5-7-5 (this ballerina)
Scientific name: Oncidium Cariniferum Ballerina16 total reviews
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Dawn,
what, another illuminating species of an orchid?
They are very a popular flower here... I guess they are everywhere? There are orchid societies and major displays of every type of orchid you could imagine... one of them is just up the road from me... well and good three quarters of an hour's drive north in the next township... me, myself, I have around thirteen different species... no, none with little faces... but one I have, has the most beautiful perfume, which is not a usual characteristic... more the prolific beauty and flush of bloom.
No matter the form of your senryu , the wording is clever poignant and along with the visual is indeed a pleasure in mind's eye and thought.
Australia you say? Hmmmmmmmm, have to go searching for that one when I can walk further than the confinements of my house... no matter, I really enjoyed this series of haiku's and senryu all featuring the true uniqueness and beauty of the connection we have within nature... just gotta open your eyes and appreciate what's in plain view.
With our thoughts we create,
mimicking vibrations,
James vx's
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Hi Dawn,
what, another illuminating species of an orchid?
They are very a popular flower here... I guess they are everywhere? There are orchid societies and major displays of every type of orchid you could imagine... one of them is just up the road from me... well and good three quarters of an hour's drive north in the next township... me, myself, I have around thirteen different species... no, none with little faces... but one I have, has the most beautiful perfume, which is not a usual characteristic... more the prolific beauty and flush of bloom.
No matter the form of your senryu , the wording is clever poignant and along with the visual is indeed a pleasure in mind's eye and thought.
Australia you say? Hmmmmmmmm, have to go searching for that one when I can walk further than the confinements of my house... no matter, I really enjoyed this series of haiku's and senryu all featuring the true uniqueness and beauty of the connection we have within nature... just gotta open your eyes and appreciate what's in plain view.
With our thoughts we create,
mimicking vibrations,
James vx's
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Bless your generous heart, James- more coming in another hour and a half (when I can post again). LOL. Did you see the Donkey one? That's an orchid of Western Aussie-land too, apparently. (It's a haibun, called Donkey-faced Orchid - big surprise. LOL)
I'm so sorry you are still having trouble with the pain and mobility. I'm praying hard.
Comment from krys123
Dawn;
-I like your senryu because it is very clever and witty and it makes good sense as a follower cannot dance.
-There is good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and concepts from one stanza and line to the next without a syntactical break.
-The first two lines are grammatically interconnected and the imagery is very descriptive as well as vividly expressive.
-All right gave you the four because without the picture. It would be hard to understand the meaning of your senryu. So you senryu cannot stand alone because it needs the picture. In another words, there is nothing in your senryu to indicate that it is a flower.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Dawn;
-I like your senryu because it is very clever and witty and it makes good sense as a follower cannot dance.
-There is good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and concepts from one stanza and line to the next without a syntactical break.
-The first two lines are grammatically interconnected and the imagery is very descriptive as well as vividly expressive.
-All right gave you the four because without the picture. It would be hard to understand the meaning of your senryu. So you senryu cannot stand alone because it needs the picture. In another words, there is nothing in your senryu to indicate that it is a flower.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
Alex, that's the whole point - a senryu is not about nature - it is about people - this poem should not be about a flower to be a true senryu - the orchid is merely the vehicle for the message.
But thanks to your review, you've made me realize it is too subtle for most readers, so I've added to my author's notes. I usually do not like having to explain what a form is about. (I am not a poetry instructor - LOL. I merely learn and interpret for myself).
The beauty of Japanese poetry is how truly complex it is, rife with hidden meaning or layers beneath a very deceptive simplistic surface.
Thanks for reviewing though. I don't usually like to have to explain (to justify my work) but your review (yet again) shows me how, on this site, those author's notes should include some explanation of the form, I guess. So thank you. I now finally understand why so many DO write explanations. :)
p.s. - and you are right - when using a picture, I should be more careful - I completely forgot the flower connection - that's confusing!
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Thank you for taking your time in completing a very thorough reply which justifies using your picture in the way that you have and in turn Ratify the rating.
