A New Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Introducing Patsy"The girls leave their chat line days behind.
20 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
I LOVE PATSY!! I AM Patsy. :-)
We aren't nuts, just delightfully daffy and eccentric. We make 'normal' people appear quite boring!
What's in the suitcase??
You could've named her Sue. My invisible friend's name is Tito Fuentes. :-)
I can tell I'm going to enjoy Patsy's stay at the Bedford.
And I'm SO glad Karen dumped the booze.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
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I LOVE PATSY!! I AM Patsy. :-)
We aren't nuts, just delightfully daffy and eccentric. We make 'normal' people appear quite boring!
What's in the suitcase??
You could've named her Sue. My invisible friend's name is Tito Fuentes. :-)
I can tell I'm going to enjoy Patsy's stay at the Bedford.
And I'm SO glad Karen dumped the booze.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
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Nah, you're far too internet savvy to be like Patsy. Having said that, once she discovers the internet, she becomes a bit of an expert! Alexis xxx
Comment from scongrove
Another great chapter Alexis! Well, looks like Karen is starting to accept Igor. I have one question about Igor. Is he attractive or average? I don't remember what you may have wrote about his appearance. That helps me when I read about the character. For some reason, I have an overweight man in my head when it comes to his character. I guess he will have more hours to work now. He was fast on his feet with that. :)
So, we have a new character named Patsy. Starting to get more interesting. I'm really excited to read more. :)
Shana :)
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Another great chapter Alexis! Well, looks like Karen is starting to accept Igor. I have one question about Igor. Is he attractive or average? I don't remember what you may have wrote about his appearance. That helps me when I read about the character. For some reason, I have an overweight man in my head when it comes to his character. I guess he will have more hours to work now. He was fast on his feet with that. :)
So, we have a new character named Patsy. Starting to get more interesting. I'm really excited to read more. :)
Shana :)
Comment Written 17-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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In my head he looks like Tom Hanks because a lot of his character has been inspired by the part he played in 'The Terminal' a film about a guy who gets stranded in an airport for months when the fictitious Baltic country he come from was going through problems that invalidated his passport. I think I'll have him join a gym and get super fit, find him a girl, then get you to write a great sex scene! Thank you again Shana, for the wonderful six and the your great review. Alexis xxx
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Thanks for letting me know about Igor. That sure helps when I read about his character. :)
Thanks for having such faith in my writing & for all your help. I learn so much from you.
I wanted to tell you, I read your last chapter & I don't know what to do. I am out of six stars at the moment & this chapter (as always) deserves a six. I don't want to rate you lower than what I think this chapter is.
I really felt so sorry for Patsy. I'm glad she has Laura to lean on for support. This is a super chapter that flowed from the last one. I think I will wait to rate it, because it would feel wrong to rate you any lower than six. I just can't do that to you when your writing inspires me every time I read them. Super chapter Alexis!
Shana :)
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Alexis. This is magic stuff mate. You have introduced some really cool new characters into the mix and I'm glad to see that Karen has forgiven Igor. I don't think you liked my suggestion for his character? LOL. Bring it on my friend (sorry about being so far behind again.) Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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G'day Alexis. This is magic stuff mate. You have introduced some really cool new characters into the mix and I'm glad to see that Karen has forgiven Igor. I don't think you liked my suggestion for his character? LOL. Bring it on my friend (sorry about being so far behind again.) Cheers Fez
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Hi Fez! He's a real softy, as the chapter I posted yesterday will prove. Have you got any particularly good recipes for mouse stew? Alexis x
Comment from GWHARGIS
I love the communication skills of Igor. He had me cracking up. I love Patsy. She is like a character from a comedy. I look forward to reading more about her. Good imagery and descriptions. I like the meeting and the report between the group. Great job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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I love the communication skills of Igor. He had me cracking up. I love Patsy. She is like a character from a comedy. I look forward to reading more about her. Good imagery and descriptions. I like the meeting and the report between the group. Great job. Gretchen
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Patsy and Igor are what I call my larger than life characters! I'm so glad you're enjoying getting to know them. Alexis x
Comment from Green Lake Girl
I love how your write Igor's dialect. It's amusing and seems quite believable. Poor guy--he has nowhere to go.
So, now we have a nutty guest with a bladder problem and a super heavy suitcase. What could go wrong there? LOL
My only suggestion--the first paragraph drags a bit--a tad wordy. Tighten up the writing and offer a bit of a "punch" to continue the story.
