Joe's Funeral
a little fun with haibun--Wow a rhyme!17 total reviews
Comment from TPAC
I like the thrown aspects detailed in this work conveyance, writer crafty talents has reader in limbo, as writer piece together their safe arrival in thoughts
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
  |
I like the thrown aspects detailed in this work conveyance, writer crafty talents has reader in limbo, as writer piece together their safe arrival in thoughts
Comment Written 28-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
-
Thanks.
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Ingrid,
I thought I already reviewed this... must be that old age creeping in? So this Hailbun could be like a precursor for me... hope I have some one like Joe to take me out to help me forget where I am... loved the imagery packed in as walked down the smelly hall-ways, looked into the lonely eyes in the bed-ridden rooms and scooted to freedom... and well that haiku... a real pearl of wisdom... or is that reality... hmmmmmmm? One of those things, my mind's slipping... beautiful write and all the very best in the POM voting... sorry I didn't get to this earlier with my six's, but you're right in the mix of things without them, right?
With our thoughts we create,
a sad reality,
James vx's
******Stars!!!!!!
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
|
Hi Ingrid,
I thought I already reviewed this... must be that old age creeping in? So this Hailbun could be like a precursor for me... hope I have some one like Joe to take me out to help me forget where I am... loved the imagery packed in as walked down the smelly hall-ways, looked into the lonely eyes in the bed-ridden rooms and scooted to freedom... and well that haiku... a real pearl of wisdom... or is that reality... hmmmmmmm? One of those things, my mind's slipping... beautiful write and all the very best in the POM voting... sorry I didn't get to this earlier with my six's, but you're right in the mix of things without them, right?
With our thoughts we create,
a sad reality,
James vx's
******Stars!!!!!!
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
-
I find it hard to believe that haibun is rated as poetry, but there you go... Hope you POM wins, Thanks,
Comment from maggieadams
You have mastered the Haibun. No word is without meaning or punch...I read so much truth and attitude into this poem...the slop, the dignity/indignity of the woman. Old-age is not for sissie
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
 |
You have mastered the Haibun. No word is without meaning or punch...I read so much truth and attitude into this poem...the slop, the dignity/indignity of the woman. Old-age is not for sissie
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015
-
I think the sissy quote is from Hepburn. Thanka
Comment from jlsavell
Ingrid, I love your work. I love your haiburns. I am not to familiar with the rules regarding haiburn, but with what I know you have executed another one perfectly. Again, it is the writer in you and you shine woman, you shine.. Jimi
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2015
|
Ingrid, I love your work. I love your haiburns. I am not to familiar with the rules regarding haiburn, but with what I know you have executed another one perfectly. Again, it is the writer in you and you shine woman, you shine.. Jimi
Comment Written 20-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2015
-
Bling. My favourite glitter. Thanks so much.
Comment from DALLAS01
A dab of perfume behind each ear--the scent I've rationed for all these years. Not noticing the rancid smell of decay, twenty-year Chanel suits me--I know.
A touch of wit and humor really jazzes this form up. Full of imagery. It was like peeping through a crack in her day. loved this. Perfect haiku with a great satori.
I"m grateful to Joe for the invitation is priceless..
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
|
A dab of perfume behind each ear--the scent I've rationed for all these years. Not noticing the rancid smell of decay, twenty-year Chanel suits me--I know.
A touch of wit and humor really jazzes this form up. Full of imagery. It was like peeping through a crack in her day. loved this. Perfect haiku with a great satori.
I"m grateful to Joe for the invitation is priceless..
Comment Written 19-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2015
-
This is my go-to genre when I want to write, but don't want my brain to pump much blood. You know I like this stuff, but unlike you, I stare at the end and suffer through the poem. My favourite line in this was 'wheelchair envy.' It felt like a spring board to something else. Thanks for the bling.
-
Don't slight yourself. I haven't read a bad one yet.
Comment from Realist101
I've missed this fine writing! A most enjoyable piece, and the haiku is perfect. Lovely and meaningful Ingrid. Wow. ( And my first review. :) Suse
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
|
I've missed this fine writing! A most enjoyable piece, and the haiku is perfect. Lovely and meaningful Ingrid. Wow. ( And my first review. :) Suse
Comment Written 18-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
-
Wow! Nice to see you back. It has to be two years! I'll look forward to reading your new stuff. This form is perfect for you. As I well remember, you wrote wonderful scenes full of sensory details that hooked readers from first sentence. Thanks for the stars. I'm honoured to be your first and enjoy the bouquet.
