The Change
Undelivered Father's Day card60 total reviews
Comment from valerieellis
Excellent! What a beautiful, sad, and REAL writing!! Forgiveness is never easy but seems to be especially hard when it is needed for a parent. I was blessed to have a strong, dependable father in my life but my oldest daughter has not been so blessed. She is now 23 and I everyday I see how this absence has hurt and shaped her. I will share this writing with her, in hopes that she too, can forgive the father that never was. God bless :-)
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015
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Excellent! What a beautiful, sad, and REAL writing!! Forgiveness is never easy but seems to be especially hard when it is needed for a parent. I was blessed to have a strong, dependable father in my life but my oldest daughter has not been so blessed. She is now 23 and I everyday I see how this absence has hurt and shaped her. I will share this writing with her, in hopes that she too, can forgive the father that never was. God bless :-)
Comment Written 22-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015
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Thank you, valerieellis, for your kind review. It cheers me to know that you are sharing with your daughter the lesson of my story. If I did not forgive my father, it would destroy me. I chose to treat him better than he treated me. I am a better man for it. Thank you again for your review.
Comment from Brabazon
This is a story of a son who never saw his father until undelivered Father's Day gifts reminded the son of the need to find the father. Luckily, the father was alive at the time.
I loved the glossy writing style this story played up. Perhaps you build your story by resisting the temptation to use words or expression you just discovered and sieving the words with a mess to allow only preferred words to appear in the writing. I think that the temptation to use words just discovered is a hallmark of diffident writers. Along that line, you are a pro.
Ever since joining Fanstory, I have learned the openness of folks from the Western world, preferring to talk about "inner" family matters with the using a "megaphone". I see it here, as well. I learned from this, too. Some say that talking openly about private issues help bring healing. I feel the truth of this statement.
Then something caught my attention. The mention of "a Hausa cap". Coming from the Hausa speaking region of Nigeria that spans two-third of the country's landmass, there was no way the mention of that by an African American would not strike a cord in me. You are not too far away from Africa, after all. The world is, indeed, a small place.
It was a nice story that I enjoyed reading. I hope you find my five-star rating acceptable.
Brabazon.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015
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This is a story of a son who never saw his father until undelivered Father's Day gifts reminded the son of the need to find the father. Luckily, the father was alive at the time.
I loved the glossy writing style this story played up. Perhaps you build your story by resisting the temptation to use words or expression you just discovered and sieving the words with a mess to allow only preferred words to appear in the writing. I think that the temptation to use words just discovered is a hallmark of diffident writers. Along that line, you are a pro.
Ever since joining Fanstory, I have learned the openness of folks from the Western world, preferring to talk about "inner" family matters with the using a "megaphone". I see it here, as well. I learned from this, too. Some say that talking openly about private issues help bring healing. I feel the truth of this statement.
Then something caught my attention. The mention of "a Hausa cap". Coming from the Hausa speaking region of Nigeria that spans two-third of the country's landmass, there was no way the mention of that by an African American would not strike a cord in me. You are not too far away from Africa, after all. The world is, indeed, a small place.
It was a nice story that I enjoyed reading. I hope you find my five-star rating acceptable.
Brabazon.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015
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Thank you, Brabazon, your five star rating is acceptable, indeed. Regarding the "Hausa cap," my father was an artist who frequently dressed in African clothing he received in trade or as gifts from other artists. I "crowned" him with the Hausa cap to make him look regal. Most of my ancestors came from Nigeria. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi...
_ This is such a touching story.
_ It's good you and your father became closer before his passing.
_ I like how you told your story, and better yet, how you ended it. The last sentence is awesome.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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Hi...
_ This is such a touching story.
_ It's good you and your father became closer before his passing.
_ I like how you told your story, and better yet, how you ended it. The last sentence is awesome.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 22-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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Thank you, Jax, for your fine review. I am glad you enjoyed my story and its awesome last sentence.
