A New Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The girls are back!"The girls leave their chat line days behind.
31 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
His cat, which had come between them since George brought it to her house, flexed its paws slowly while it blinked back at Jenny with the superior haughtiness a cat radiates so well. (As a cat owner, I never call any cat that I
know 'it'. Either he/she/him/her/cat's name. The three its in one sentence, I might change to possibly....
...brought 'Jasper' back to her house, flexed 'his' paws slowly while blinking back at Jenny with the duperior haughtiness...
Good chapter to refresh readers of where the ladies left off. I'm guessing there are so many story possibilities with the hotel setting. :-)
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2015
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His cat, which had come between them since George brought it to her house, flexed its paws slowly while it blinked back at Jenny with the superior haughtiness a cat radiates so well. (As a cat owner, I never call any cat that I
know 'it'. Either he/she/him/her/cat's name. The three its in one sentence, I might change to possibly....
...brought 'Jasper' back to her house, flexed 'his' paws slowly while blinking back at Jenny with the duperior haughtiness...
Good chapter to refresh readers of where the ladies left off. I'm guessing there are so many story possibilities with the hotel setting. :-)
Comment Written 03-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2015
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All good points, Sue. I didn't answer this review before because I wanted to go back to this chapter and rejig that paragraph before I did. Now sorted, and in cat lover's lingo. I think I've caught up! Alexis xxx
Comment from Cindy Warren
Ah, here I am catching up again. Too bad George turned out to be such a dud. Of course, my kitties get to snuggle with me every night, and it might not go over too well if some guy wanted to banish them from the bedroom. I can't wait to see how things develop with Karen and Mark. Hope he's learned a lesson.
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Ah, here I am catching up again. Too bad George turned out to be such a dud. Of course, my kitties get to snuggle with me every night, and it might not go over too well if some guy wanted to banish them from the bedroom. I can't wait to see how things develop with Karen and Mark. Hope he's learned a lesson.
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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It's lovely to see you here, Cindy. My late husband banished my King Charles spaniel from our bedroom as well, although he thought the world of her! Alexis x
Comment from Ekim777
It seems our author has discovered her literary voice. Nice work! You should know that our relationships and dialogues are often something mediocre. Writing is surely the field where we can let loose our magic gift; our imaginations. I suggest you impose more dialogue in a dramatic sense. You should know that worthy dialogue is the most specialized form of writing. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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It seems our author has discovered her literary voice. Nice work! You should know that our relationships and dialogues are often something mediocre. Writing is surely the field where we can let loose our magic gift; our imaginations. I suggest you impose more dialogue in a dramatic sense. You should know that worthy dialogue is the most specialized form of writing. -Ekim777
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Thank you! I would love you to read chapter two where the dialogue and action abounds--with a fair bit of humour included. Alexis x
Comment from thee-name
Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Writing was interesting.
Jenny looked over at George while he slept on the sofa.
She was silenced with a kiss.
'No problem.'Mark chuckled, before he pulled the duvet over their heads . . .
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Writing was interesting.
Jenny looked over at George while he slept on the sofa.
She was silenced with a kiss.
'No problem.'Mark chuckled, before he pulled the duvet over their heads . . .
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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I do hope you find the time to read more. There are some hilarious scenarios coming up, a lot of them based on my past experience as a hotel manager. I have just posted chapter two and three, where disaster strikes when the restaurant opens. Thank you so much for your review. Alexis x
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thank you!
Comment from BJ_Barnes
This was a great read. I love how the story flowed, it was so easy to follow and I was hooked from start to finish. I love the characters as well. They are so realistic but yet have such different personalities. I'm looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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This was a great read. I love how the story flowed, it was so easy to follow and I was hooked from start to finish. I love the characters as well. They are so realistic but yet have such different personalities. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 07-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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I do hope you find the time to read more. There are some hilarious scenarios coming up, a lot of them based on my past experience as a hotel manager. I have just posted chapter two and three, where disaster strikes when the restaurant opens. Thank you so much for your review. Alexis x
Comment from sandragee
We get to meet Jenny, Laura and Karen. We know from lines like "What had happened to the fun tines?' and 'The cat had to be banned from their bedroom, or she and George were history...'. that Jenny is dissatisfied with her lover. Laura has decided to concentrate on business and Karen is back with Mark. They are three distinct women and their stories flow. Some of the sentences are too long. You need to make the one sentence into two or three sentences. That is my only criticism. I enjoyed reading about the women. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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We get to meet Jenny, Laura and Karen. We know from lines like "What had happened to the fun tines?' and 'The cat had to be banned from their bedroom, or she and George were history...'. that Jenny is dissatisfied with her lover. Laura has decided to concentrate on business and Karen is back with Mark. They are three distinct women and their stories flow. Some of the sentences are too long. You need to make the one sentence into two or three sentences. That is my only criticism. I enjoyed reading about the women. Keep writing.