-
I really love this post! Haibun's were my favs...I'm very impressed with this! So good to know you're still writing! x.
-
I really love this post! Haibun's were my favs...I'm very impressed with this! So good to know you're still writing! x.
Comment from Sasha
You nailed this one perfectly. I love the reference to Jackie Kennedy...something I can relate to and the line: Not noticing the rancid smell of decay, twenty-year Chanel suits me -- I still have a bottle an it is probably as old as that one. Absolutely marvelous job with this and I love the haiku, such a perfect ending to a perfect haibun. Definitely a 6 as far as I am concerned, your Highness!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
|
You nailed this one perfectly. I love the reference to Jackie Kennedy...something I can relate to and the line: Not noticing the rancid smell of decay, twenty-year Chanel suits me -- I still have a bottle an it is probably as old as that one. Absolutely marvelous job with this and I love the haiku, such a perfect ending to a perfect haibun. Definitely a 6 as far as I am concerned, your Highness!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
-
Darling, perfume rots. Throw it in the ocean as some gift to an aquatic Goddess. Hugs, ingrif
-
I probably should, but I never wear it and it came from one of the few boyfriends I ever had. It has sentimental value, if nothing else. I small reminder that I one member of the opposite sex was attracted to me...LOL
Comment from judiverse
This is excellent. I remember the Jackie Kennedy look. Hope that doesn't make me a candidate for the nursing home. The lady has a lot of attitude, savoring the opportunity to get away, even if it's for a funeral. She sees through the flattery and tries to put on a show by using her cane instead of a walker. I can appreciate her looking forward to seeing some different faces and enjoying a good meal. Well constructed all the way. The Haiku is a great reflection on life--starting as a sapling and ending as firewood. judi
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
|
This is excellent. I remember the Jackie Kennedy look. Hope that doesn't make me a candidate for the nursing home. The lady has a lot of attitude, savoring the opportunity to get away, even if it's for a funeral. She sees through the flattery and tries to put on a show by using her cane instead of a walker. I can appreciate her looking forward to seeing some different faces and enjoying a good meal. Well constructed all the way. The Haiku is a great reflection on life--starting as a sapling and ending as firewood. judi
Comment Written 18-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
-
Sometimes a little vanity is all that is left. Thanks.
-
You're welcome. I think anyone in a nursing home must be grateful for any little change. Even a special program means a lot to them. judi
Comment from Mark Valentine
As I have mentioned before, you are the Queen of the haibun. There are so many subtle images in here that so perfectly capture the world of the elderly: the funeral-as-social-event, 20 year-old perfume, Jackie Kennedy still being the reference point for fashion. Just those references make the reader feel as if we really know this lady. And the last line of the poem, given the topic of the narrative piece, is perfect.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
|
As I have mentioned before, you are the Queen of the haibun. There are so many subtle images in here that so perfectly capture the world of the elderly: the funeral-as-social-event, 20 year-old perfume, Jackie Kennedy still being the reference point for fashion. Just those references make the reader feel as if we really know this lady. And the last line of the poem, given the topic of the narrative piece, is perfect.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
-
The queen? Cool. Shall I strive for empress? This is totally play time for me. I really would prefer to think of this genre as prose with a few poetic syllables thrown in, but it is considered poetry. Ironic, as I have never pondered or sought to be recognized poetry as something I do. Thanks for the stars and the ego-boosting review.
Comment from Deejharrington
Sad, funny, but true. Funerals are no big deal, part of life. It's a chance to greet old friends, catch up on gossip, and a good meal. I love what you did with this. It reminds me of my grandmothers. It was hard to understand then, but as I get older, I do. It's one of the few times families get together. Well done, as always.
deb
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
|
Sad, funny, but true. Funerals are no big deal, part of life. It's a chance to greet old friends, catch up on gossip, and a good meal. I love what you did with this. It reminds me of my grandmothers. It was hard to understand then, but as I get older, I do. It's one of the few times families get together. Well done, as always.
deb
Comment Written 18-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
-
As we all get older I think we access a different wave length. I understand that which I once avoided and upon occasion even giggled at in contempt. Thanks.