Comment from ravenblack
Any time a story brings tears to my eyes, well, it gets a six. Dressing your father to be the father you want to present to the world, your pride, the role-reversal - very poignant and moving.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015
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Any time a story brings tears to my eyes, well, it gets a six. Dressing your father to be the father you want to present to the world, your pride, the role-reversal - very poignant and moving.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015
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Thank you, ravenblack, for your tender, six star review. I am humbled that my story brought tears to your eyes. I would not let him attend his awards dinner award dressed as if he had just left his pottery studio. I swallowed my pain and my pride and treated him fatherly like I wanted him to treat me. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Pantygynt
Making one of my few visits to the world of prose, I came across this name I know from thre poetry site so I thought I'd stop by and have a look. My expertise is more in the line of poetry and dramatic scriptwriting but you have to broaden your outlook from time to time. So here goes.
This is an autobiographical piece and written in such a way that it is really very touching in parts. Time passes us by so quickly and there are often regrets for what has been left out of our lives. This feeling comes over clearly here. Could ther, should there have been more direct speech here. Stiking this balance is always difficult and doubly so when one of the majore characters is absent.
It was an enjoyable read that left me thinking perhaps I should stop by the prose section of the site more often.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015
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Making one of my few visits to the world of prose, I came across this name I know from thre poetry site so I thought I'd stop by and have a look. My expertise is more in the line of poetry and dramatic scriptwriting but you have to broaden your outlook from time to time. So here goes.
This is an autobiographical piece and written in such a way that it is really very touching in parts. Time passes us by so quickly and there are often regrets for what has been left out of our lives. This feeling comes over clearly here. Could ther, should there have been more direct speech here. Stiking this balance is always difficult and doubly so when one of the majore characters is absent.
It was an enjoyable read that left me thinking perhaps I should stop by the prose section of the site more often.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015
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Thank you, Pantygynt, for stopping by the prose section. My poems are stories and my stories are poems. I am glad this poem left you thinking you should stop by the prose section more.
Comment from nomi338
Your story reached my heart and broke it into at the very same time. My story is so similar to yours in so many ways. I was about five years old when my parents divorced, I was twenty eight years old when I next saw him. He spent the last seventeen years of his life in a nursing home as his dementia steadily progressed. By the time I decided to go and visit him he never woke up, he just lay there snoring to beat the band, he would not have recognized me anyway. Over the years since his death cousins and friends of his tell me stories about what a wonderful friend and uncle he was. I can only smile and say I did not know him. I am his only child and I do believe that he never really wanted to be a dad, when it was so much more fun to that great uncle who made you laugh and who bought you great gifts while his only child remained empty handed and empty hearted. Thank you for writing this gem of a story.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015
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Your story reached my heart and broke it into at the very same time. My story is so similar to yours in so many ways. I was about five years old when my parents divorced, I was twenty eight years old when I next saw him. He spent the last seventeen years of his life in a nursing home as his dementia steadily progressed. By the time I decided to go and visit him he never woke up, he just lay there snoring to beat the band, he would not have recognized me anyway. Over the years since his death cousins and friends of his tell me stories about what a wonderful friend and uncle he was. I can only smile and say I did not know him. I am his only child and I do believe that he never really wanted to be a dad, when it was so much more fun to that great uncle who made you laugh and who bought you great gifts while his only child remained empty handed and empty hearted. Thank you for writing this gem of a story.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015
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Thank you for sharing your story. These are hard losses. I did the best I could to reconcile with him in the time he had left. I would not let the divorce destroy. Even though he never set foot at my awards dinner, I dressed him for his, sat applauding, and had us photographed. I refused to treat my father the way he treated me. I am a better man for it.
I am glad my story resonated with you on so many levels. Thank you for your six star review.
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Thank you, your words really did reach me, and isn't that the goal of anyone who writes, to touch someone, to make a connection. I would never want to write something that no one gets.
