haiku (warm bayou rain)
haiku 4/7/526 total reviews
Comment from Debbie Noland
I am a fan of haiku structured with juxtaposed images. I favor that approach over the satori line, because I like the idea of that "aha" being implied and therefore derived from the thought process of the reader rather than spelled out at the end.
Your diverse images of rain on the tin roof and grits cooking are perfect visual and (especially) auditory complements. Your poem takes us for the briefest moment into the South itself to experience for ourselves its sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures. I would take that over satori any day.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
  |
I am a fan of haiku structured with juxtaposed images. I favor that approach over the satori line, because I like the idea of that "aha" being implied and therefore derived from the thought process of the reader rather than spelled out at the end.
Your diverse images of rain on the tin roof and grits cooking are perfect visual and (especially) auditory complements. Your poem takes us for the briefest moment into the South itself to experience for ourselves its sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures. I would take that over satori any day.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
This is a wonderful review. Thank you so much
Comment from Eric1
Hi Val, this is a truly wonderful entry for this particular haiku competition, full of expressive description in your well chosen words, it should do well, good luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
|
Hi Val, this is a truly wonderful entry for this particular haiku competition, full of expressive description in your well chosen words, it should do well, good luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Thank you for the wonderful review.
-
You are very welcome my friend.
Comment from krys123
Val;
+ An excellent picture to complement your poem which is very appropriate and relative to the concept.
+ Alliteration in *"bubble and boil"*
+ Good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and concepts in one stanza and line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Also, there is a good use of juxtaposition technique of association wherein juxtaposition it is to use of two distinct images and one or stanza And here you used to association of warm and bubble and boil.
+ Your palms 5/7/5 syllabic format, meets the requirements for the contest.
+ I actually love this poem for this simple but the imagery is very definitively expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive.
+ Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always Val. Also may you have all the best of luck in the contest.
Alex
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
|
Val;
+ An excellent picture to complement your poem which is very appropriate and relative to the concept.
+ Alliteration in *"bubble and boil"*
+ Good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and concepts in one stanza and line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Also, there is a good use of juxtaposition technique of association wherein juxtaposition it is to use of two distinct images and one or stanza And here you used to association of warm and bubble and boil.
+ Your palms 5/7/5 syllabic format, meets the requirements for the contest.
+ I actually love this poem for this simple but the imagery is very definitively expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive.
+ Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always Val. Also may you have all the best of luck in the contest.
Alex
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Alex, this an excellent review. Very through and analytical, but with a touch of emotion also. I'm so glad you enjoyed my little haiku. I'm sorry I haven't been reviewing much lately. It's been a rough year for my family, but I really appreciate you support.
-
You are so sincerely welcome my friend.
Alex
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Val
Lovely to see you pop up in my mailbox. You've aroused all senses in this delightful haiku. Full of life and a sense of fun, exactly as a haiku should be. I love the visual you create and the identity of a specific sense of place, "bayou", I feel the warm raindrops and hear those "rhythms on an old tin roof", also encompassing the entire visual you've so poetically and descriptively presented for us. Strong and audial verb use in "taps", provides a crisp crunch and clever connection with your third line, also audial with a sense of humour. :)) You take me to memories of my childhood listening and loving the rain on the old corrugated iron roof tops of outback Australia. I even bought my first house because it had a veranda covered by that same roofing .... one of my favourite things just to listen to this sound ... gentle rain or pounding storm. Strong word use with "grits" though not known to Aussies (except in American movies), we enjoyed Grandma's porridge and its "bubble and boil".
You've frozen a precious moment in time and captured the essence with elegant simplicity .... to me you have written an outstanding haiku for the contest. I love the simplicity of your presentation, though your words of course stand alone in creating their own perfect image. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you fare well ... this is an outstanding haiku. Welcome back ... huge hugs - Lovi xoxoxo PS I haven't been on here much myself for some time. Sending chocolate kisses. xoxoxo
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
 |
Hi Val
Lovely to see you pop up in my mailbox. You've aroused all senses in this delightful haiku. Full of life and a sense of fun, exactly as a haiku should be. I love the visual you create and the identity of a specific sense of place, "bayou", I feel the warm raindrops and hear those "rhythms on an old tin roof", also encompassing the entire visual you've so poetically and descriptively presented for us. Strong and audial verb use in "taps", provides a crisp crunch and clever connection with your third line, also audial with a sense of humour. :)) You take me to memories of my childhood listening and loving the rain on the old corrugated iron roof tops of outback Australia. I even bought my first house because it had a veranda covered by that same roofing .... one of my favourite things just to listen to this sound ... gentle rain or pounding storm. Strong word use with "grits" though not known to Aussies (except in American movies), we enjoyed Grandma's porridge and its "bubble and boil".
You've frozen a precious moment in time and captured the essence with elegant simplicity .... to me you have written an outstanding haiku for the contest. I love the simplicity of your presentation, though your words of course stand alone in creating their own perfect image. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you fare well ... this is an outstanding haiku. Welcome back ... huge hugs - Lovi xoxoxo PS I haven't been on here much myself for some time. Sending chocolate kisses. xoxoxo
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
My dearest, Lovinia, I am humbled by this amazing review (which is actually much better than my little work). I'm sorry I haven't been reviewing much. Our family has had a very traumatic year, and it seems I have no energy to give to much other than trying to heal this problem. Every once in a while a I get an inspiration, and I move on it as in this little haiku. I believe I can get back in the "game" soon. You are truly one of the most supportive people on this site (at least for me), and I sense deep and abiding kindness in you. Thank you once again for this exceptional. Hugs Val
-
Hi Val
I think about you often. You did let me know that your life was traumatic and you'd not be posting. I'm just pleased you pop in every now and then. You know I've always admired your work. I'm the same, life is not so poetic these days and I'm not on here as much as I'd like. We'll both be back to the 'game' soon I hope. :)) Sending healing, loving hugs to you and your family and an end to your pain and trauma. I'm trying to get back into meditation, it always helped me so much in the past .... getting started is the hard thing. Thank you for your lovely words, so nice to hear from you ... perhaps I just reflect the kindness you've shown me over our time on FS and I always admire your intelligence and integrity. Keep safe. Love and huge hugs - Lovi xoxox
Comment from bizzygirl
tapping rain/bubbling grits. Syllables match the criteria. I like the metaphor rain tapping/grits bubbling. Bayou offers a sense of mystery as is a large portion of Louisiana. Nice job. Presentation is lovely with rain/colors for choice of background and words
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
|
tapping rain/bubbling grits. Syllables match the criteria. I like the metaphor rain tapping/grits bubbling. Bayou offers a sense of mystery as is a large portion of Louisiana. Nice job. Presentation is lovely with rain/colors for choice of background and words
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Thank you for the wonderful review. I do so love the South.
-
YW
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was well written. I could hear the rain on the tin roof. Feel the rain and thought this was terrific. So much imagery with so little words.
FYI: The contest states that you don't have to use 5-7-5
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
|
I thought this was well written. I could hear the rain on the tin roof. Feel the rain and thought this was terrific. So much imagery with so little words.
FYI: The contest states that you don't have to use 5-7-5
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Thank you, Michael, I'm glad you liked the imagery that was what I was after. I know the contest states the haiku did not have to be 5/7/5, but many times people STILL insist on the old format.
