Creepy Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Vortex of the Dark"A touch of Fear
9 total reviews
Comment from rod007
An eerie poem of the darkness and evil that roams outside in the night. I will stay indoors but then the nagging wife may bring more terror! Well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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An eerie poem of the darkness and evil that roams outside in the night. I will stay indoors but then the nagging wife may bring more terror! Well done, Tom.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thank you rod. Now that's a dilemma.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Flawless iambic pentameter (I tapped as I read!).
Another sonnet form ... brand new.
Impressive!
You set the stage beautifully - the nightfall, the creatures, the mounting tension.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Flawless iambic pentameter (I tapped as I read!).
Another sonnet form ... brand new.
Impressive!
You set the stage beautifully - the nightfall, the creatures, the mounting tension.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thank you Sonali. Pleasant dreams.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well, you weren't mistaken when you said that I might enjoy this, Tom. I did, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Those unspeakably evil entities which roam the deeply shadowed areas of the dark are what this delightfully dark and decadent poem is all about. And while I'm not a fan of sonnets (primarily because I cannot seem to write one), I did enjoy this different version, and the ways in which it was constructed and composed. Your presentation was superb, and you're correct. Those leaves certainly lend themselves to dark poetry.
Well done. ~Dean :}
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Well, you weren't mistaken when you said that I might enjoy this, Tom. I did, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Those unspeakably evil entities which roam the deeply shadowed areas of the dark are what this delightfully dark and decadent poem is all about. And while I'm not a fan of sonnets (primarily because I cannot seem to write one), I did enjoy this different version, and the ways in which it was constructed and composed. Your presentation was superb, and you're correct. Those leaves certainly lend themselves to dark poetry.
Well done. ~Dean :}
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thank you Dean. Happy screams.
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And Happy Screams to you as well, Tom. :}
Comment from Joan E.
I always enjoy your active imagination and this intertwined sonnet is no exception, even though its dark. I admired your rhymes and "vortex" metaphor, along with your dramatic photograph and presentation. I plan to stay inside all day! Smiles- Joan
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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I always enjoy your active imagination and this intertwined sonnet is no exception, even though its dark. I admired your rhymes and "vortex" metaphor, along with your dramatic photograph and presentation. I plan to stay inside all day! Smiles- Joan
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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Thank you Joan. Have you been to Transylvania?
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No--should I add Romania to our bucket list, even though I'm not interested in vampires? -J
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A good poem, the feeling of coming darkness and what happens in the darkness, is very well described, I can hear the wind howling and see all kind of night time creatures coming out of their holes, where they hide when the sun shine, because they only come to life in darkness and prey on the unexpected innocent ones.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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A good poem, the feeling of coming darkness and what happens in the darkness, is very well described, I can hear the wind howling and see all kind of night time creatures coming out of their holes, where they hide when the sun shine, because they only come to life in darkness and prey on the unexpected innocent ones.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2015
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Thank you Sandra. One of my dark poems. I'm usually more upbeat. Glad you liked it.
Comment from I am Cat
Who could resist these lines?
'When creatures of the nighttime make their mark.
The wind starts blowing, howling at the moon.
A vortex forms of things that want to roam,
Releasing to the heavens very soon,
The beasts of Hell that seek unwary souls,
And those that tarry long to make it home,
May very much regret their tardiness,
As misery and death creep from their holes
To reap the havoc only some may guess. '
I really like those lines... (though I must admit I played around with moving the word 'only' around a little... "to reap the havoc some may only guess'...
and switched it back again... wondering... (I wonder which he meant?)... and landed on, well, he's an intelligent guy... I suppose he wrote it the way he wanted it in the first place. LOL
I was reminded of Vincent Price's ending sequence of Michael Jackson's song, 'The Thriller"....
'Darkness falls across the land
The midnite hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'awl's neighbourhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse's shell
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller'
(I have no idea... but my daughter says that no matter who says what or what happens or what I hear, i will either break out in lyrics, or poetry, or prose... )
yeah, she's most definitely correct... lol
I truly enjoyed this.
Take it! Go on, take my first six and it's barely after midnight.
I was actually on my way to a gynt's poem... you're distracting me! Lol
Well done!
Very.
Cat
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
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Who could resist these lines?
'When creatures of the nighttime make their mark.
The wind starts blowing, howling at the moon.
