Comment from JasmineNikki

Excellent

A really gripping story and the twist at the end was entertaining.
The dialogue between the two characters was believable as well.
The mention of Gracie's smile looking suspicious of sorts was a good indicator that something as up!
Great work.

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 19-May-2015

Thank you very much, Jasmine. I appreciate you reading my story, and I'm very grateful for your comments.
~Dean

Comment from Zinnia48

Exceptional

This was terrific--I loved the twists and turns. If you lived in St Louis I would be very reluctant to meet you for coffee! Each character has a strong individual personality and voice, and the dialogue was snappy. Great read! Caroline

PS Where did you find that picture of my alternate personality? I thought I'd shredded those years ago! Caroline

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 19-May-2015

Well, Caroline, Ohio's not too far from St. Louis. In fact, we used to make a trip to go through a couple of your famous haunted attractions there every Halloween. Darkness, on 1525 South 8th Street, and Creepy World, at 1400 S. Old Highway 141 in Fenton. it's been a few years since we did that though, with gas prices what they are now.
Anyhow, thank you very much for reading this rather lengthy terror tale, and for gracing me with your analysis and six star rating. I'm pleased that you liked the dark humor woven into this. Thanks again! ~Dean

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

And why not? LOL
The competition does get heated toward the end of the year here on FanStory.

Your characters are perfect. He underestimated her. Great dialogue.

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 20-May-2015

Hah, thanks for taking time out to read this rather lengthy post, Ellen. As always, I appreciate your kind comments. :)
~Dean

Comment from rod007

Excellent

Another great horror story. This one had the tongue and cheek humor in the brilliant writing style you've successfully developed. My dear, Dean, I did know from the time Bruce popped the arsenic in her coffee that he'd end getting poisoned. I suppose I knew that as I'm always trying different ways to creat twists and turns. Now what would have been truly unique was if somehow the reader believed Bruce had been poisoned but he'd done a turn on her and she ended up dead. Well done, Dean for a great masterpiece.

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 20-May-2015

Thank you for reading this rather lengthy story, Rod. As a horror aficionado yourself, I really value your opinion.

I did have the story playing out the way you've mentioned initially. However, I felt people would come to expect it...that"twist". It read too predictably as well. So... I rewrote it, setting out to try and leave people guessing, right up to the climactic ending, as to who, exactly, was poisoned. Hopefully I was able to pull it off.

Thanks again for your comments, my fellow horror fiend. Much obliged! :)
~Dean

Comment from baustian64

Excellent

I love it. It is so different. And when you think about very funny. Every other week I have a writers group here in my home. I am going to print this off and read it to every one after I pour their coffee. lol

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 19-May-2015

Hah-ha! I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that sitting, heh-heh... Thanks for reading and weighing in on this rather lengthy story for me, I truly appreciate your comments. Oh, and tell your writers group Dean says Hey! ;)
~Dean

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Dean...

HUH! You know what they say how it's a cold, hard world at the top. These two could have been a writing team made in 'Devil's Heaven! LOL

All men should heed a lady with red lipstick, her index finger held to said red lips, and shushing him. It will NEVER end well. (*<*) Just sayin'.

Great story. Good luck.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 20-May-2015

Well, I can think of just one occasion where it worked out really great for me, Jax, but we won't go into that here, LOL. Mixed company, you understand.
As always thanks for reading! ~Dean

reply by Jacqueline M Franklin on 20-May-2015

LOL!!! You devil! (*>*)

reply by the author on 20-May-2015

So I've been told -- on more than one occasion, heh-heh... :)

Comment from boxergirl

Excellent

What goes around - comes around - as the old saying goes. Bruce certainly got what was coming to him and all in the name of being number one on the block. I am sure glad that I won't ever have to worry about this scenario. lol

I only wonder now how far will Grace go to stay at No. 1 - writers beware!!

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 20-May-2015

Heck, I won't ever have to worry about it either, Karen. I don't have enough funny money (or the "real stuff") to promote my writing high enough to be numero uno. Grace will be a vicious beast, I imagine. If she could do that, just imagine what she could do to you in a review! The implications are mind boggling, lol...
Thanks very much for reading. I appreciate your comments. ~Dean

Comment from Tomes Johnston

Excellent

This us indeed very film noir and you are showing your dexterity as a writer once again. This is a different genre and topic Tha I am used to from you, but it is the same high quality. Well done.

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 20-May-2015

Thanks, Tomes. I wanted to shy away from blood, guts & gore as much as possible in this story. Hopefully, it's still horrific enough to put on a good showing in the upcoming competition. As always, thanks for reading and commenting on my work. ~Dean

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Do I know some of these people and sites by other names? Is this truth disguised as fiction? Just kidding. Was it longer than optimum? Jury is still out. Excellent writing, at any rate. Wow. I never read the prompt. Strike the remark about the length.

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 19-May-2015

Well, it just very well might be, Red... true, I mean (I'm only kidding too, of course...ahem.). As far as the length, it comes in at 3,296 words, far below the recommended 7,000 word max and 3,500 recommended maximum word count for this particular contest.
That being said, I appreciate your feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. At least, I think you did, lol...

~Dean

Comment from Shirley McLain

Exceptional

An excellent story full of action and intrigue, which kept the story moving and me reading. Your characters were strong and the dialogue appropriate. You ended it with the horror of knowing what was going to be happening next. Great job.

 Comment Written 19-May-2015

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reply by the author on 20-May-2015

Thanks a million, Okiegal. I did try to abstain from the gorier aspects of the genre, and concentrate more on character development. Hopefully that translates well to anyone who cares enough to take the time to review it.
I'm very grateful for your generous rating and exceptional comments. As always, I greatly appreciate it! :}
~Dean