Comment from kriver

Exceptional

Hi Dean,
You did an outstanding
job writing this flash fiction story.
This write proves to things
1. You truly do have a GOD
given talent for writing.
Most everyone on the site
recognizes that fact.
2. You don't need four letter words
to scare the pants off
your readers and keep them
on the edge of their seat
with expectation of chills, thrills, and gore. The story tension does that all by itself and uses the readers imagination to accomplish it to boot.
The dialogue is descriptive, clear, and vivid setting the scenes very well.
Maybe after the contest you could continue the story so the readers
can find out what happens with the characters.
Over all it is a superb write.
Semper Fi Marine

 Comment Written 02-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015

Thanks, my brother, but the contest has already been decided, at around1:00 a.m. this morning. I tied with RodG for first place. His story was the complete antithesis of mine. His was a warm and heartwarming tale of a grandmother leaving her long-time home and bird friends. Mine, while rather "warm", was hardly a "feel good" story, lol. I guess the voters were being pulled in two polar opposite directions.
That aside, I'm very happy you enjoyed it, and I really appreciate the six stars and all the nice things you've said. That made my day, buddy!
Semper Fi, Marine...;)
~Dean

reply by kriver on 03-Jun-2015

Hi Dean,
lol The priest got an unexpected burning preview of his possible eternity? He learned the literal meaning of getting a real hotfoot, being hot under the collar, what it is really like to roast, going up or down in flames as the case may be,and having that deep burning sensation all at the same time. I sorta think he'd be a little over done by the time they got to him. Kind of a crispy critter priest. He could come back and haunt Jimmy and make him get caught.
All kidding aside, I really did think you wrote a good story. I really do believe what I said about your writing ability. It is such a special gift that GOD has blessed you with. I think you need to dedicate your gift to HIM and use it to glorify HIM not HIS/our enemy. IF you sincerely do that I am positive HE will bless you because of it. Hence, your writing can do nothing but improve by leaps and bounds. It also becomes a major witness to both Christians and non Christians alike on this site because it would be a irrefutable change.
Semper Fi Marine,

reply by kriver on 03-Jun-2015

Hi Dean,
lol The priest got an unexpected burning preview of his possible eternity? He learned the literal meaning of getting a real hotfoot, being hot under the collar, what it is really like to roast, going up or down in flames as the case may be,and having that deep burning sensation all at the same time. I sorta think he'd be a little over done by the time they got to him. Kind of a crispy critter priest. He could come back and haunt Jimmy and make him get caught.
All kidding aside, I really did think you wrote a good story. I really do believe what I said about your writing ability. It is such a special gift that GOD has blessed you with. I think you need to dedicate your gift to HIM and use it to glorify HIM not HIS/our enemy. IF you sincerely do that I am positive HE will bless you because of it. Hence, your writing can do nothing but improve by leaps and bounds. It also becomes a major witness to both Christians and non Christians alike on this site because it would be a irrefutable change.
Semper Fi Marine,

Comment from robina1978

Excellent

The photo is really fabulous, and complements your story very well. It is indeed an original short horror story. Jimmy goes to confession after three years of absence. The priest asks him why. He says he is a sinner. He explains the priest has sex with his wife. It must be the same priest, he can now choose between bullet and fire. Many congratulations on your win.

 Comment Written 02-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015

Thank you very much, and have a lovely rest of the week. ~Dean

Comment from visionary1234

Excellent

Bravo on your win Dean - love your telling of the story totally in dialogue. The only 'stop' was the "Shoot or burn" line, which would have been clearer if it had been "Be shot, or burn." (I had to go back and read it twice to 'get' it)
Well done though!
:)S

 Comment Written 02-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015

Yeah, I've had a couple of people mention that, Sharyn. But my implication was that Jimmy was leaving the priest the gun so he could either shoot himself, or burn to death. "Shoot, or burn, [priest]. It's your choice."The same as someone saying, "sink, or swim". Of course, he really left the adulterous priest no choice at all because Jimmy took the bullets with him. He handed the priest an empty gun.
Hopefully that made sense. I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me about the story. And thanks very much for reading. :)
~Dean

Comment from judester

Excellent

Congrats Dean, I figured this was you. You have a way of planting an image in our minds, then we run with it ....or away from it. Bravo, I love your style, cheers judester

 Comment Written 02-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015

Thanks for reading, judester, and for your kind comments as well. I sincerely appreciate it. :)
~Dean

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Oh man, one can only imagine what Jimmy is going to do to his wife. Pity he didn't pull off his act of vengeance elsewhere so the whole church didn't have to burn down. Mind you very cool allusion to the black smoke when a pope dies. Must be Catholic?

