Scenes
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Links"Pons and Ned meet at different locations
8 total reviews
Comment from Goober
I had to smile there at the end. Nice. Liked it overall.
I think maybe having more commas, in a speaking part, for the pauses.
I found it very fun, and even giggled a little bit there.
I even read it twice, to get the nuances with the names, and different styles of speech
Thank you for the laugh
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
  |
I had to smile there at the end. Nice. Liked it overall.
I think maybe having more commas, in a speaking part, for the pauses.
I found it very fun, and even giggled a little bit there.
I even read it twice, to get the nuances with the names, and different styles of speech
Thank you for the laugh
Comment Written 02-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
-
Thank you, Goober, for giving it a look. Bill
Comment from Axiom Gray
Very clever, Mr. Schott. Your characters' names and the diction you've used for their dialogue all blend together to create characters the audience is confident in calling idiots. Thanks for sharing this piece!
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
|
Very clever, Mr. Schott. Your characters' names and the diction you've used for their dialogue all blend together to create characters the audience is confident in calling idiots. Thanks for sharing this piece!
Comment Written 01-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
-
Thank you, Sir. I had hoped their intellect would be obvious.
Comment from emkoutny
Pretty damn funny! I like that you start in the middle of the story and leave somethings open for the reader to figure out. The whole thing is a set up for the fabulous last line.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
|
Pretty damn funny! I like that you start in the middle of the story and leave somethings open for the reader to figure out. The whole thing is a set up for the fabulous last line.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
-
Thank you for the kind review. Bill
Comment from robina1978
I don't know the first thing about scripts. But yours seems to be quite good. They are looking for a link but can't agree who this is, so they phone an American cousin.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
|
I don't know the first thing about scripts. But yours seems to be quite good. They are looking for a link but can't agree who this is, so they phone an American cousin.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
-
The confusion is understandable as it isn't a very good post, Ine. I appreciate the excellent rating, but this one needs more work. Bill
Comment from Gloria ....
Okay, Bill, I have a question right off the bat. What is a trouble light? I suppose I could have Googled, but I'm going to bother you instead. ;-)
Man, that is a bland room -- it creates the mood alright.
Ha, Einkenstein. so is this the missing link?
Very neat play on all the different kinds of links. I'd rather be the missing link than the weakest link.
Great job with your short script.
Gloria
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
|
Okay, Bill, I have a question right off the bat. What is a trouble light? I suppose I could have Googled, but I'm going to bother you instead. ;-)
Man, that is a bland room -- it creates the mood alright.
Ha, Einkenstein. so is this the missing link?
Very neat play on all the different kinds of links. I'd rather be the missing link than the weakest link.
Great job with your short script.
Gloria
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
-
I know I shouldn't try to slide quickies in without a lot of thought. A trouble light is a bulb with a protective wire basket around it at the end of an extension cord. A mechanic typically uses one under the hood of a car. Einkenstein is a mix of Albert Einstein and Frankenstein by someone who doesn't know either. This piece was probably pushed out of the crib too early. Thank you for reviewing it, Gloria. Bill
Comment from Jay Squires
Hey, Bill. Afraid I don't know what the purpose of this is. It's kinda funny in it's word-play, but it doesn't go anywhere. No plot, no protagonist or antagonist.
Only one SPAG.
POESY: Well --- Jip is a weak link. [Never use three dashes. Only two and no space before or after]
I've read too much of your stuff to have to sugar-coat it, but I can't say anything too positive about it either.
Sorry, Bill.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
|
Hey, Bill. Afraid I don't know what the purpose of this is. It's kinda funny in it's word-play, but it doesn't go anywhere. No plot, no protagonist or antagonist.
Only one SPAG.
POESY: Well --- Jip is a weak link. [Never use three dashes. Only two and no space before or after]
I've read too much of your stuff to have to sugar-coat it, but I can't say anything too positive about it either.
Sorry, Bill.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
-
Thank you for your honesty, Jay. This one was let out with little oversight so it lacks a few essentials. It lacks a purpose, a plot, and the few words it would take to turn pulp into something worth reading. Appreciate the review. Bill
-
It is comforting to know we can drop our guards and say what we feel needs to be said here.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I liked your script but it was kind of short. I didn't get much of their conversation. I had to read it twice.
The font is too small, I know we already cover this but I am just saying.
You developed the characters well. I can see them in my mind and the way they talk to eachother with accents and I imagine them big and burly. Maybe they have a New York accent, or The Bronx, they may look like gansters. Anyway, it may just be me but I can easily visualize the scene and the characters. Good job.
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
|
I liked your script but it was kind of short. I didn't get much of their conversation. I had to read it twice.
The font is too small, I know we already cover this but I am just saying.
You developed the characters well. I can see them in my mind and the way they talk to eachother with accents and I imagine them big and burly. Maybe they have a New York accent, or The Bronx, they may look like gansters. Anyway, it may just be me but I can easily visualize the scene and the characters. Good job.
Comment Written 30-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
-
Thank you, GBR, FOR REVIEWING. I'll take another look at the font size.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hah-ha! And I'll bet 'cha ten-to-one odds that Jip is just about stupid enough to do what Mutt's asked him to do. Neither one of these delightful fellows seems to be the brightest bulb in the lighthouse. Thank God Mariners don't have to rely on them as often for navigation any longer.
Just sayin... ;)
~Dean
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
|
Hah-ha! And I'll bet 'cha ten-to-one odds that Jip is just about stupid enough to do what Mutt's asked him to do. Neither one of these delightful fellows seems to be the brightest bulb in the lighthouse. Thank God Mariners don't have to rely on them as often for navigation any longer.
Just sayin... ;)
~Dean
Comment Written 30-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
-
Thank you, Dean, for the excellent review. Yes, their bulbs are a bit dim.
-
So it would seem.
