The Curse of 'Gator Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "'Gator Bait Part 2"A young Cajun girl struggles to survive.
10 total reviews
Comment from MTF1955
I truly love this story. You sucked me in and I felt like i was standing there watching the autopsy there with the sheriff and I'm sure I would have been just as green. Great Job. Mary
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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I truly love this story. You sucked me in and I felt like i was standing there watching the autopsy there with the sheriff and I'm sure I would have been just as green. Great Job. Mary
Comment Written 24-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Thanks, Mary, I am so glad you like my story. I will be posting other chapters soon.
Jo
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
I've read you before. You surely know how to hook your reader right from the get-go. Me too. Look forward to more. IMHO, you are writing about one of the spookiest places on earth. I don't see why we need alligators, do you?
GoodHearted Woman
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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I've read you before. You surely know how to hook your reader right from the get-go. Me too. Look forward to more. IMHO, you are writing about one of the spookiest places on earth. I don't see why we need alligators, do you?
GoodHearted Woman
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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My son and only grandson live in south Louisiana. They love to fish in the swamps. I'm a Texas girl and alligators
scare the living tar out of me. Especially when I think of my seventeen- year- old grandson out there in the swamps. He's always
sending me pictures of the "big ones he has caught." Thank you for reading my work.
Jo
Comment from create4christ
Your illustration fits well with your story. You definitely used plenty of description. Your reader can visualize surroundings and what is happening. This story also draws the reader in to read more and find out who murdered this guy and why. Good job.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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Your illustration fits well with your story. You definitely used plenty of description. Your reader can visualize surroundings and what is happening. This story also draws the reader in to read more and find out who murdered this guy and why. Good job.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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Read on and you will find out why and who killed the man. :o) Thank you for commenting on my story. The Autopsy (part 1-B), and Chapter 2 The Confession follows.
Jo
Comment from LisaD123
This is a very readable chapter and easily sustains the interest of the reader. The characters are authentically constructed and the small attention to detail, such as the Sheriff leaving the room because he feels ill, add to the overall effect. The dialogue is very well-written and help to move the plot forward and to build up tension. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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This is a very readable chapter and easily sustains the interest of the reader. The characters are authentically constructed and the small attention to detail, such as the Sheriff leaving the room because he feels ill, add to the overall effect. The dialogue is very well-written and help to move the plot forward and to build up tension. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you, Lisa, for reading and commenting on my chapter. I will continue adding chapters as I go along. I
hope you will continue to read.
Jo
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Gator tail. Wonderfully delicious meat. Ever had any? Story well written. Action flows smoothly. Descriptive language used throughout. Write on.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Gator tail. Wonderfully delicious meat. Ever had any? Story well written. Action flows smoothly. Descriptive language used throughout. Write on.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. No, I have never eaten gator tail. I will try it next time I'm in Louisiana.
Jo
Comment from Misrael
I am still trying to remember if I have read any of this before. I have found it to be very good and interesting even if some what gruesome. I enjoyed the read. Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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I am still trying to remember if I have read any of this before. I have found it to be very good and interesting even if some what gruesome. I enjoyed the read. Keep on writing.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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You might have read this before. This is a total edit of a book I posted about two years ago. I contacted the administrators regarding reposting my work for review and I got a reply that I could If I used a different (new) certificate they have just created. I very much wanted critiques on the rewritten material. I hope I understood them correctly.
Comment from Dean Kuch
So, the body found in the bayou swamp is discovered to be none other than Mr. Claude Terrebonne, a man with a family (and probably not a very happy one either, given Claude's reputation for nastiness). Now he's turned up missing a boat.
The coroner, Jake, determined the cause of death to be a stab wound to the heart. Sounds like a crime of revenge -- or perhaps passion -- to me. Maybe old Claude was dipping his wicket when he shouldn't have been, and his wife found out about it and got revenge. Or maybe Claude was molesting his fifteen-year-old daughter, and either the mother or the daughter herself had had enough. All of this is mere speculation on my part, of course, but if I were Renee, that would be the first place I began to look.
