Littoral
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Pebble on the Strand"Poems about the coastline
11 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
whew!
Ok... my initial reaction after reading your author's notes was... damn! He must have more brain cells left than I do, to be able to even remember that rhyme scheme! I had to keep reading and reading back and forth and say... "WTF?"... and then I just said, I'll just read it and maybe it will hit me. lol
so I did... and it did. thankfully...
But then, something else happened... The poem became greater than the form!
I mean... the meaning of the poem... the synergy...
"The whole is worth more than the sum of its individual parts", became apparent to me... The metaphor of the pebble (me... or someone like me)... on the beach (the world or earth)... and being unlike anyone else, became MORE than how the poem was laid out ,or arranged on lines... and then, and only then did it become apparent to me how awesome this poem is... and how beautiful your words are.
this part, especially, touched me:
'But those multi-coloured whorls etched in your sea-shone surface stole
My heart so then, to feel your silken smoothness, I held you in my hand
And for one moment wondered: "Should you perhaps have been the sole
Pebble on the strand?" "
wow... you're a smooth talker, aren't you? :)
I loved it. really loved it. I think I saw a sunset in there somewhere... and a glass of champagne. LOL
Well done, Gynt... very well done.
Cat >^^<
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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whew!
Ok... my initial reaction after reading your author's notes was... damn! He must have more brain cells left than I do, to be able to even remember that rhyme scheme! I had to keep reading and reading back and forth and say... "WTF?"... and then I just said, I'll just read it and maybe it will hit me. lol
so I did... and it did. thankfully...
But then, something else happened... The poem became greater than the form!
I mean... the meaning of the poem... the synergy...
"The whole is worth more than the sum of its individual parts", became apparent to me... The metaphor of the pebble (me... or someone like me)... on the beach (the world or earth)... and being unlike anyone else, became MORE than how the poem was laid out ,or arranged on lines... and then, and only then did it become apparent to me how awesome this poem is... and how beautiful your words are.
this part, especially, touched me:
'But those multi-coloured whorls etched in your sea-shone surface stole
My heart so then, to feel your silken smoothness, I held you in my hand
And for one moment wondered: "Should you perhaps have been the sole
Pebble on the strand?" "
wow... you're a smooth talker, aren't you? :)
I loved it. really loved it. I think I saw a sunset in there somewhere... and a glass of champagne. LOL
Well done, Gynt... very well done.
Cat >^^<
Comment Written 06-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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I'll be getting a swollen head if you go on like this. Stop it; I like it! Joking apart this is a truly wonderful review. Many thanks.
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tis my pleasure... *sips champagne...*
now... off to bed with you! :)
Comment from Treischel
A marvelous piece that scrutinizes a single pebble on a beach. You describe its uniqueness and its similarities. The impressionist stipple it a wonderful metaphor. I personally like this format. The repeats, when chosen wisely creat an enchanting echo of the theme. And, as you noticed, only 2 rhymes requires skill and creativity. You enjambment effectively throughout. Some deft touches of alliteration: similar shape small, tincture texture, yet you,sea-shone surface stole, silken smoothness.
Now, check out the assonance of the O sound in this line.
for one moment wondered: "Should you .... sole.
I enjoyed the read. Very well done!
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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A marvelous piece that scrutinizes a single pebble on a beach. You describe its uniqueness and its similarities. The impressionist stipple it a wonderful metaphor. I personally like this format. The repeats, when chosen wisely creat an enchanting echo of the theme. And, as you noticed, only 2 rhymes requires skill and creativity. You enjambment effectively throughout. Some deft touches of alliteration: similar shape small, tincture texture, yet you,sea-shone surface stole, silken smoothness.
Now, check out the assonance of the O sound in this line.
for one moment wondered: "Should you .... sole.
