Comment from Shirley McLain

Excellent

Very good flash fiction and the story. Was Jimmy in handcuffs or did him have them to handcuff the priest? You did a great job. Shirley

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Jimmy handcuffed the priest, then set the church on fire.
"Shoot or burn [priest]. It's your choice." Of course, I inserted the word "priest" to make it clearer for you.
See, the priest has been banging poor Jimmy's old lady, Okiegal, and might even consider himself lucky that he's being given a choice. Now from what I've seen, read, and heard on the topic, burning alive isn't pleasant. Obviously the priest would use the gun on himself to escape the pain. However, Jimmy hasn't really given him a choice at all. He's taken all of the bullets out of the cylinder and put them in his pockets. He obviously wants the doomed man to suffer for what he's done.
Thank you very much for reading and providing your feed back on my 100 word terror tale, Shirley. I do appreciate it.

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

This is an intriguing tale. Unfortunately, I don't get the full effect of it they way it's written.

"Shoot, or burn... your choice." [I would understand this if it were "BE SHOT or burn. The way it is now, without a speaker tag, it's unclear who would "Shoot, or burn.

Good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Hey, Jay, thanks very much for having a go at my 100 worder...
Jimmy is telling the priest that he can either shoot himself, or burn to death... "Shoot, or burn, [priest]. Your choice." So "shoot", the present tense of the verb, would be the correct usage. Of course, I inserted "priest" to give you a clearer picture.
It would be like someone telling you, Do or die, Jay. It's your choice. Do you see?
So, the priest has been banging poor Jimmy's old lady, and might even consider himself lucky that he's being given a choice. Now from what I've seen, read, and heard on the topic, burning alive isn't pleasant. Obviously the priest would use the gun on himself to escape the pain. However, Jimmy hasn't given him a choice. He's taken all of the bullets out of the cylinder and put them in his pockets. He obviously wants the doomed man to suffer for what he's done.
That's about it in a nutshell, my friend. Thanks so much again for giving me your honest opinions.

reply by Jay Squires on 02-Jun-2015

I'll be damned! It's so easy with a little Dean Kuch hanging out of my shirt pocket, whispering the meaning in my ear. Thank you--now get back down there before someone else hears. Oh yes! I have one of those 50's shirts that has a flap and a button. Stay down

reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015

Hah-ha, thanks, Jay. I did make some...alterations in the hopes of making it more comprehensible. Hopefully it's much better now, although I hate to spell things out in backs & whites. Especially with flash fiction. Sometimes, like haiku poetry and the "Ah-ha!" moment, you have to have faith enough in your readers abilities to read between the lines.

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Clever write, author. I think I had it figured way ahead of time though. No big deal clever minds run in similar circles they say or some such thing. I do think you covered a lot of ground in 100 words. Bravo! Bob

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Hey, Bob. I tried to conceal the reveal until as close to the end as humanly possible. And -- as you stated -- like minded individuals do tend to think alike, LOL.
Thanks so much for your review, my good friend. I really appreciate it!

Comment from lakeport

Excellent

Holy smoke, indeed the Priest must have been sweating, I enjoyed reading the story, Good luck at the contest. God bless you. Lakeport.

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Thank you, lakeport. Yeah, I would imagine once Jimmy set fire to the church after handcuffing the priest and taking all of the bullets with him, the old adulterous priest probably got really hot under the collar, if you get my drift.
Thanks again for reading, and God bless you as well.

reply by lakeport on 01-Jun-2015

you are very welcome. Lakeport.

Comment from Muffins

Exceptional

The sin is represented in the covert of both men, the priest hidden inside an confessional and his executor bond in handcuffs. The priest having an adulterous affair. The hatred in the husband's heart.
The dialogue is precise and tells a sizzling tale. It's plotted with a golden pen, it's theme is riveting and the ending in most minds justified. Heavy in quiet action. Loved it.

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Thanks so much for the exceptional comments and six star rating, Muffins. I see you've understood the gist of my story perfectly, and for that, I am very grateful.
Thanks so much again, I'm really glad you liked it.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is an excellent write, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this short story about the man who made his own brand of confession. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Thanks, Pam, I appreciate the review.
Flash fiction is kinda like haiku poetry -- only prose -- I think. It's gotta have that, "Ah-ha!" moment to be effective. If you read between the lines a little, it finally reaches out and slaps you a good one. That's when you smile and say..."Oh-h-h-h, now I get it!" lol.
Thanks again for the great feedback, and for taking the time to review this story. All are greatly appreciated. :}

Comment from emkoutny

Excellent

I love this! The little bit for foreshadowing with the priest gulping is great. i had to stop and go back and reread it to understand that it was the priest who was screwing the wife. Brilliant!

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Thanks, emkoutny, and that is exactly what flash fiction is supposed to be designed to do. It's kinda like haiku poetry -- only prose -- with that tell-tale, "Ah-ha!" moment. If you read between the lines a little, it finally reaches out and slaps you a good one. That's when you smile and say..."Oh-h-h-h, now I get it!" lol.
Thanks again for the great feedback, and for taking the time to review this story. All are greatly appreciated. :}

reply by emkoutny on 01-Jun-2015

I voted for you!

reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Thanks! ;)

Comment from sibhus

Excellent

Ha, ha, what a twisted little story, but it was great. Nice change, too, the priest not being a child molester. A very well written piece in only a hundred words. This makes for excellent addition to the contest, and good luck.

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Thanks, Husker. I'm really glad you liked it and picked up on the dark humor. I think dark humor and horror make excellent bedfellows, don't you?
Much obliged for the review, my friend. ;}

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Wow! That was uninspected. Good story and all in 100 words, not bad at all. The story flowed well, the format is right on the theme, the character is well developed, the descriptive words help visualising the story.

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Thanks, Gypsy. I'm really happy to know that you enjoyed reading it. Much obliged for the review. ~Dean

Comment from Patti R.

Excellent

Okay, so the priest is screwing Jimmy's wife. Jimmy takes his revenge by handcuffing the priest to the confessional? I presume at gunpoint.
The first line about the swirling dark clouds isn't necessary to the story.
And the last line confused me - Who hadn't heard a shot? The priest? So did Jimmy shoot him? Couldn't have killed him because we're told the priest will be burning alive, right?
I did like the title!

Good luck.

Patti

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Jimmy gave the priest an option. Shoot yourself, or burn to death. Of course, I imagine he made it as difficult as possible to reach the bullets once he'd left. I guess the priest never made it to those bullets, and perhaps that was Jimmy's intent all along.
Thanks for telling me what worked and didn't in the story, Patti. I do appreciate it.

reply by Patti R. on 01-Jun-2015

Ah, I see. It makes more sense now.

reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

I've made revisions. See if it is better now. I would appreciate you letting me know, and thanks again.