The Misjudgement
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 " Decisions Made"Acts of Conflicts
18 total reviews
Comment from chasennov
Talking into the night The Misjudgement Decisions Made.' This is an excellent chapter you have created here. I enjoyed the read and thought the best line was; 'What an idiot he'd been. Why hadn't he trusted her enough to confide in her?' Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Talking into the night The Misjudgement Decisions Made.' This is an excellent chapter you have created here. I enjoyed the read and thought the best line was; 'What an idiot he'd been. Why hadn't he trusted her enough to confide in her?' Well done.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much. I am so pleased that you like it. Ulla
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You are most welcome, Ulla.
Comment from jpduck
The tension is really beginning to build here, Ulla. Great stuff!
Typos/SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'James looked at Sarah not feeling comfortable.' (Delete the paragraph break after this, as it is still James speaking).
'They inserted a tape into a devi*c*e'
'The [short of the long] *long and the short of it* is'
'I suppose, I am to blame for being stupid, [courtesy of being] *and will be* charged with aid*ing* and abetting' ('courtesy of' means 'by kind consent of' and doesn't fit with what you're saying here).
'This is my house and I don't remember [I] asking you to spend the night'
'Everything always look*s* brighter in daylight'
Adrian
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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The tension is really beginning to build here, Ulla. Great stuff!
Typos/SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'James looked at Sarah not feeling comfortable.' (Delete the paragraph break after this, as it is still James speaking).
'They inserted a tape into a devi*c*e'
'The [short of the long] *long and the short of it* is'
'I suppose, I am to blame for being stupid, [courtesy of being] *and will be* charged with aid*ing* and abetting' ('courtesy of' means 'by kind consent of' and doesn't fit with what you're saying here).
'This is my house and I don't remember [I] asking you to spend the night'
'Everything always look*s* brighter in daylight'
Adrian
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Hi Adrian, This is a great review and very helpful. I have made all the corrections. I could kick myself that I keep making those silly mistakes after spending a long time of editing. Thanks again, I really appreciate you take your time. Ulla
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Hey! Stop kicking yourself. We all fail to spot some of our own errors because we tend to see what we are expecting. That is the main reason that editors exist in the industry.
Adrian
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A good continuation of this story. I am quite invested in this as it originates from two competition pieces. Woven well together, and I want to see where you go with it!
I thought it was a good write but needs a further polish I think.
I made some notes as detailed below -
'why don't you stop drinking. - possibly a question mark inserted here.
I don't remember I asked you to stay the night - asking you to spend the night may flow better here?
speak in the morning' need a full stop after morning.
Why hadn't he trusted her enough to confide in her - question mark needed.
where Sarah was tugging into her breakfast - this is an odd expression. Perhaps tucking in to her breakfast.
' Do you want coffee? - delete space after ' and needs closing speech marks.
call the police. - needs closing speech marks.
'Hello! - closing speech marks needed.
A pensive look grossed - crossed.
All the best
G
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
 |
Hi there,
A good continuation of this story. I am quite invested in this as it originates from two competition pieces. Woven well together, and I want to see where you go with it!
I thought it was a good write but needs a further polish I think.
I made some notes as detailed below -
'why don't you stop drinking. - possibly a question mark inserted here.
I don't remember I asked you to stay the night - asking you to spend the night may flow better here?
speak in the morning' need a full stop after morning.
Why hadn't he trusted her enough to confide in her - question mark needed.
where Sarah was tugging into her breakfast - this is an odd expression. Perhaps tucking in to her breakfast.
' Do you want coffee? - delete space after ' and needs closing speech marks.
call the police. - needs closing speech marks.
'Hello! - closing speech marks needed.
A pensive look grossed - crossed.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Hi Girafmang, Thanks for your honest review. I do appreciate it and I have made all the corrections. It annoys me that after all the editing I do , I still don't see it. I hope I will improve. I am working on it. Thank you for your time. Ulla
Comment from Jay Squires
An entertaining chapter. Things heating up. James doesn't want to get Sarah involved. But something's apparently happened to him and now she has been knocked unconscious.
Below are my concerns:
the police wants to know the dealings [the police WANT to know ... >> "police" are considered plural.
her voice trembling from anger, [You don't really need this "telling" since you already mentioned the anger she was feeling.]
