A New Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Monday Blues"The girls leave their chat line days behind.
22 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
WHAT is Karen thinking? This can lead to nothing but trouble.
I seriously have an issue with Jenny being so unkind to poor Jasper at night!
Oh, Jenny turned into 'Laura' in the first paragraph. Jasper probably did that to her!!!
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
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WHAT is Karen thinking? This can lead to nothing but trouble.
I seriously have an issue with Jenny being so unkind to poor Jasper at night!
Oh, Jenny turned into 'Laura' in the first paragraph. Jasper probably did that to her!!!
Comment Written 03-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2015
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I can't believe how many cat lovers told me off for this one. I'm a 'dog' person, so it was easy to write from that perspective. Having also experienced the same as Jenny with an 'ex' I know how frustrating it feels to be abandoned in the early hours for a cat! Alexis xxx
Comment from scongrove
I'm back! Great chapter! I missed your story! Didn't have access to the internet out in the beautiful country. I did enjoy myself & needed the downtime.
Looks like your chapter has a lot going on. I feel so sorry for Laura. Man, I can't imagine the pain of her loss. I truly still hope she can met someone. :)
Igor is really becoming a part of your story. I'm interested in knowing where his character goes in the story. I'm sure it's a matter of time before the girls find out about him.
I'm worried about Karen. I hope she doesn't start drinking again. She lost all that weight & now things may work out w/Mark. Drama! :) Looking forward to reading the other chapters!
Shana :)
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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I'm back! Great chapter! I missed your story! Didn't have access to the internet out in the beautiful country. I did enjoy myself & needed the downtime.
Looks like your chapter has a lot going on. I feel so sorry for Laura. Man, I can't imagine the pain of her loss. I truly still hope she can met someone. :)
Igor is really becoming a part of your story. I'm interested in knowing where his character goes in the story. I'm sure it's a matter of time before the girls find out about him.
I'm worried about Karen. I hope she doesn't start drinking again. She lost all that weight & now things may work out w/Mark. Drama! :) Looking forward to reading the other chapters!
Shana :)
Comment Written 17-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Welcome back! As you now know, Karen is fine. I just wanted new readers to get a glimpse of her past from LTD. Igor has been great fun to write about because of his language problems and quirky ways. My sincere thanks for the six, my friend. They always put a smile on my face! Alexis xxx
Comment from Cindy Warren
Oh-oh, I think Karen might be getting herself into trouble again. Something tells me it's going to be more than a small dash in her coffee. Igor should be OK after a paycheck or two, but I think he's in for some interesting adventures. And will poor Laura ever find another man?
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Oh-oh, I think Karen might be getting herself into trouble again. Something tells me it's going to be more than a small dash in her coffee. Igor should be OK after a paycheck or two, but I think he's in for some interesting adventures. And will poor Laura ever find another man?
Comment Written 14-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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As you now know, Karen pours the brandy down the sink. I just wanted new readers to get a taste of the Karen that put brandy in every cup of coffee she drank in the last book! My fingers are crossed for Laura, so here's hoping a man will come her way. Alexis x
Comment from Walu Feral
OOPS! G'day Alexis, great chapter mate full of mischeif, I like mischeif! I think she should steer away from that grog myself. Now onto that bloody cat! Maybe it could become siomai or dim sims, even steamed dumplings, although the meat is a kind of bluey color so maybe bluberry & pork pies LOL. Great work my friend, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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OOPS! G'day Alexis, great chapter mate full of mischeif, I like mischeif! I think she should steer away from that grog myself. Now onto that bloody cat! Maybe it could become siomai or dim sims, even steamed dumplings, although the meat is a kind of bluey color so maybe bluberry & pork pies LOL. Great work my friend, cheers Fez
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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You are so funny, Fez! I think I might be told off by the many cat lovers if I tried that one! Karen will be fine. I just thought I'd put a little reminder in about her past. Alexis xxx
Comment from Drew Delaney
but it least she could get a - at least
Don't touch. LOL That bottle needs to stay on the shelf. Trouble on the way, I propose. Nice chapter. Drew xx
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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but it least she could get a - at least
Don't touch. LOL That bottle needs to stay on the shelf. Trouble on the way, I propose. Nice chapter. Drew xx
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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Don't worry, Karen will be fine. I just wanted readers who didn't know about her problems in the last book to know that when she's bored, she's tempted! Alexis x
Comment from Ric Myworld
Never say no to the brandy. Although it might not cure your problems, make you any smarter, or improve your image, and could cause you to tack-on some extra blubber, it sure can keep you from giving a damn about any of the above. Thanks for another fine chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Never say no to the brandy. Although it might not cure your problems, make you any smarter, or improve your image, and could cause you to tack-on some extra blubber, it sure can keep you from giving a damn about any of the above. Thanks for another fine chapter. :-)
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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So true! It's funny the reactions you get from reviewers. No, no, no, everyone says. Don't let her get back into the brandy. But that's mostly reviewers who read my last book, where Karen was at least forty pounds heavier, and drank nearly a bottle a day--the reason her husband walked out on her. I'll keep her to the wine for now, but who knows? Thank you for your review, I really appreciate it. Alexis x
Comment from Curly Girly
I enjoyed reading this chapter. It looks as if the relationship with George has come to an end.