Excellent writing, JustJo, a very well written chapter in your crime drama.
I saw absolutely no errors...~Dean :)
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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So, the body found in the bayou swamp is discovered to be none other than Mr. Claude Terrebonne, a man with a family (and probably not a very happy one either, given Claude's reputation for nastiness). Now he's turned up missing a boat.
The coroner, Jake, determined the cause of death to be a stab wound to the heart. Sounds like a crime of revenge -- or perhaps passion -- to me. Maybe old Claude was dipping his wicket when he shouldn't have been, and his wife found out about it and got revenge. Or maybe Claude was molesting his fifteen-year-old daughter, and either the mother or the daughter herself had had enough. All of this is mere speculation on my part, of course, but if I were Renee, that would be the first place I began to look.
Excellent writing, JustJo, a very well written chapter in your crime drama.
I saw absolutely no errors...~Dean :)
Comment Written 25-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Thank you Dean for reading and commenting on my work.
Jo
Comment from lancellot
A very interesting chapter and the Sheriff was warned not to go alone.
notes:
He {lives} out on Bayou Cane with a wife and passel of kids.
- should this be 'lived' as the rest of his comments are in past tense about the dead guy.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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A very interesting chapter and the Sheriff was warned not to go alone.
notes:
He {lives} out on Bayou Cane with a wife and passel of kids.
- should this be 'lived' as the rest of his comments are in past tense about the dead guy.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Yes, you are right. I will go back and correct. Thank you.
Jo
Comment from Fridayauthor
I like the setting and story line. I was confused as the posting was listed as "1" so I assumed this was the first chapter.
The piece could use some tightening to more the story along more briskly. Just some personal suggestions....
The next step was to make a 'Y' incision, a cut from shoulder to shoulder...
He next cut a "Y" incision from shoulder to shoulder...
I can tell you for sure he was dead when he entered the water. No fluid in his lungs. No grasses or swamp filth in the lungs or stomach either. All that tells me, he didn't hit the water alive.
He was dead before he entered the bayou. There was no water or swamp filth in his lungs or stomach.
Renee looked up at the large clock hanging over Jake's office door.
Renee looked up at the clock.
Good job. Thank you.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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I like the setting and story line. I was confused as the posting was listed as "1" so I assumed this was the first chapter.
The piece could use some tightening to more the story along more briskly. Just some personal suggestions....
The next step was to make a 'Y' incision, a cut from shoulder to shoulder...
He next cut a "Y" incision from shoulder to shoulder...
I can tell you for sure he was dead when he entered the water. No fluid in his lungs. No grasses or swamp filth in the lungs or stomach either. All that tells me, he didn't hit the water alive.
He was dead before he entered the bayou. There was no water or swamp filth in his lungs or stomach.
Renee looked up at the large clock hanging over Jake's office door.
Renee looked up at the clock.
Good job. Thank you.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
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Thanks Friday for your input regarding my story. I'm glad you liked the story line. I will review the chapter and make some changes as you have suggested.
Jo
Comment from Eternal Muse
Wow, this was such an engaging story, I swallowed it in one gulp. Incredibly well written. I wonder if he seduced a young girl and was killed by the grieving father/boyfriend. What a way to dispose of someone, though - kill them first and then throw in the water to the alligators.
A masterful description of the autopsy.
A terrific offering, thank you so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2015
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Wow, this was such an engaging story, I swallowed it in one gulp. Incredibly well written. I wonder if he seduced a young girl and was killed by the grieving father/boyfriend. What a way to dispose of someone, though - kill them first and then throw in the water to the alligators.
A masterful description of the autopsy.
A terrific offering, thank you so much for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2015
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Thank you Yeltel for commenting so kindly on my book. I am in the process of re-editing the entire book. Today I posted Chap.2 the Confession. Hope you will take a look.
Jo
