Reviews from

A New Beginning

Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Igor Is Found Out"
The girls leave their chat line days behind.

20 total reviews 
Comment from Pam (respa)
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

-A very good, interesting, and well written chapter.
-The characterization of Laura and Igor is very good.
-The way that Laura is thinking through her situation after she wakes up is effective.
The reader can sense her dilemmas and ways to solve them.
-When Igor is talking to Nadzia, Laura's reactions are priceless. I don't know if she would want a mouse there either!
-A couple of things to look at:
* When she at last recognised (recognized)
* Laura could only assume she only tried it because (repetition of only)



 Comment Written 29-May-2015


reply by the author on 31-May-2015
    Thank you for picking up on the second only. I have now deleted it. Recognised is the UK spelling, although I think the US way is better! Just another of those differences across the pond. Thank you so much for your review and encouragement. Both are really appreciated. Alexis x
reply by Pam (respa) on 31-May-2015
    You are welcome for the review. I appreciate your pointing out one of the differences in the UK and US spelling.
Comment from Walu Feral
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

G'day Alexis, well I would just leave him there like a kind of "Polish Sausage Dog." Plus having a bit of mouse nookie with his grilfriend is not going to hurt much, well maybe it'll hurt the mouse LOL. Great chapter mate, it's moving along nicely. Cheers Fez

 Comment Written 29-May-2015


reply by the author on 31-May-2015
    Lol! I love your reviews, Fez. I can always depend on you to make me smile. Alexis xxx
Comment from Joy Graham
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I just saw your author notes and learned that Nadzia is a mouse lol! Thought she was a human girlfriend. How interesting that Igor has been sleeping in the hotel and that nobody knew. I guess I keep reading to find out more. No errors of note this time.

 Comment Written 28-May-2015


reply by the author on 31-May-2015
    Yes, Nazdia is indeed a mouse. Just another little twist in the world of the Bedford! Alexis x
Comment from Annette Gulliver
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Igor's girlfriend is a pregnant mouse! What a good little twist to your story. I hope Igor finds a place to live in before Nadzia gives birth to a mice plague in the restaurant.

Annette

 Comment Written 28-May-2015


reply by the author on 29-May-2015
    Me too! I must get him to buy her a cage before she has those babies! Alexis x
Comment from Spitfire
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

LOL. How smart of you to put a mouse in the story. Did you plot before hand that it would be mistaken for a lover? I can picture Laura hauling that mattress back and forth!
What a fun turn.

 Comment Written 28-May-2015


reply by the author on 29-May-2015
    I wish I could claim credit for a plot here, but since I introduced Nazdia a few chapters back, I've been wondering what to do with her. Turning her into his 'girlfriend' just came to me as I started this chapter. Alexis x
Comment from MelB
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

That's funny that Laura thinks Igor is seeing his girlfriend in the restaurant. When she finds out it is a mouse, she will lose it. I knew she would come through for him and try to help him out of his dilemma. She has a generous heart.

 Comment Written 27-May-2015


reply by the author on 29-May-2015
    Yes, I think I'll have to find a cage for Nadzia when Igor moves out of the Dry store! Alexis x
Comment from Cindy Warren
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

It's a good thing Laura has a kind heart. I wonder how she will feel when she finds out Nadzia is a mouse. And what will Igor do when he realizes Laura knows he was sleeping in the closet? Can't wait to find out.

 Comment Written 27-May-2015


reply by the author on 29-May-2015
    Hopefully I can keep the fact that he's been sleeping there full time under wraps. Laura might have to fire him if that came out, and I don't want to lose his character because everyone seems to like him so much! Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Very nice chapter!

Having negotiated the entry to the kitchen quite easily because of the well-oiled swing door, Laura put the mattress up against the outer wall of the dry store so she could open the door before taking it in there, but her outstretched hand, which had just made contact with the door handle, dropped when she heard Igor's voice on the other side.

--This has a lot of telling. Let's try to show it more. Paint a picture.: Laura grunted as she dragged the mattress through the well oiled swinging doors. She leaned it up against the outer wall of the dry store to negotiate the door. Just as her hand made contact with the door handle, she heard Igor's voice coming from the other side.

Just an idea. Keep up the good work.



 Comment Written 27-May-2015


reply by the author on 29-May-2015
    Another great suggestion, my friend. I shall have another look at it. Thank you! Alexis x
Comment from Curly Girly
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Igor's sleeping plans have been discovered. Now Laura thinks that he might leave the hotel job. She is worried with the Polish evening coming up. I reckon she will find a good place for him to stay.

 Comment Written 27-May-2015


reply by the author on 29-May-2015
    He's not been found out completely. Laura assumes he meets up with his 'girlfriend' there from time to time when she hears him talking to Nazdia. I think if she or the others actually found out he'd been sleeping there every night they would have to sack him, so I thought I'd better find another way to deal with the problem. I just hope Nadzia doesn't give birth before I can relocate him! Alexis x
Comment from Ric Myworld
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a great example of how most of us take minute bits of information and jump to premature conclusions. In this case, however, it might workout best for Igor and Nadzia. Then, what's going to happen when Laura falls for Igor and thinks he already has someone else? Oh, there I go, jumping to foolish and unwarranted conclusions. It's so easy to do. Great job. :-)

 Comment Written 27-May-2015


reply by the author on 28-May-2015
    When I started this book, I had Igor marked in purely for comic relief, which is why I didn't describe him physically, apart fro making reference to his little pot belly when he went swimming, and the fact that his puny frame wasn't strong enough to fight off his randy step cousin. Now I've had him at the gym for six weeks, I'm beginning to wonder who should get him in the end. There's always Patsy! The good news is, this book is writing itself, so hopefully I'll be the first to know. Alexis x
reply by Ric Myworld on 28-May-2015
    LOL. Those books that write themselves are the best kind. Who wouldn't have to like a man who wants to take care of a little-mama mouse. The fatherly type. :-)