderly parent. Your Aunt sounds like a pain and that fact is verified by your Aunt's visit to the Assisted living place.
This chapter speaks to many people dealing with caring for the elderly . The last thing they need is someone trying to put the guilt trip on them
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2015
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It's always the same type of relative who passes judgement but helps out little or refuses to understand your situation when it comes down to taking care of an elderly parent. Your Aunt sounds like a pain and that fact is verified by your Aunt's visit to the Assisted living place.
This chapter speaks to many people dealing with caring for the elderly . The last thing they need is someone trying to put the guilt trip on them
Comment Written 03-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2015
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Thanks for the exceptional rating, Muffins. Appreciate your insightful comments.
Comment from judiverse
Interfering relatives. A common problem, I guess, and you describe yours very well. Dee seems to have done more harm than good. I've noticed at my husband's nursing home facilities, the staff monitors what the residents do or do not eat. Dee's interference leads to your mother's resentment and hasn't always been for her good. You do a great job of showing the family tension and conflicts. In first paragraph, since you've mentioned Aunt Dee and Mom in the first paragraph, you might want to clarify by saying Mom or Peg. "Mom's shrinking frame...." judi
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Interfering relatives. A common problem, I guess, and you describe yours very well. Dee seems to have done more harm than good. I've noticed at my husband's nursing home facilities, the staff monitors what the residents do or do not eat. Dee's interference leads to your mother's resentment and hasn't always been for her good. You do a great job of showing the family tension and conflicts. In first paragraph, since you've mentioned Aunt Dee and Mom in the first paragraph, you might want to clarify by saying Mom or Peg. "Mom's shrinking frame...." judi
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Okay, I took your advice. Dee's behavior gets out of hand in the next post. I think that's a good things for the staff to check the eating habits and note any change.
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There's probably a regulation that they have to do that. In my experience, they monitor everything at the nursing homes. judi
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There's probably a regulation that they have to do that. In my experience, they monitor everything at the nursing homes. judi
Comment from IndianaIrish
Great chapter about your Mom, Shari. Why do some people think they know someone better than anyone else? How awful she ruined the arrival of your mom with the staff. Like she did, she had no rights with her having a daughter there to care for her needs.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Great chapter about your Mom, Shari. Why do some people think they know someone better than anyone else? How awful she ruined the arrival of your mom with the staff. Like she did, she had no rights with her having a daughter there to care for her needs.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Spot on, Karyn. I felt Mom would have been a favorite if Dee hadn't butted in.
Comment from mermaids
I enjoyed reading this story because it is so true to life. Often families cannot agree on how to take care of aging parent. I agree with you wanting to place your mother in an assisted living facility where she will be safe with staff to check in on her. Here in Ma, most assisted living facilities are expensive, very few are affordable or income eligible.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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I enjoyed reading this story because it is so true to life. Often families cannot agree on how to take care of aging parent. I agree with you wanting to place your mother in an assisted living facility where she will be safe with staff to check in on her. Here in Ma, most assisted living facilities are expensive, very few are affordable or income eligible.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Thank you for the exceptional rating on this. My mother had a preconceived notion that this would be bad. Very expensive today, but when you add up food and electric and water bills plus lawn maintenance monthly, how much have you spent already?
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The expenses you mention are true. I suppose it is all the same regardless of whether a senior lives at home or at an assisted living facility.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Why is Dee fighting you so? Your mom never should have left your house. The fact that she did, just based on what Dee told her, tells me she felt the tension and didn't really feel welcome living with you. All a misunderstanding, I would have tried to assure her had it been my mom. But she made her choice to leave. You must have walked on eggs with her trying to keep her content when she lived with you.
It's odd, but when my mom had to move in with us and put her condo up for sale, she accepted it surprisingly well. She seemed almost relieved to not be on her own any longer at 88. Having had one stroke, I think she realized it was in her best interests not to be alone. Maybe your mom didn't realize she was getting sick and weak. My mom had to admit it after months in a rehab home.
Once you can't function normally, you don't care about "little" things anymore. That's speaking from my own experience here at 70, still sick from that horrible bronchitis attack that has me barely able to move after two months. I'm seeing the doc again this week, but there are really no meds left to give me. I'm not even writing every day... just vegetating. I'm so tired of being sick and coughing. I'm almost hoping the doc will put me in the hospital. But I'm just whining now... guess I got off topic. Sorry. :)
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Why is Dee fighting you so? Your mom never should have left your house. The fact that she did, just based on what Dee told her, tells me she felt the tension and didn't really feel welcome living with you. All a misunderstanding, I would have tried to assure her had it been my mom. But she made her choice to leave. You must have walked on eggs with her trying to keep her content when she lived with you.
It's odd, but when my mom had to move in with us and put her condo up for sale, she accepted it surprisingly well. She seemed almost relieved to not be on her own any longer at 88. Having had one stroke, I think she realized it was in her best interests not to be alone. Maybe your mom didn't realize she was getting sick and weak. My mom had to admit it after months in a rehab home.