A vortex forms of things that want to roam,
Releasing to the heavens very soon,
The beasts of Hell that seek unwary souls,
And those that tarry long to make it home,
May very much regret their tardiness,
As misery and death creep from their holes
To reap the havoc only some may guess. '
I really like those lines... (though I must admit I played around with moving the word 'only' around a little... "to reap the havoc some may only guess'...
and switched it back again... wondering... (I wonder which he meant?)... and landed on, well, he's an intelligent guy... I suppose he wrote it the way he wanted it in the first place. LOL
I was reminded of Vincent Price's ending sequence of Michael Jackson's song, 'The Thriller"....
'Darkness falls across the land
The midnite hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'awl's neighbourhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse's shell
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller'
(I have no idea... but my daughter says that no matter who says what or what happens or what I hear, i will either break out in lyrics, or poetry, or prose... )
yeah, she's most definitely correct... lol
I truly enjoyed this.
Take it! Go on, take my first six and it's barely after midnight.
I was actually on my way to a gynt's poem... you're distracting me! Lol
Well done!
Very.
Cat
Comment Written 14-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
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Thank you Cat. Ok, I will. I am not bashful. Btw, my wife said it reminded her of the V Price line before you did. Also, yes, i meant only some. But your way works too.
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Ah, seems brilliant minds think alike! (and BP minds are indeed brilliant they say!) ;)
thanks dear!
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Yes, I've noticed that.
Comment from Pantygynt
What do you have to do to a sonnet to render it not a sonnet? Well this follows the iambic pattern and the development of the content is not unlike that of the sonnet, at least to begin with. The first four lines describe the normal preparations for nightfall and the next three introduce a degree of pathetic fallacy as the wind rise. There is no volta as such, no switch of viewpoint but the poem moves into the area of the supernatural around line 8 and continues in that vein through a certain amount of convolusions to the rhyme scheme.
Instead of a couplet the piece is wound up with a tercet invoking us to stay in lest the evil get a hold.
It is an effective piece that achieves what it sets out to do - be a creepy poem and my only query is its right to be called a sonnet.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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What do you have to do to a sonnet to render it not a sonnet? Well this follows the iambic pattern and the development of the content is not unlike that of the sonnet, at least to begin with. The first four lines describe the normal preparations for nightfall and the next three introduce a degree of pathetic fallacy as the wind rise. There is no volta as such, no switch of viewpoint but the poem moves into the area of the supernatural around line 8 and continues in that vein through a certain amount of convolusions to the rhyme scheme.
Instead of a couplet the piece is wound up with a tercet invoking us to stay in lest the evil get a hold.
It is an effective piece that achieves what it sets out to do - be a creepy poem and my only query is its right to be called a sonnet.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Thank you Pantygynt. I detect that you weren't particularly enamored by the theme or the format. I did attempt at a Volta, but maybe it was too subtle. The first 8 lines were concerned with the development of the environment, while lone 9 changed to concern for the people who might encounter it. I agree with you. I don't believe the tercet adds any value to the poem, other than interlinking it with the other e rhymes. It seems to detract a bit to me too. But, that's the format. I ran across it in a contest last year.
Comment from w.j.debi
This is a beautiful sonnet. I have not heard of a Carrett Sonnet until now. According to your notes, you have created yours in perfect form.
You picked an eerie topic, and after reading your notes, I agree those leaves do look like bats. I cans see where your thoughts would be drawn to creepy creatures of the night. It makes me think I might stay inside.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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This is a beautiful sonnet. I have not heard of a Carrett Sonnet until now. According to your notes, you have created yours in perfect form.
You picked an eerie topic, and after reading your notes, I agree those leaves do look like bats. I cans see where your thoughts would be drawn to creepy creatures of the night. It makes me think I might stay inside.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Thank you W j debi. Im cglad you saw like i did.
Comment from Ronni
I like your intense and mysterious 'vortex of the dark' in reference to
all the creepy things that seem to erupt at night time, and the eerie
sense of being taken or drawn in beyond control. Great pic, perpetuates
the eeriness of the theme and presentation. Great Carrett Sonnet!
Thanks for sharing. Hope there is more coming of your writes!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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I like your intense and mysterious 'vortex of the dark' in reference to
all the creepy things that seem to erupt at night time, and the eerie
sense of being taken or drawn in beyond control. Great pic, perpetuates
the eeriness of the theme and presentation. Great Carrett Sonnet!
Thanks for sharing. Hope there is more coming of your writes!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Thank you Rni for a wonderful review.