This sentence was slightly confusing:
The sex-mad, man-eater had made his first two weeks in the UK unbearable by sneaking into his room every night and pinning him to his bed with the agility of a Sumo wrestler.
I think you are talking about Marzina, a female here. However, when this sentence is read, it seemed as if it was about 2 men. I'm not sure how to re-arrange it. Did any other readers think the same?
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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I enjoyed reading this chapter. It looks as if the relationship with George has come to an end.
This sentence was slightly confusing:
The sex-mad, man-eater had made his first two weeks in the UK unbearable by sneaking into his room every night and pinning him to his bed with the agility of a Sumo wrestler.
I think you are talking about Marzina, a female here. However, when this sentence is read, it seemed as if it was about 2 men. I'm not sure how to re-arrange it. Did any other readers think the same?
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Not yet, but you make a good point. I shall look at it again. Thank you, Nicole. Your input means a lot. Alexis x
Comment from jpduck
Another good episode. I like the way you have divided it between the four main protagonists. That works.
But I do have a couple of problems. The book does seem to feel rather episodic; almost a series of short stories -- 'Scenes from the Life of a Hotel'. I think you need to introduce some external, ongoing drama. Perhaps you have just started that with Paul and Michelle. A parallel drama with them might be just right.
The other problem relates to the rather artificial circumstances of an FS novel, combined with a failing memory which I am certain I share with a good number of other fanstorians. The inevitable, unnatural intervals between chapters, combined with the fact that many of us are reading four or five different novels at any one time, point to the urgent need for a cast list with very brief descriptions. This could easily be put into Author Notes, and I would strongly urge you to do this.
Oh dear, I seem to be having a bit of a whinge today. Sorry about that.
One other suggestion:
'How it hadn't woken him as well defied belief' (You could say, 'She couldn't understand how it hadn't woken him' or you could say 'Sleeping through that row defied belief'. What you have done is mixed these two slightly different concepts together, and I don't think that works).
Adrian
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Another good episode. I like the way you have divided it between the four main protagonists. That works.
But I do have a couple of problems. The book does seem to feel rather episodic; almost a series of short stories -- 'Scenes from the Life of a Hotel'. I think you need to introduce some external, ongoing drama. Perhaps you have just started that with Paul and Michelle. A parallel drama with them might be just right.
The other problem relates to the rather artificial circumstances of an FS novel, combined with a failing memory which I am certain I share with a good number of other fanstorians. The inevitable, unnatural intervals between chapters, combined with the fact that many of us are reading four or five different novels at any one time, point to the urgent need for a cast list with very brief descriptions. This could easily be put into Author Notes, and I would strongly urge you to do this.
Oh dear, I seem to be having a bit of a whinge today. Sorry about that.
One other suggestion:
'How it hadn't woken him as well defied belief' (You could say, 'She couldn't understand how it hadn't woken him' or you could say 'Sleeping through that row defied belief'. What you have done is mixed these two slightly different concepts together, and I don't think that works).
Adrian
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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As you now know, I included a list of characters in yesterday's post, but lost a star from one reviewer today who insisted it made my author's notes far too long. You can't win!
I have also taken your advice on the defying belief idea, and I'm glad to say I've introduced 'Patsy,' an eccentric but lovable character who reacts well with all of the other characters. Her story is elaborated on in my next chapter.
Your reviews are a great help. Thank you!
Alexis x
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Karen, you silly woman, booze is never the answer and only makes things worse. Tsk, tsk. I hope the wedding happens. How cool would that be, making friends into FAMILY! :)
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Karen, you silly woman, booze is never the answer and only makes things worse. Tsk, tsk. I hope the wedding happens. How cool would that be, making friends into FAMILY! :)
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Don't worry, she sees sense in the end. I just wanted to show new readers a glimpse of Karen's past to bring them up to speed. I think everyone would be sorry to see Karen go back to her old ways. Good point about them becoming family through marriage. I hadn't that about that! Alexis x
Comment from Jay Squires
Excellent series of storylines developing in this novel, Alexis. Each character with his/her dramatic questions, problems, warts ... this has the makings of a fine novel.
Only a few comments, nothing major:
Laura decided to cheer herself [Just a suggestion: unless the use of the given name is essential to prevent character confusion, use the personal pronoun. It's been said (and I believe it) he/she/his/hers are really invisible words. The reader only uses them to identify the character WHILE moving on. To read the given name when it isn't necessary slows his momentum through the storyline. Just an observation.]
and a lasagne she'd made [and a lasagna.
You got me hooked.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Excellent series of storylines developing in this novel, Alexis. Each character with his/her dramatic questions, problems, warts ... this has the makings of a fine novel.
Only a few comments, nothing major:
Laura decided to cheer herself [Just a suggestion: unless the use of the given name is essential to prevent character confusion, use the personal pronoun. It's been said (and I believe it) he/she/his/hers are really invisible words. The reader only uses them to identify the character WHILE moving on. To read the given name when it isn't necessary slows his momentum through the storyline. Just an observation.]
and a lasagne she'd made [and a lasagna.
You got me hooked.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Thank you, Jay. A good suggestion re the 'she' versus 'Laura,' so I've changed it. 'Lasagne' is what we Brits call it, although the US version sounds better to me too. I'm glad you enjoyed this catch-up chapter. Now the fun begins! Alexis x