'Good night James, speak in the morning' [These are two sentences, separated by a comma. It's called a a run-on sentence or a comma splice. You need to change the comma to another punctuation: period or semicolon.]
' Do you want coffee? [You have extra space after open quote and no closed quote.]
If I'm not back within the hour, call the police. [No closed quote.]
The voice was gruff, not short of being aggressive. [NOT SHORT of being aggressive means he is fully aggressive. Is that what you meant. If it is, I don't know why you had to even say it.]
A pensive look grossed Sarah's face. [A pensive look CROSSED ? Sarah's face.]
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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An entertaining chapter. Things heating up. James doesn't want to get Sarah involved. But something's apparently happened to him and now she has been knocked unconscious.
Below are my concerns:
the police wants to know the dealings [the police WANT to know ... >> "police" are considered plural.
her voice trembling from anger, [You don't really need this "telling" since you already mentioned the anger she was feeling.]
'Good night James, speak in the morning' [These are two sentences, separated by a comma. It's called a a run-on sentence or a comma splice. You need to change the comma to another punctuation: period or semicolon.]
' Do you want coffee? [You have extra space after open quote and no closed quote.]
If I'm not back within the hour, call the police. [No closed quote.]
The voice was gruff, not short of being aggressive. [NOT SHORT of being aggressive means he is fully aggressive. Is that what you meant. If it is, I don't know why you had to even say it.]
A pensive look grossed Sarah's face. [A pensive look CROSSED ? Sarah's face.]
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Hi Jay Squires, Thank you so much for your great review. I have made corrections and I really appreciate the time you are taking. I edit so much and I still get it wrong! But I am learning I hope. I am pleased that you like the story. Ulla
Comment from justafan
Mmmm, lots going on in this chapter my friend. I love how this reads and draws me in. Very talented writer you are Ulla. This could just be the book you have waited a lifetime to write. It has all the elements, Love, suspense, criminal activity. The heroine is wonderful. Great job.
Always justafan,
Missy
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Mmmm, lots going on in this chapter my friend. I love how this reads and draws me in. Very talented writer you are Ulla. This could just be the book you have waited a lifetime to write. It has all the elements, Love, suspense, criminal activity. The heroine is wonderful. Great job.
Always justafan,
Missy
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Hi justafan, Thank you so much. I am pleased that you like the story. I like Sarah as well. Ulla
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent chapter, ulla, james angers sarah because of his assumption he's invited to stay the night, they ponder the lights on the lake, and in the morning sarah is knocked over the head when she seeks to find james in the shed to warn him of a phone call she got.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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this is an excellent chapter, ulla, james angers sarah because of his assumption he's invited to stay the night, they ponder the lights on the lake, and in the morning sarah is knocked over the head when she seeks to find james in the shed to warn him of a phone call she got.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much, I am glad that you like it. Ulla
Comment from lancellot
A very good chapter and well written.
notes:
'Well, I want another drink[.]' James turned to the drink cabinet
'Go on[,]' handing her glass to James.
-suggest change to period for the action that follows.
'Good night James,[] speak in the morning[.]'
- feels like a word is missing (we'll?)
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
|
A very good chapter and well written.
notes:
'Well, I want another drink[.]' James turned to the drink cabinet
'Go on[,]' handing her glass to James.
-suggest change to period for the action that follows.
'Good night James,[] speak in the morning[.]'
- feels like a word is missing (we'll?)
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Thank you for a very good review. I have corrected and it should read better now. Thanks again Ulla
Comment from Sasha
This is getting very tense and scary. James is a fool, but so far I feel he made an honest mistake. I understand the police's suspicions but why would he go to the police if he was involved in something illegal? That should weigh in his favor, but maybe they think he just had second thoughts and is trying to find a way out of this mess. Very nice work with this chapter. I didn't find anything that needed changing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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This is getting very tense and scary. James is a fool, but so far I feel he made an honest mistake. I understand the police's suspicions but why would he go to the police if he was involved in something illegal? That should weigh in his favor, but maybe they think he just had second thoughts and is trying to find a way out of this mess. Very nice work with this chapter. I didn't find anything that needed changing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much. I am glad you enjoyed it. Best wishes Ulla
