Seeing Behind the Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Old Guy"A book of poems on people.
68 total reviews
Comment from alexisleech
I have very mixed feelings about this. It sounds as though this 'old' guy has been mentally written off already. Is it his lack of hair, his age spots, or the fact he's buying rings in a store?
Is this the way we should regard people over a certain age, especially if they have a disability? I hope not, because something like this is ahead for all of us, after the conceit of youth has flown.
Alexis x
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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I have very mixed feelings about this. It sounds as though this 'old' guy has been mentally written off already. Is it his lack of hair, his age spots, or the fact he's buying rings in a store?
Is this the way we should regard people over a certain age, especially if they have a disability? I hope not, because something like this is ahead for all of us, after the conceit of youth has flown.
Alexis x
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Most reviewers felt I was showing respect. I'm sorry you don't see that in this piece. The part about not looking long into his eyes - I can feel that his death is near. This is merely my observation of a person. thank you.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi You! Ah ya i saw him. I can hear the thud and drag of his legs and crutches as he stutteres his way down the ailse, the way he would lean a little at the Cash and the funny paper grey skin that seems to harold desth.
Good one,
padumachitta
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Hi You! Ah ya i saw him. I can hear the thud and drag of his legs and crutches as he stutteres his way down the ailse, the way he would lean a little at the Cash and the funny paper grey skin that seems to harold desth.
Good one,
padumachitta
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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lol - thanks so much:)
Comment from chasennov
free verse Seeing Behind the Eyes Old Guy.' It is very interesting to look at people and 'see' what other people cannot see. Being old is not easy, and then being so unwell is even worse. Well done.
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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free verse Seeing Behind the Eyes Old Guy.' It is very interesting to look at people and 'see' what other people cannot see. Being old is not easy, and then being so unwell is even worse. Well done.
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Thank you so much:)
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Treischel
He sounds like a sad old fellow and definitely on his last legs. Your free verse captures him well. Reminds me of an old dragon, seeking gold and shiny things to add to his hoard.
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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He sounds like a sad old fellow and definitely on his last legs. Your free verse captures him well. Reminds me of an old dragon, seeking gold and shiny things to add to his hoard.
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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thank you so much:)
Comment from Marn
I can almost picture him in the shop wich makes your poem so descriptive.Well told I really like the way this flows.Thanks for the memory.
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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I can almost picture him in the shop wich makes your poem so descriptive.Well told I really like the way this flows.Thanks for the memory.
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Thank you so much:)
Comment from Debbie Noland
An excellent physical description of this man and fascinating inferences drawn from that physical appearance. It is interesting how you begin objectively and end subjectively, with the man's having had an effect on you. I wonder if you need that last line. It seems a little flippant in light of the profound remark/observation that has come just before.
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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An excellent physical description of this man and fascinating inferences drawn from that physical appearance. It is interesting how you begin objectively and end subjectively, with the man's having had an effect on you. I wonder if you need that last line. It seems a little flippant in light of the profound remark/observation that has come just before.
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Thank you so much for the review and the suggestion. I always appreciate suggestions for making my poetry better whether I use them or not:)
Comment from Dom G Robles
I like the image you created in this poem. An old man in crutches seemingly in his 60's trying to buy wares. You described him as if he had a problem with his liver indicated by his yellowish hand. And then you the sympathy of death for the man. Your words are straightforward, keen and understandable. Thanks for sharing. and
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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I like the image you created in this poem. An old man in crutches seemingly in his 60's trying to buy wares. You described him as if he had a problem with his liver indicated by his yellowish hand. And then you the sympathy of death for the man. Your words are straightforward, keen and understandable. Thanks for sharing. and
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Thank you Dom:)
Comment from kiwigirl2821
It's good to think about people in our words and give them some measure of dignity even if they never know we did. I like the story in a poem you've written here. Well done. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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It's good to think about people in our words and give them some measure of dignity even if they never know we did. I like the story in a poem you've written here. Well done. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Thank you Kiwi:)
Comment from kiwijenny
I think the death of him is near...
Cool turn of phrase...I worked at vitamin shoppe and there was a Korean veteran this reminded me of
Well penned imagery
God bless
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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I think the death of him is near...
Cool turn of phrase...I worked at vitamin shoppe and there was a Korean veteran this reminded me of
Well penned imagery
God bless
Comment Written 06-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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thank you:)
Comment from BJ_Barnes
This is such a wonderful poem. It flows very well and is very descriptive. I can definitely see this man in my mind and the words you chose to describe him are wonderful and help create this picture. As a reader this conveys such sadness about how time marches on and our own mortality.
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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This is such a wonderful poem. It flows very well and is very descriptive. I can definitely see this man in my mind and the words you chose to describe him are wonderful and help create this picture. As a reader this conveys such sadness about how time marches on and our own mortality.
Comment Written 06-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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thanks:)
