Destiny's Angel
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Strange Company"A fantasy novel set in modern day Baltimore
9 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Interesting game being played here. Easy to follow story line. Smooth flowing action Descriptively well written and holds reader's interest throughout.
reply by the author on 23-May-2015
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Interesting game being played here. Easy to follow story line. Smooth flowing action Descriptively well written and holds reader's interest throughout.
Comment Written 23-May-2015
reply by the author on 23-May-2015
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Thank you, Brett. I know I posted it right on the heels of the last chapter, but it was originally all one chapter and I felt it was too long as one piece. Thanks for taking the time to review,
Rhonda
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Rhonda, this is another great chapter mate. Very well written albeit scary. It sounds to me like she is about to get closer to the source of the stolen package, oops!....I'm 6,000 years behind again but I'll try and catch up soon. Well done my friend....
One little suggestion...
"she desired to tell the police officers in the front(office) what had happened to Sarah"
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 23-May-2015
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G'day Rhonda, this is another great chapter mate. Very well written albeit scary. It sounds to me like she is about to get closer to the source of the stolen package, oops!....I'm 6,000 years behind again but I'll try and catch up soon. Well done my friend....
One little suggestion...
"she desired to tell the police officers in the front(office) what had happened to Sarah"
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 23-May-2015
reply by the author on 23-May-2015
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Thank you, again, for the sweet review and for help with the typos. They can be a pest, and so easy to overlook. I understand way behind, I am, too! Hope you are thinking on our new poem theme, although don't rush!
Rhonda
Comment from boxergirl
When the lines of reality we're blurred, I thought that's how I felt at the end of last period. Lol
Great job with descriptive details but I would like to see more showing instead of telling on some parts. For ex. , As she reached for the long metal handle on the door, Cadence took a deep breath and paused. "This is crazy, but here goes," she mumbled under her breath as she pushed it open.
Just an example but it is good this way too! 8-)
reply by the author on 22-May-2015
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When the lines of reality we're blurred, I thought that's how I felt at the end of last period. Lol
Great job with descriptive details but I would like to see more showing instead of telling on some parts. For ex. , As she reached for the long metal handle on the door, Cadence took a deep breath and paused. "This is crazy, but here goes," she mumbled under her breath as she pushed it open.
Just an example but it is good this way too! 8-)
Comment Written 22-May-2015
reply by the author on 22-May-2015
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Good idea, and one someone else brought up, too. I'm about to post another chapter, and I've tried to incorporate more of that idea. Thanks so much,
Rhonda
Comment from MelB
A very imaginative and creative chapter. I think Cadence has finally figured out who she is dealing with, but it may be too late to get away now. I look forward to reading where you go next with this.
reply by the author on 22-May-2015
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A very imaginative and creative chapter. I think Cadence has finally figured out who she is dealing with, but it may be too late to get away now. I look forward to reading where you go next with this.
Comment Written 22-May-2015
reply by the author on 22-May-2015
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Thank you so much for keeping up with my story, and for your great review and comments. You're right, no way out but through at this point. I have another chapter ready to go pretty quickly. thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 11 of the book Destiny's Angel Cadence meets two very creepy brothers. "Strange Company" An eerie and gripping experience for Cadence to be placed in such an awkward situation. Well done.
There were very few rooms (in) that direction,
distinct sound of a (lock) [bolt] slipping in place.
reply by the author on 21-May-2015
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Chapter 11 of the book Destiny's Angel Cadence meets two very creepy brothers. "Strange Company" An eerie and gripping experience for Cadence to be placed in such an awkward situation. Well done.
There were very few rooms (in) that direction,
distinct sound of a (lock) [bolt] slipping in place.
Comment Written 21-May-2015
reply by the author on 21-May-2015
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Okay, thanks for the pointers. It's amazing how many little things you miss even when you've read it 20 times. It's so nice having more eyes than mine watching out. Thanks again
Rhonda
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Funny you should say that, because that is really the last thing I like to do is to point out a few typo's or spag which is always just an accident. As writers we have to create these mistakes, Rhonda, otherwise what are editors for? Kind regards. Chasennov.
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That is so funny! Good way to look at it. Job security for he editors!
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Thought you'd like it, Rhonda.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This is very imaginative. I love the pace you are using in your chapters. I could see the vision. This all came alive in my head. Very creative and well written.
reply by the author on 21-May-2015
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This is very imaginative. I love the pace you are using in your chapters. I could see the vision. This all came alive in my head. Very creative and well written.
Comment Written 21-May-2015
reply by the author on 21-May-2015
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Thank you so much, Michael! I appreciate you following the story. I am trying to work on incorporating the things I have learned on this site to a novella. Now after working on poetry, I could add a poem or two. Just kidding! Thanks for your review,
Rhonda
Comment from amahra
This was a very compiling chapter. I'm really loving this story. Not too much dialogue [love dialogue] but good well written narration.
The voice called out to Cadence again, soft, silky and enticing, [loved this line; very descriptive.] Great job, my dear.
reply by the author on 21-May-2015
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This was a very compiling chapter. I'm really loving this story. Not too much dialogue [love dialogue] but good well written narration.
The voice called out to Cadence again, soft, silky and enticing, [loved this line; very descriptive.] Great job, my dear.
Comment Written 21-May-2015
reply by the author on 21-May-2015
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Wow, thank you so much for the great 6 star review!!! What a wonderful surprise. I will work on the dialogue, thanks for pointing that out! Next chapter will have much more talk, and less telling! Thanks for following!
Rhonda
Comment from royowen
You've built some great tension here Rhonda. You've managed to weave in some real verbal seduction in this well written episode, the luring of this very attractive surreal experience into Cadence's mind and reminds of the the scripture where God warns about Satan coming as an "angel of light" and I'll bet the ugly stranger is the real friend. Well done, a really good episode Rhonda, most enjoyable, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 21-May-2015
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You've built some great tension here Rhonda. You've managed to weave in some real verbal seduction in this well written episode, the luring of this very attractive surreal experience into Cadence's mind and reminds of the the scripture where God warns about Satan coming as an "angel of light" and I'll bet the ugly stranger is the real friend. Well done, a really good episode Rhonda, most enjoyable, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 21-May-2015
reply by the author on 21-May-2015
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Thank you so much, Roy. I actually cut it off mid chapter because it was getting too long. People don't like reading long passages, but this seemed a good stopping point. Thanks for the detailed review, it really helps
Rhonda
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I think it would have been OK. this was a good one. Roy
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Thanks so much. One thing I've learned from this site is to pay more attention to details, and leave out a lot of the "fluff" that I would often add. I am so glad I found it!
Comment from samuelsmartie
This was an interesting story. I found the ideas very unique and different and enjoyed reading all the descriptive words. Keep up the writing!
reply by the author on 21-May-2015
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This was an interesting story. I found the ideas very unique and different and enjoyed reading all the descriptive words. Keep up the writing!
Comment Written 21-May-2015
reply by the author on 21-May-2015
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Thank you so much for the comments. Did you intend to award 3 stars? I was wondering because you didn't say what I need to do to improve it. A few times I have accidently given lower stars when on my cell phone. If you intended it, okay, but just wondering. Thanks
Rhonda
