Destiny's Angel
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "A Step Closer"A fantasy novel set in modern day Baltimore
7 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Rhonda. This is another great chapter mate and full of suspense which always gives me a thrill. Very well written and as always with your work, the dialogue is superb. One little grinch, which may or may not be correct, I simply don't know LOL.
"American Rescue Workers";(I don't know if the thingy with the dot then the coma is a typo or not, sorry) one of several homeless shelters in"
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 02-May-2015
  |
G'day Rhonda. This is another great chapter mate and full of suspense which always gives me a thrill. Very well written and as always with your work, the dialogue is superb. One little grinch, which may or may not be correct, I simply don't know LOL.
"American Rescue Workers";(I don't know if the thingy with the dot then the coma is a typo or not, sorry) one of several homeless shelters in"
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 02-May-2015
reply by the author on 02-May-2015
-
Thanks for the sweet review, my friend. It's always great to hear from you. I will go back and check the use of the semi colon (;), and thanks so much for pointing it out. I need help on editing these stories as I am still learning all the rules. Again, thanks!
Rhonda
-
ahhhh! Is that what it's called thanks for letting me know. You are welcome my friend.
-
You were right, thanks so much. It was a mistake. It's so hard to pick out your own mistakes!!! Great help,
Rhonda
-
Yes. I didn't want to make you feel bad, but figured you were just dying to know its name. Lol,
Rhonda
-
Hahaha! I looked it up on my keyboard and pressed it a few times but I thought if I put it in tomorrows poem that I'll post the bugger will end up in the wrong place or have the wrong meaning and somebody will growl at me. So I'll just leave it on the keyboard. Kind of like a reverse semi-colonoscopy (That's a feralism) LOL.
-
That is so funny!!! We should write a poem about the semi/reverse colon/colonoscopy. But, then I am waiting on your next chapter!
-
Hahahaha! I have to write one tomorrow to post but if you wanna start a poem of that nature I'll give you a hand or write half each or you can write it, that'll be fun...look I'll put one in now;, there funny, if they had arms and legs they'd look like a little person LOL.
-
Too cute. Got to go help build fences (I live on a farm). I'll see what I come up with while musing! Such fun!
-
LOL. Let me know mate.
-
Will do
Comment from boxergirl
A step closer but still no connection. Can dace is having a terrible tone finding Nick or Cdaddy again. Alice at least confirmed that they had both been there.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
|
A step closer but still no connection. Can dace is having a terrible tone finding Nick or Cdaddy again. Alice at least confirmed that they had both been there.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
-
Thank you for the review and comments. The action will pick up soon!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Well written. Smooth flowing action. Easy to follow story line. Descriptive language well used and held interest throughout. Write on.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
|
Well written. Smooth flowing action. Easy to follow story line. Descriptive language well used and held interest throughout. Write on.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
-
Thank you, Brett. Your opinion is valued,
Rhonda
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was well written. But while reading it I was wondering why one character is telling another character (and therefore us) about the exchange with C-Daddy? Why not just show it.
C-Daddy walked in and I said "What are you doing here"
He replied "now you put in his sweet-like dialogue"
And continue it. What I'm saying is just those two characters should be shown here. Move away from the third character and transition back at the end again. Show us - don't tell us.
Great job overall. A wonderful read.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
|
I thought this was well written. But while reading it I was wondering why one character is telling another character (and therefore us) about the exchange with C-Daddy? Why not just show it.
C-Daddy walked in and I said "What are you doing here"
He replied "now you put in his sweet-like dialogue"
And continue it. What I'm saying is just those two characters should be shown here. Move away from the third character and transition back at the end again. Show us - don't tell us.
Great job overall. A wonderful read.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Wonderful suggestions, and I appreciate them, but I also have a reason for it at this point. The character will appear later and his famous ability for dialog will be revealed. As an author, I usually write almost entirely in dialog, but chose, what is to me, an uncomfortable style to help set up the next two chapters. Thanks so much for pointing out my own opinion on writing through dialog.
Rhonda
Comment from MelB
She's really having trouble connecting with this guy. This guy looking for C-Daddy seems like a lot of trouble. This may be the toughest donation Cadence has ever tried to get!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
|
She's really having trouble connecting with this guy. This guy looking for C-Daddy seems like a lot of trouble. This may be the toughest donation Cadence has ever tried to get!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
True, and it gets harder before it gets easier. Thanks for keeping up, you are a jewel!
Rhonda
Comment from lalajovanoski
wow. this truly is an exceptionally, well written story. I found this to be deep and emotional. You found a way to write this so well that i believe any one who reads will really feel the same way. Thank you very much for sharing. I enjoyed reading.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
 |
wow. this truly is an exceptionally, well written story. I found this to be deep and emotional. You found a way to write this so well that i believe any one who reads will really feel the same way. Thank you very much for sharing. I enjoyed reading.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Again, thank you for the sweet and encouraging review, my friend!
Rhonda
Comment from royowen
The event that led to C-Daddy battered and bleeding, seems to be an allegorical similarity to the Good Samaritan story in the bible. This is an excellent episode Rhonda. So they go to this place, a refuge for the.down and out, discovering that he received attention, but somebody not atall nice had been looking also for him, and had been thrown out. The person of Nick Collins had also visited, physically impressive was he! Well done, fascinating, well written, engaging, mysterious, good scribing, well done, Rhonda, blessings Roy.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
|
The event that led to C-Daddy battered and bleeding, seems to be an allegorical similarity to the Good Samaritan story in the bible. This is an excellent episode Rhonda. So they go to this place, a refuge for the.down and out, discovering that he received attention, but somebody not atall nice had been looking also for him, and had been thrown out. The person of Nick Collins had also visited, physically impressive was he! Well done, fascinating, well written, engaging, mysterious, good scribing, well done, Rhonda, blessings Roy.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Thank you so much for the detailed and deep review. I like the way you are able to pick out the scriptural undertones, which few do. They usually notice the obvious ones, but you have such an easy rapport with the Lord that you seem to see Him in everything. Blessings,
Rhonda
-
My pleasure.
