tanka (fickle autumn's gusts)
Contest entry16 total reviews
Comment from Lovinia
hi steve
congratulations on your fine placement in the contest. i love the presentation and that delightful image. perfect concrete imagery in your expertly phrased haiku, what fabulous word usage with 'irrepressible', it works so well leading to the aha moment, is superb as a pivot to your response lines and connects so wonderfully with the occasion of your wedding celebrations. i love the sight and sound of 'golden confetti flurries'. you use poetic technique well in your alliteration, assonance and consonance which adds so much more emotion and audial. well done ... so romantic. huge hugs - lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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hi steve
congratulations on your fine placement in the contest. i love the presentation and that delightful image. perfect concrete imagery in your expertly phrased haiku, what fabulous word usage with 'irrepressible', it works so well leading to the aha moment, is superb as a pivot to your response lines and connects so wonderfully with the occasion of your wedding celebrations. i love the sight and sound of 'golden confetti flurries'. you use poetic technique well in your alliteration, assonance and consonance which adds so much more emotion and audial. well done ... so romantic. huge hugs - lovi xoxo
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Lovi, thanks so much for the kind words about my tanka - I will get the hang of these short forms eventually!
Steve
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looks like you're getting there already. lol take care and write on. happy wedding anniversary. hugs - lovi xoxo
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Afternoon, Steve
Congratulations on placing in the tanka contest. Your tanka is superb and I enjoyed reading it. Your first two lines are haiku-like, grammatically connected and have a strong natural reference. Also, very full of vivid imagery. The last two lines are truly emotive with feelings of love and celebration. Importantly, your third line serves extremely well as both commentary on the first two lines and pivot to begin the last two.
Well done, my friend.
Ray
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Good Afternoon, Steve
Congratulations on placing in the tanka contest. Your tanka is superb and I enjoyed reading it. Your first two lines are haiku-like, grammatically connected and have a strong natural reference. Also, very full of vivid imagery. The last two lines are truly emotive with feelings of love and celebration. Importantly, your third line serves extremely well as both commentary on the first two lines and pivot to begin the last two.
Well done, my friend.
Ray
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Thanks, Ray - I do my best with these things, but still have some way to go perhaps.
Am I right in thinking you won this contest - if so, big congratulations!
Steve
Comment from tfawcus
This seems to me to be a perfect tanka with its connection between nature and human love. Beautifully expressed and surely a strong contender for the prize! 'Fragile poplar sails' is such a spot-on description of the autumn leaves of the poplar and the alliteration in 'confetti flurries' creates a wonderful image in the mind of those ghosts from an enchanter fleeing. Definitely six-worthy if I had one left.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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This seems to me to be a perfect tanka with its connection between nature and human love. Beautifully expressed and surely a strong contender for the prize! 'Fragile poplar sails' is such a spot-on description of the autumn leaves of the poplar and the alliteration in 'confetti flurries' creates a wonderful image in the mind of those ghosts from an enchanter fleeing. Definitely six-worthy if I had one left.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Tony, thanks for the great review and the virtual six. can't say I'm a tanka-ista but I'll give anything a go...
Steve
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Picture illustrates poem's meaning very well. Short, sweet, and directly to an easy to follow message using very few words. Write on.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Picture illustrates poem's meaning very well. Short, sweet, and directly to an easy to follow message using very few words. Write on.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Sanku
A beautiful poetical painting .Heavens shower of golden confetti on your wedding day is effectively captured in your little poem.
But why is autumn 'fickle'?
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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A beautiful poetical painting .Heavens shower of golden confetti on your wedding day is effectively captured in your little poem.
But why is autumn 'fickle'?
Comment Written 27-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Thanks for the kind wordsw.
Fickle autumn? Yesterday morning we had torrential rain and gales. By the afternoon all had changed toi sun and gentle breezes...
Steve
Comment from Spitfire
Guess who got married outdoors in the fall? LOL
A great pivot word to transition from objectivity of nature to subjectivity of one's personal life.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Guess who got married outdoors in the fall? LOL
A great pivot word to transition from objectivity of nature to subjectivity of one's personal life.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Thank you!
Not much good at these, but I try!
Steve
Comment from krys123
Steve;
+ This is an excellent written tank up , which is most evident with its enjoyable and impressive imagery.
+ The first two lines are very interconnected like a haiku with the third line as like a satori and gives an aha moment to the first three lines. The following and last two lines also gives superb imagery that is very definitively expressive and most vividly and demonstratively descriptive.
+ Very good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and concepts one stanza and line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Also, I could use of juxtaposition technique of association and similarity were just the position is the use of two distinct images and one poem or stanza here you have flurries and gusts within the same poem or stanza.
+ Thank you for sharing and posting and good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Steve;
+ This is an excellent written tank up , which is most evident with its enjoyable and impressive imagery.
+ The first two lines are very interconnected like a haiku with the third line as like a satori and gives an aha moment to the first three lines. The following and last two lines also gives superb imagery that is very definitively expressive and most vividly and demonstratively descriptive.
+ Very good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and concepts one stanza and line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Also, I could use of juxtaposition technique of association and similarity were just the position is the use of two distinct images and one poem or stanza here you have flurries and gusts within the same poem or stanza.
+ Thank you for sharing and posting and good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 26-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Alex, thanks for the great review.
Steve
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You are so welcome Steve
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Excellently done
Colorful
Descriptive words made the piece all the way through./
Imagery was magnificient.
Deserves more than a six
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Excellently done
Colorful
Descriptive words made the piece all the way through./
Imagery was magnificient.
Deserves more than a six
Comment Written 26-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Barb, thanks for the gracious comments and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Interesting photo for your poem.
-Your format is good.
-I like the imagery in line two, especially "poplar sails".
-Very good imagery in line four
-Nice conclusion.
-Well written.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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-Interesting photo for your poem.
-Your format is good.
-I like the imagery in line two, especially "poplar sails".
-Very good imagery in line four
-Nice conclusion.
-Well written.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Thank you!
Steve
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You are welcome.
Comment from royowen
A nicely composed tanka, the narrative has a very sombre touch to it, the poplar sails give it a fleetingness to it, and the the last line brings it to a contrasting celebratory feel, the artwork fits the theme, and the whole work is very effective, and is a clever composition all around. good luck Steve, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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A nicely composed tanka, the narrative has a very sombre touch to it, the poplar sails give it a fleetingness to it, and the the last line brings it to a contrasting celebratory feel, the artwork fits the theme, and the whole work is very effective, and is a clever composition all around. good luck Steve, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
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Roy, thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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Most welcome.