I guess only the author knows.

Interesting, story dear Dean. Why do you hand count your words?

Gloria

 Comment Written 02-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015

Hello, Gloria. Thanks for reviewing this twisted terror tale. I'm glad you got a kick out of reading it. As far as what Jimmy does to his wife, well...dead men (and women) tell no tales. So it's my guess he's already offed her and buried her in a wooded area. You know, just in case she decided tell her priest beau that Jimmy be be suspicious. Chances are he's got a taste for doing this sot of thing now, and who knows when he'll quit? Maybe he will pop up in another same such tale down the road.
As for the reasons why I hand count my words, the FanStory editors count is unreliable. It tells me that this story has 103 words, for example. Also, that faceless entity here known only as (cue the drum roll please!)...The FanStory Competition Committee, once disqualified me from a contest stating my 100 word story had 102 words, which it did. But the editor said it was only 100. They told me it was best to physically count the words before entering such contests, so that's what I do. You know, just to be on the safe side. :)

Thanks again for reading. I really appreciate your comments. ~Dean

reply by Gloria .... on 02-Jun-2015

Ha, you must have a lot fingers to be able to count to a hundred by hand. Still you'd think there'd be a five word leeway just for software that counts differently.

Oh well how you can tell I'm not on the Compliance Committee. And, I won't be counting my stories' words by hand so I might just be SOL.

reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015

Ha, ha. You can tell I hold the esteemed "Committee" in the highest regard.

;|

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

ummm. don't know what to think of the story line - definitely creative. the story is well written - no spag. good luck.
teresa

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

What don't you understand, "t"? The priest was banging Jimmy's wife, and he also knew who Jimmy was as soon as he walked in and sat down opposite him in the confessional booth. Perhaps he'd seen photos of Jimmy and his wife on his night stand near the couple's bed, who can say for sure? Jimmy also knew the adulterous priest would opt to shoot himself rather than burn to death. But he really wasn't given any choice as Jimmy had taken the bullets along with him. Imagine the priests face as the flames started licking at his flesh, only to pull the trigger and hear...**click**...

Yummy! ;}

Thanks for reading...

reply by TAB_that's me on 01-Jun-2015

Ok, I get it, sorry. I totally didn't get that it was the priest banging Jimmy's wife. Late - time to go to bed:)

reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Yep, that's the reason he "gulped" before he told Jimmy, "All's forgiven." I suspect he knew that Jimmy knew full well what he'd been up to, so to speak, heh-heh...
Thanks again, "t". I do appreciate your comments.

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

Wow, what a grim tale. Guilty priest gets to choose how he's going to perish, and he picked the most agonizing one, IMO. Well done, author - this is a great story in such few words. (Holy Smoke indeed! or maybe not so Holy...LOL)

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Ha-ha, thanks, Dawn. I'd wager Jimmy knew the adulterous priest would opt to shoot himself rather than burn to death. But he really wasn't given any choice as Jimmy had taken the bullets with him. Imagine the priests face as the flames started licking at his flesh, only to pull the trigger and hear...**click**...
Thanks again for your read & review. I do appreciate it.

reply by Dawn Munro on 01-Jun-2015

Yup, Jimmy sure was a vengeful son-of-a-gun...LOL...he could have at LEAST given the poor priest the mercy of the gun...

reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

What fun would there be in that? :}

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

OMG, I would be shocked...but stranger things have happened...very well written...and you got the title from the best...Tony....Luff Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Yep, I sure did, Luff. He was gracious enough to lend his advice on the title, and the story was titled "Unforgiven" initially. I thought Tony might be right -- the title might help lighten the mood of the tale just a bit, so I ran with it.
Thanks so much for taking time out to review and comment on the tale. I sincerely appreciate your great feedback.

reply by l.raven on 03-Jun-2015

you are so welcome Dean...always...Luff Linda xxoo

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Yes, you did tell a story in 100 words. I like the dialogue that carries the story. I like the format you chose. Good job in handling the prompt. I see no changes. Good job. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Thanks, jannypan. I appreciate your comments.

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Blame the priest, Blame the priest, to paraphrase Pazuzu in Blatty's masterpiece.
My pal says the sex life of a priest is supposed to be nun. Er, None. Not bad for 100 words.

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015

Heh-heh, yeah, "supposed" to be nun is correct, Red. I guess this guy didn't take his vows of celibacy too seriously. Now, he's really hot under the collar because of it.
Thanks a million for the review.