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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I love how your write Igor's dialect. It's amusing and seems quite believable. Poor guy--he has nowhere to go.
So, now we have a nutty guest with a bladder problem and a super heavy suitcase. What could go wrong there? LOL
My only suggestion--the first paragraph drags a bit--a tad wordy. Tighten up the writing and offer a bit of a "punch" to continue the story.
Comment Written 14-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Everyone seems to like Igor. The fact that he's homeless because of his sex-starved step cousin, he gets my sympathy vote too! Great advice regarding the first paragraph. Thank you! Alexis x
Comment from Cindy Warren
Patsy seems like quite a character. I can't wait to find out what she's up to. After all, you have to give the girls and Igor some trouble. Patsy seems like someone who could provide it. Imagine if Igor's sex crazed cousin showed up. That could cause all sorts of havoc!
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Patsy seems like quite a character. I can't wait to find out what she's up to. After all, you have to give the girls and Igor some trouble. Patsy seems like someone who could provide it. Imagine if Igor's sex crazed cousin showed up. That could cause all sorts of havoc!
Comment Written 14-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Now there's a thought. Thank you for the great idea! Between Igor and Patsy, I think there are quite a few laughs on the way! Alexis x
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Action flows smoothly. Easy to follow story line, but by the time you read all the notes at the end you have forgotten what the story is about. Do believe I would cut down on them some.
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reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Action flows smoothly. Easy to follow story line, but by the time you read all the notes at the end you have forgotten what the story is about. Do believe I would cut down on them some.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Oops! I only added the list of characters at the request of another reviewer who suggested they might be useful to new readers, or regular readers who might have forgotten who's who. Sadly, I can't please everyone, and it would seem that I've lost a star as a result.
Alexis x
Comment from jpduck
Congratulations on the splendid cast of characters; you show great compassion for dotty old gits like me (of which, I suspect, FS has a plentiful supply).
I adored, 'I want be your freend, not your plonker.'
One typo (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
' It might be mostly single occupancy during the week because it's usually businessm*e*n'.
Adrian
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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Congratulations on the splendid cast of characters; you show great compassion for dotty old gits like me (of which, I suspect, FS has a plentiful supply).
I adored, 'I want be your freend, not your plonker.'
One typo (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
' It might be mostly single occupancy during the week because it's usually businessm*e*n'.
Adrian
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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Thank you for catching that, Adrian. I can always depend on you! As you now know, Patsy is quite a character! Alexis x
Comment from Janet7053
Pulled me in at the outset with the character interaction.
Authentic Polish sounding broken English.
Good transition hook at the end of this chapter to the next is your introduction of Ms. Patsy.
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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Pulled me in at the outset with the character interaction.
Authentic Polish sounding broken English.
Good transition hook at the end of this chapter to the next is your introduction of Ms. Patsy.
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I'm also delighted that you think the Polish English is authentic. We have a lot of Polish people here in Scotland and their English is excellent, but Igor has just arrived! Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
This is a great chapter! I love the humor with the lady guest at the end and can so relate. LOL Very well done.
I just have one thought. It felt like there was a lot of telling me the story rather than showing.
Maybe show me the surroundings. For example the new carpet in the lobby where the lady might have an accident. Give me more...i.e. With the thought of the beautiful new carpet foremost in her mind, : Try.... With the thought of that beautiful red plush carpet in her mind... etc. Paint a more rounded picture.
Maybe describe the guest a little more. I like the hair description. Show me what she's wearing, what the suitcase looked like, etc. Just a thought.
Hope this helps. :-)
I look forward to reading more! Good job.
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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This is a great chapter! I love the humor with the lady guest at the end and can so relate. LOL Very well done.
I just have one thought. It felt like there was a lot of telling me the story rather than showing.
Maybe show me the surroundings. For example the new carpet in the lobby where the lady might have an accident. Give me more...i.e. With the thought of the beautiful new carpet foremost in her mind, : Try.... With the thought of that beautiful red plush carpet in her mind... etc. Paint a more rounded picture.
Maybe describe the guest a little more. I like the hair description. Show me what she's wearing, what the suitcase looked like, etc. Just a thought.
Hope this helps. :-)
I look forward to reading more! Good job.
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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Great suggestion. I always know I've rushed things when I forget to put in enough description. We now know what colour the carpet and Patsy's coal is, and I will try to work in a bit more when I'm editing. This is the kind of advice I need--thank you! Alexis xxx
