Destiny's Angel
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Mall"A fantasy novel set in modern day Baltimore
9 total reviews
Comment from boxergirl
Uh oh...could this be the evil sister...Leo and Candace may be in trouble.
I liked the setting at the mall and at the chaotic Christmas season.
Well done, Rhonda.
Karen 8-)
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2015
  |
Uh oh...could this be the evil sister...Leo and Candace may be in trouble.
I liked the setting at the mall and at the chaotic Christmas season.
Well done, Rhonda.
Karen 8-)
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2015
-
Thank you, Karen, and, yes it is her! Thanks for staying with the story,
Rhonda
Comment from amahra
Very nice installment of new chapter. The dialogue was crisp and very realistic. Love where the story line is heading. Look forward to the next chapter. Great job, my friend.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
|
Very nice installment of new chapter. The dialogue was crisp and very realistic. Love where the story line is heading. Look forward to the next chapter. Great job, my friend.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
-
Thank you so much! I value your reviews because you are always honest, and that helps me mold and shape the story. Much appreciated,
Rhonda
Comment from Fridayauthor
Interesting story line, very well written and easy to follow.
for the axman's final thrust." thrust a sword, swing an axe?
for the axman's final swing."
the homeless dude, that got you chased
the homeless dude, who got you chased
Most enjoyable!
Thank you!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
|
Interesting story line, very well written and easy to follow.
for the axman's final thrust." thrust a sword, swing an axe?
for the axman's final swing."
the homeless dude, that got you chased
the homeless dude, who got you chased
Most enjoyable!
Thank you!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
-
Thank you! Very responsive review. Love it,
Rhonda
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 16 of the book Destiny's Angel Cadence and C-Daddy go the mall to follow a theory. "The Mall" What a terrific chapter this is, Rhonda. I enjoyed this read very much, especially; 'Her hand was held out before her as though bidding someone to take it, and that someone she was gazing at was Leo.' Okay, Rhonda, who is this woman then? Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
|
Chapter 16 of the book Destiny's Angel Cadence and C-Daddy go the mall to follow a theory. "The Mall" What a terrific chapter this is, Rhonda. I enjoyed this read very much, especially; 'Her hand was held out before her as though bidding someone to take it, and that someone she was gazing at was Leo.' Okay, Rhonda, who is this woman then? Well done.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
-
She's a very naughty older sister. Thanks for your great review. And the mall, who doesn't like to go to a mall around Christmas?
Thanks, your reviews are always cherished!
Rhonda
-
Naughty hey? I can't wait. C.
-
And you wanted the key back...
-
No, I don't need the key.
Comment from Janet7053
Another good and engaging chapter for young adults.
This places us at the scene and gives us the characters interaction very vividly.
C-Daddy glanced over his shoulder and cupped both hands to his mouth to indicate that she should scream. Fine, she thought, she could definitely do that, but she felt doubtful about his ability to hear her across a crowded mall. But then, again, he had found her at the school when she needed him.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
|
Another good and engaging chapter for young adults.
This places us at the scene and gives us the characters interaction very vividly.
C-Daddy glanced over his shoulder and cupped both hands to his mouth to indicate that she should scream. Fine, she thought, she could definitely do that, but she felt doubtful about his ability to hear her across a crowded mall. But then, again, he had found her at the school when she needed him.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
-
Thank you so much, and you are the first to mention my target audience! Thanks,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda, and the woman splashing around in the fountain reminds me of the time I saw the same thing at the mall--it was just outside 'The Binger's Paradise', a bar, and I saw this woman doing the exact same thing, but then I tended to see lots of crazy things after 18 drinks, so you'd probably be wise to ignore my ass!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
|
Another fine chapter, Rhonda, and the woman splashing around in the fountain reminds me of the time I saw the same thing at the mall--it was just outside 'The Binger's Paradise', a bar, and I saw this woman doing the exact same thing, but then I tended to see lots of crazy things after 18 drinks, so you'd probably be wise to ignore my ass!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
-
Thank you, Mike. I'm willing to bet it was the exact same woman, in fact, she mentioned you by name! Thanks,
Rhonda
-
So, it DID happen, huh?
-
Yeah, but she promised not to tell if you didn't. Too late now.
-
Hey, can you tell her I'd like my house key back, please? Of course, it's no longer my house, and I'd hate for the new owners to get an unpleasant surprise!
-
She says if you want it, come get it. I don't know, she was pretty and all, but I get "controlling" from her. I would definitely steer clear of the fountain girl...nothing but trouble there.
-
Thanks for the warning--that's the kind of woman I seem to attract, ones that want to wear the pants in the family, and want me wearing a pretty floral-pattern dress--some of those dress are gorgeous, but...!
-
Too funny, my friend.
-
Thanks Rhonda, I think I've come up with a great system, if I write enough, SOMETHING'S about to be humorous, at least on purpose!
Comment from royowen
Aha, I wonder about the beautiful woman, just like Cadence was lured by one of the twins, who deceived her with his overwhelming charm, presence etc. Wonderful series Rhonda, you have me wondering from one episode to the next, what will regale the reader, C-Daddy is certainly more than he appears to be, and the serpents are certainly afraid of him, well done, my friend, good scribing, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
|
Aha, I wonder about the beautiful woman, just like Cadence was lured by one of the twins, who deceived her with his overwhelming charm, presence etc. Wonderful series Rhonda, you have me wondering from one episode to the next, what will regale the reader, C-Daddy is certainly more than he appears to be, and the serpents are certainly afraid of him, well done, my friend, good scribing, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
-
Thank you, Roy! You have no idea how much your review and comments mean to me! Yes, C-Daddy is more, and you have guessed as much. The sister is very like the brothers only worse! Thanks so much,
Rhonda
-
Most welcome, Rhonda,
Comment from MelB
Wow, great chapter Rhonda. This is clearly the battle between good and evil taking place, confirmed by the mention of the 12 who were martyred. Great ending with finding the woman with her hand outstretched to Leo in the fountain. So, what does she want? Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
|
Wow, great chapter Rhonda. This is clearly the battle between good and evil taking place, confirmed by the mention of the 12 who were martyred. Great ending with finding the woman with her hand outstretched to Leo in the fountain. So, what does she want? Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
-
Thanks for the great review, and for following the story. The woman definitely wants something and will try hard to get it. Thanks,
Rhonda
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Rhonda, wow, what a twist mate. I still love the mystery and the way the answer is slowly creeping up on me. This is great stuff, well done....
A couple of suggestions..
"She had been so glad to be rescued that she hadn't bothered to find out how (or) why."
" or she gather (could) the pieces of her shattered courage and go to the Food Court alone."
""C-Daddy went with me, and we told him(them) everything. They noted the information down,"
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
|
G'day Rhonda, wow, what a twist mate. I still love the mystery and the way the answer is slowly creeping up on me. This is great stuff, well done....
A couple of suggestions..
"She had been so glad to be rescued that she hadn't bothered to find out how (or) why."
" or she gather (could) the pieces of her shattered courage and go to the Food Court alone."
""C-Daddy went with me, and we told him(them) everything. They noted the information down,"
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
-
Thanks, Feral, for the notes on Spags. No matter how many times I read the passage, some things slip by. You know what you mean to say, but it doesn't always end up that way. I'll go change it!
Rhonda
-
LOL. That happens with everything I write everytime LOL. In the last one I posted I had.."what what" in 2 separate lines LOL.
-
That's funny. Okay, I've fixed the ones you found. It's so strange looking back over it and finding those errors you overlooked several times. Good eyes, my friend!