I enjoyed the read. Very well done!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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I might have known you would spot all the important bits of form and content! As for the 'o' line I sawa 'w' in there even when it was an 'o'. I love the sound of language and my one regret in life is that I was so badly taught French at school that it put me of modern languages for life. I wish now that I had the gift of 'tongues! Many thanks for your review.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate. You are certainly the master of the different forms of poetry and you master them so well. This is another beautifully written chapter that I applaud you on. Keep 'em coming my firend, these are most enjoyable, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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G'day mate. You are certainly the master of the different forms of poetry and you master them so well. This is another beautifully written chapter that I applaud you on. Keep 'em coming my firend, these are most enjoyable, cheers Fez
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Thanks once again. I'm really chuffed that you are enjoying my stuff so much.
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I got chuffed once in Melbourne, I drank to much at the Cricket and got into a fight...oh wait...sorry ..that was cuffed...No probs mate I love it, you keep writing and this old feral will keep reading.
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Yeah, the h makes a bit of a difference!
Comment from benoenose
So precious is the pebble that beauty the beach. This nature beauty is wondered by the poet and praises the creation. The lines make the author surprise when he took one of the pebble to see the beauty. Now realizes how enchanting is that God created humans much precious than the pebble. Wonderful comparison of the poet with the creation of God is excellently portrayed.
Read by all ocean lovers and nature poets.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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So precious is the pebble that beauty the beach. This nature beauty is wondered by the poet and praises the creation. The lines make the author surprise when he took one of the pebble to see the beauty. Now realizes how enchanting is that God created humans much precious than the pebble. Wonderful comparison of the poet with the creation of God is excellently portrayed.
Read by all ocean lovers and nature poets.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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You certainly got the message, benoenose. And another six from you thank you indeed, sir.
Comment from petalangela
Yet again I learn something new about the form and other kinds of poetry. Your writing is a a classroom in itself an oasis in the desert to to thirsty beginners like myself.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Yet again I learn something new about the form and other kinds of poetry. Your writing is a a classroom in itself an oasis in the desert to to thirsty beginners like myself.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thsank you for your most generous review. I am so glad to be of assistance.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Interesting poem styling. Action flows well. Verses fit together nicely. Descriptive language used held reader's interest. Write on.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Interesting poem styling. Action flows well. Verses fit together nicely. Descriptive language used held reader's interest. Write on.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you for reading and for your complimentary review. Write on? Oh yes indeed!
Comment from dmt1967
When I read this poem, I immediately thought of the Leona Lewis song, 'Footsteps in the Sand.' It had that same sad drawl to it and touched me. I liked the picture too. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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When I read this poem, I immediately thought of the Leona Lewis song, 'Footsteps in the Sand.' It had that same sad drawl to it and touched me. I liked the picture too. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you for reading and your kind review. I am so pleased that it resonated with you.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I know what tincture means but I am grasping as to what context you are using it here.
I get the metaphor, but the couldn't really connect with the piece as a whole.
GMG
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reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Hi there,
I know what tincture means but I am grasping as to what context you are using it here.
I get the metaphor, but the couldn't really connect with the piece as a whole.
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thanks for your honest appreciation of this poem. I value your opnion.
Comment from Bill Schott
I don't recall seeing this form, but know the rondeau and 'get it'. I like the idea of the short refrain rhyming with the dual rhyme scheme. The image on the beach and the implications for humanity are made manifest with your well-chosen words.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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I don't recall seeing this form, but know the rondeau and 'get it'. I like the idea of the short refrain rhyming with the dual rhyme scheme. The image on the beach and the implications for humanity are made manifest with your well-chosen words.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this. Your comments are much appreciated.
Comment from bayforesthimankush
Imagination makes a dream alive; imagination draws a mental picture of things when looked from a distant. Everything looks alike, everything looks possible. A lover's dream for a loved one, a scientist's dream for an invention seems possible. But one finds the reality of the real world when goes near and looks closer. No two things are same; all have it's individuality and each is different in it's own way. One needs to dream to create the feeling of possibility and then proceed to implement the dream.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Imagination makes a dream alive; imagination draws a mental picture of things when looked from a distant. Everything looks alike, everything looks possible. A lover's dream for a loved one, a scientist's dream for an invention seems possible. But one finds the reality of the real world when goes near and looks closer. No two things are same; all have it's individuality and each is different in it's own way. One needs to dream to create the feeling of possibility and then proceed to implement the dream.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much for your insiteful review of this piece. Your comments are much appreciated.