Comment from DreamtwithClarity
This is a very touching story. I like that you took a personal experience and made it into a story. I am sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to lose a father and I feel for you. Thank you for writing this story. - D.O.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015
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This is a very touching story. I like that you took a personal experience and made it into a story. I am sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to lose a father and I feel for you. Thank you for writing this story. - D.O.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015
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Thank you, DreamtwithClarity, for your kind review and condolences. I am glad our story touched you.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Andre
A courageous story full of emotion, even better when I watched your rehearsal video ... I enjoyed your performance and can understand why you received your highest mark. Many of us glean over our relationships with our parents, especially when they weren't around, negligent or not the loving kind. It is wonderful to read in your story you had the moral fortitude to rise above your own hurt and have a loving evening with your father at his finest moment. Sounds like he looked rather grand thanks to your support. Your story flowed and is entertaining all the way through. I feel your love and respect for yourself which makes you able to offer the same to your father. What a shame he never had the opportunity to receive you lovely works of art for his Fathers' Day.
Your story is well written and full of emotion and creates awareness of a loving way to treat those who may have been remiss in our lives. It is certainly a loving piece in tribute. well done. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015
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Hi Andre
A courageous story full of emotion, even better when I watched your rehearsal video ... I enjoyed your performance and can understand why you received your highest mark. Many of us glean over our relationships with our parents, especially when they weren't around, negligent or not the loving kind. It is wonderful to read in your story you had the moral fortitude to rise above your own hurt and have a loving evening with your father at his finest moment. Sounds like he looked rather grand thanks to your support. Your story flowed and is entertaining all the way through. I feel your love and respect for yourself which makes you able to offer the same to your father. What a shame he never had the opportunity to receive you lovely works of art for his Fathers' Day.
Your story is well written and full of emotion and creates awareness of a loving way to treat those who may have been remiss in our lives. It is certainly a loving piece in tribute. well done. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 21-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015
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Thank you, Lovinia, for your kind, enthusiastic review. I made a conscious choice not to let the way he treated me destroy me. I rose above my own hurt and treated him the way I wanted him to treat me. Thank you for your six star review.
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My pleasure. I've had some issues with my mother and have spent too many years keeping her at arms length ... in recent months I've been following the example you advocate and now in her ninetieth year we have found the love we have had for each other and when she passes I feel we will both have more open hearts. I understand the sorrow for what we've both missed these past years. Your piece is an inspiration for relationship healing. L xoxo
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Thank you, Lovinia, I am glad you are following the path I took to relationship healing.
Comment from Fridayauthor
This is a very nice Father's Day tribute, very well written. Most enjoyable and easy to read.
Perhaps...
I had no one to give them to...
I had no one there to accept my masterpiece...
Thank you!
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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This is a very nice Father's Day tribute, very well written. Most enjoyable and easy to read.
Perhaps...
I had no one to give them to...
I had no one there to accept my masterpiece...
Thank you!
Comment Written 21-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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Thank you, Fridayauthor, for your fine review and suggestions. I made the correction.
Comment from Lesley Collier
A very touching story of a young man whose father had left him at a very early age and though his father was never there for his events and awards finds his father alone and all to himself for an award to be presented to his father. Instead of holding a grudge against his father he decides to become the father to his father as he would have wished his father to be to him. Sprucing his father up and attending the awards giving his father the support he never had turns out to be a treasured memory as his father dies of prostate cancer years later. Well written with a wonderful lesson!
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015
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A very touching story of a young man whose father had left him at a very early age and though his father was never there for his events and awards finds his father alone and all to himself for an award to be presented to his father. Instead of holding a grudge against his father he decides to become the father to his father as he would have wished his father to be to him. Sprucing his father up and attending the awards giving his father the support he never had turns out to be a treasured memory as his father dies of prostate cancer years later. Well written with a wonderful lesson!
Comment Written 21-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015
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Thank you, Lesley, for your detailed, six star summary. Yes, my well written story provides a lesson for us all.