Once you can't function normally, you don't care about "little" things anymore. That's speaking from my own experience here at 70, still sick from that horrible bronchitis attack that has me barely able to move after two months. I'm seeing the doc again this week, but there are really no meds left to give me. I'm not even writing every day... just vegetating. I'm so tired of being sick and coughing. I'm almost hoping the doc will put me in the hospital. But I'm just whining now... guess I got off topic. Sorry. :)
Comment Written 30-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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You are so insightful about her feeling the tension, but that was brought on when Anne came for a ten day stay. She and Dee both have sharp tongues and made Mother move too quickly for us to talk her out of it. I freaked out inside when she came home with a deed.
I'm so sorry about your bronchitis. I suffered it constantly as a teenager when my father smoked in the house. Have you checked out home remedies on the net? Sometimes these things have to just run their course.
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I'm doing all the home remedies and they do help. My hubby, who has healthy lungs, is still weak and coughing a bit from his bout of this. I caught it from him. So I'm expecting at least two weeks more. It's endless, almost as bad as pneumonia. Plus I have laryngitis, and talking was one of my favorite things. I've been doing more email. LOL!
Comment from Glasstruth
Anne and Dee, don't know what they're problem was, but those are two shouldn't be listened to. My mother now is 84. For some that's not an issue, but she's gone downhill quite a bit in the last year. Has a number of issues. Just last week she fell in the bathtub. She's alright. I live with her, and am trying to keep things going. I can definitely relate to your story. It's written with definite clarity, and it's a story that's close to your heart. Well done, or I should say SUPERFABULOUS!!!!! Les
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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Anne and Dee, don't know what they're problem was, but those are two shouldn't be listened to. My mother now is 84. For some that's not an issue, but she's gone downhill quite a bit in the last year. Has a number of issues. Just last week she fell in the bathtub. She's alright. I live with her, and am trying to keep things going. I can definitely relate to your story. It's written with definite clarity, and it's a story that's close to your heart. Well done, or I should say SUPERFABULOUS!!!!! Les
Comment Written 29-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2015
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It's harder for a man to take care of a woman that isn't his wife. Hubby said that no way did he want to see Mom naked. Anne and Dee continue to be a pain as long as Mom is alive. I feel for you and hope you get nursing help. Superfabulous! I'm thrilled and thanks for the sixer too.
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:)))
Comment from padumachitta
Hey. geez, you don"t get a break do you?
It is such a hard decision to place our parents in care...and I never can understand why some people are such jerks about it...you had the best interest at heart...the rest...just seemed to want a simple way out....and left you holding the bag...
padumachitta
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Hey. geez, you don"t get a break do you?
It is such a hard decision to place our parents in care...and I never can understand why some people are such jerks about it...you had the best interest at heart...the rest...just seemed to want a simple way out....and left you holding the bag...
padumachitta
Comment Written 29-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Before it was over, things got so much worse! My aunt to blame again.
Comment from boxergirl
Sweet picture of your mother, Shari. I like having the visual as I read about her.
Having an elderly parent is such a difficult time. Hard to know what is best for them, especially when they reach the point that they are no longer safe to live alone. And like you said, you did have that covered when she was living with you. But I have visited a friend in an assisted living situation and it was really nice. Not perfect, but nothing like the nursing homes I had seen growing up. Dee didn't help matters with her behavior.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Sweet picture of your mother, Shari. I like having the visual as I read about her.
Having an elderly parent is such a difficult time. Hard to know what is best for them, especially when they reach the point that they are no longer safe to live alone. And like you said, you did have that covered when she was living with you. But I have visited a friend in an assisted living situation and it was really nice. Not perfect, but nothing like the nursing homes I had seen growing up. Dee didn't help matters with her behavior.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much for commenting on the picture. That means a lot. Mom was a beauty in her prime. Mom knew about the old nursing homes and couldn't get the "horror" out of her head.
Comment from Curly Girly
Ageing these days is not easy. Most people have to work and cannot sit at home nursing the elderly, a great pity, but a sad truth in many instances. It is a hard thing to have to reach these cross-roads in life.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Ageing these days is not easy. Most people have to work and cannot sit at home nursing the elderly, a great pity, but a sad truth in many instances. It is a hard thing to have to reach these cross-roads in life.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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So true. Our principal retired early so she could take care of her mom, but her husband made enough money that she could afford too. I made over double what hubby brought home.
Comment from Leen1
Why is it that otter's within the family unit always know best by making all "intentions" that sound reasonable at the time but end up being disastrous. Surely, you viewed your mother's needs and care options with the best for her in mind. No, blame should be placed upon anyone. Unfortunately, in life unforeseen things do happen to us all. After reading this, I can feel the pain and confusion that you surely felt, because I've been there and it's no fun.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Why is it that otter's within the family unit always know best by making all "intentions" that sound reasonable at the time but end up being disastrous. Surely, you viewed your mother's needs and care options with the best for her in mind. No, blame should be placed upon anyone. Unfortunately, in life unforeseen things do happen to us all. After reading this, I can feel the pain and confusion that you surely felt, because I've been there and it's no fun.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Thanks, Leen for your comforting review. I've made plans that hopefully will keep everyone happy.