Alex
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Oh, that's not necessary - it actually was a case of not making the connection properly, really - you were right. I should change the darn thing and just call it a 5-7-5. Thanks, though! I appreciate your generosity.
Comment from chasennov
Scientific name: Oncidium Cariniferum Ballerina. Senryu (this ballerina). ' I just love these orchids you are showing us here. I love orchids and have never seen the ones you are referring to. So there are lots to learn about it. Well done. The poem is a pointer.
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Scientific name: Oncidium Cariniferum Ballerina. Senryu (this ballerina). ' I just love these orchids you are showing us here. I love orchids and have never seen the ones you are referring to. So there are lots to learn about it. Well done. The poem is a pointer.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
Comment from Joan E.
Your humanoid orchids are amazing, and you are right about this specimen not having shoes--or maybe she's in the middle of a big leap! I liked your addition of alliteration too. If we weren't suffering from the fourth year of a drought, I'd be temped to buy some seeds. More smiles- Joan
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Your humanoid orchids are amazing, and you are right about this specimen not having shoes--or maybe she's in the middle of a big leap! I liked your addition of alliteration too. If we weren't suffering from the fourth year of a drought, I'd be temped to buy some seeds. More smiles- Joan
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
Comment from quicksandyamurray
This is excellent. This type pf poem I think is truly difficult because you must be so brief and yet convey so much. You have done a spectacular job of it. I am impressed with this one. The picture is a perfect. And yes, all orchids, even the most frequently attempted one is difficult to raise. I can attest to that.
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This is excellent. This type pf poem I think is truly difficult because you must be so brief and yet convey so much. You have done a spectacular job of it. I am impressed with this one. The picture is a perfect. And yes, all orchids, even the most frequently attempted one is difficult to raise. I can attest to that.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
Comment from GregoryCody
Oh this is awesome. I wish there was a senryu contest! Perfect form, spot on. Great satori. And wow, that second line has beautiful alliteration.
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Oh this is awesome. I wish there was a senryu contest! Perfect form, spot on. Great satori. And wow, that second line has beautiful alliteration.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
Comment from I am Cat
WTH? Where are all these odd little orchids coming from?
lol
I haven't seen so many interesting flowers since...
well, no those were all vaginas, we went through that last night...
I'm going back to visit the men...
(just so I can sing along!) ;)
well done... :)
shoes... we need more shoes!
Cat
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WTH? Where are all these odd little orchids coming from?
lol
I haven't seen so many interesting flowers since...
well, no those were all vaginas, we went through that last night...
I'm going back to visit the men...
(just so I can sing along!) ;)
well done... :)
shoes... we need more shoes!
Cat
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
Comment from barkingdog
I've been having such fun on this page. I watched the little ballerina. She's wonderful.
Your senyru is lovely in a sad way-- A ballerina without shoes who therefore can't dance.
Ah, but your ballerina is an orchid... and now, I'm smiling again at its beauty.
- perform pirouettes (lovely alliteration)
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I've been having such fun on this page. I watched the little ballerina. She's wonderful.
Your senyru is lovely in a sad way-- A ballerina without shoes who therefore can't dance.
Ah, but your ballerina is an orchid... and now, I'm smiling again at its beauty.
- perform pirouettes (lovely alliteration)
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
Comment from Sasha
You are completely blowing me away with these orchid poems. You have opened up a whole new world for me and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. Marvelous work with all of them, I enjoyed each immensely.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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You are completely blowing me away with these orchid poems. You have opened up a whole new world for me and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. Marvelous work with all of them, I enjoyed each immensely.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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What a lovely compliment! Thank you very much, Sasha - I am just thrilled you are enjoying these!
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
this ballerina
cannot perform pirouettes
no shoes for dancing
how clever of you, Dawn - you've shown me orchids that I never knew existed - amazingly beautiful, my friend
Margaret
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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this ballerina
cannot perform pirouettes
no shoes for dancing
how clever of you, Dawn - you've shown me orchids that I never knew existed - amazingly beautiful, my friend
Margaret
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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Oh, I'm SO glad you are enjoying these! Thank you, my friend. :)