Comment Written 06-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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You are absolutely right, so I've cut a couple of them back. Thank you for your encouraging review and excellent advice. Alexis x
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I must admit, that I get a kick out of everything of yours that I've read. Hard-core "I am woman, hear me roar," vibes throughout, but I also can't argue that, without women what reason would us men have to live. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Well, I must admit, that I get a kick out of everything of yours that I've read. Hard-core "I am woman, hear me roar," vibes throughout, but I also can't argue that, without women what reason would us men have to live. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 06-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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A good point, my friend! In the pecking order of things, Karen has the biggest roar, with Jenny coming a close second. Laura is still learning! Thank you for your review, I really appreciate it. Alexis x
Comment from Ulla
Excellent. It is very well written and you tell the story in such a lively way. It is easy to follow and also engage the reader with the characters making you feel you almost know them. Looking forward to reading on. Ulla
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Excellent. It is very well written and you tell the story in such a lively way. It is easy to follow and also engage the reader with the characters making you feel you almost know them. Looking forward to reading on. Ulla
Comment Written 06-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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It's lovely to see you here at the start, Ulla. A lot of the book is based on my experience when I ran a twenty-five bedroom hotel with my late husband--sometimes with hilarious results. I do hope you enjoy it. Alexis x
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 1 of the book A New Beginning An update on the girls' new lives. "The girls are back!" Just as interesting as ever, and as full-on. I like that. Very well done.
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Chapter 1 of the book A New Beginning An update on the girls' new lives. "The girls are back!" Just as interesting as ever, and as full-on. I like that. Very well done.
Comment Written 06-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Thank you! I hope you get the chance to read some of the following chapters. A lot of the book is based on my experience when I ran a twenty-five bedroom hotel with my late husband-- sometimes with hilarious results! Alexis x
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You are most welcome, Alexis. Would have liked it.
Comment from Jay Squires
You've written an entertaining chapter here, Alexis. I believe this is the first I've critted your posts. Your characters are realistic and individualized. This you brought about largely through your dialogue.
I'm impressed by your balance of narrative and dialogue. This helps the story to move forward seamlessly. I think I would enjoy reading more of your writing.
Here are a few considerations:
before he lay on his side and snuggled back into its master's side. [switching back and forth from "his" to "its" get's kind of awkward. I'd suggest staying with one or the other.]
He'd then go down to the kitchen to make himself a coffee, only returning upstairs to have his shower and tiptoe around the bedroom while he got dressed after he'd watched the morning news for a while on TV. [This is a looong sentence, Alexis. I love long sentences myself, but when you have too much happening in them the reader has to go back and see where he is--or worse, doesn't go back but skips on. I would suggest at least two, possibly three sentences.]
schtum about her imaginary ex. [I'll accept "schtum" as a slang term?]
Again, I'm impressed by this beginning. I will certainly keep my eyes open for new chapters.
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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You've written an entertaining chapter here, Alexis. I believe this is the first I've critted your posts. Your characters are realistic and individualized. This you brought about largely through your dialogue.
I'm impressed by your balance of narrative and dialogue. This helps the story to move forward seamlessly. I think I would enjoy reading more of your writing.
Here are a few considerations:
before he lay on his side and snuggled back into its master's side. [switching back and forth from "his" to "its" get's kind of awkward. I'd suggest staying with one or the other.]
He'd then go down to the kitchen to make himself a coffee, only returning upstairs to have his shower and tiptoe around the bedroom while he got dressed after he'd watched the morning news for a while on TV. [This is a looong sentence, Alexis. I love long sentences myself, but when you have too much happening in them the reader has to go back and see where he is--or worse, doesn't go back but skips on. I would suggest at least two, possibly three sentences.]
schtum about her imaginary ex. [I'll accept "schtum" as a slang term?]
Again, I'm impressed by this beginning. I will certainly keep my eyes open for new chapters.
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 07-May-2015
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Welcome aboard, Jay! All your suggestions are great, and the kind of review I really appreciate because it is both encouraging and helpful. I'm so glad you found this at the beginning. If you're anything like me, dipping in and out of ongoing books can be a frustrating experience if you don't know the characters and facts that led up to that point. Thank you! Alexis x
