haiku (famished clouds)
cloud haiku 3-5-414 total reviews
Comment from Tatarka2
I thought this fulfilled the rules of the prompt, and I commend you for having taken on this difficult task. This one seemed a bit unclear to me. What is "lightly basted" - the "famished clouds," the mountain? I'm not sure, and I'm also not sure what "basting" might mean in this context.
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I thought this fulfilled the rules of the prompt, and I commend you for having taken on this difficult task. This one seemed a bit unclear to me. What is "lightly basted" - the "famished clouds," the mountain? I'm not sure, and I'm also not sure what "basting" might mean in this context.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
Comment from Dean Kuch
Interesting word choices with lightly basted, "M". However, it works well here in this haiku. Storms come rolling in and drop their payloads across the arid land (very common in California I would think, what with the frequent wildfires), then move off once more to accumulate more moisture -- thus they could easily be construed as famished...personification.
Another good haiku entry that should get great responses from admiring readers. Best of luck to you in the prompt...~Dean
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Interesting word choices with lightly basted, "M". However, it works well here in this haiku. Storms come rolling in and drop their payloads across the arid land (very common in California I would think, what with the frequent wildfires), then move off once more to accumulate more moisture -- thus they could easily be construed as famished...personification.
Another good haiku entry that should get great responses from admiring readers. Best of luck to you in the prompt...~Dean
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
Comment from Sis Cat
Beautiful. Reminded me of my trips to Hawaii. Clouds came across the Pacific and stopped on one side of the islands because of the volcanic mountain ranges. It would rain on that side of island, but the other side was a desert. You wrote an evocative poem with strong, playful images. thank you for sharing and I wish you success in the contest.
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Beautiful. Reminded me of my trips to Hawaii. Clouds came across the Pacific and stopped on one side of the islands because of the volcanic mountain ranges. It would rain on that side of island, but the other side was a desert. You wrote an evocative poem with strong, playful images. thank you for sharing and I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
Comment from royowen
I really like this entry in this cloud haiku contest, it has a great deal of humour in it, it falls well within the required rules regarding the contest, the satori is really quite clever, well done, blessings, Roy.
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I really like this entry in this cloud haiku contest, it has a great deal of humour in it, it falls well within the required rules regarding the contest, the satori is really quite clever, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
Comment from scd41
Clouds can be famished if they are not laden with rains and hiding on top of a mountain. Famished clouds cause parched lands and poor farming. So your haiku raises a frequent concern for drought.
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Clouds can be famished if they are not laden with rains and hiding on top of a mountain. Famished clouds cause parched lands and poor farming. So your haiku raises a frequent concern for drought.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
Comment from Bill Schott
I think your haiku has fulfilled all the requirements of the contest and created a likable image of hungry clouds on the mountain. The basting term makes me hungry as well.
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I think your haiku has fulfilled all the requirements of the contest and created a likable image of hungry clouds on the mountain. The basting term makes me hungry as well.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
Comment from nordicgirl
I remember when you first started trying these short forms. You were aleays clever enough to write a piece that would draw attention. Lately though ypu have been coming up with work like this, true haiku with amazing imagery and terrific satoris. This is perfect and no doubt a top contender. Exceotional!!
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I remember when you first started trying these short forms. You were aleays clever enough to write a piece that would draw attention. Lately though ypu have been coming up with work like this, true haiku with amazing imagery and terrific satoris. This is perfect and no doubt a top contender. Exceotional!!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
Comment from emkoutny
I like how you employed the element of concrete poetry in this haiku. you also used personification with "famished" clouds and tied the imagery together with "lightly basted."
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I like how you employed the element of concrete poetry in this haiku. you also used personification with "famished" clouds and tied the imagery together with "lightly basted."
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
Comment from Jean Lutz
Very descriptive. No basting in my area. We've had so much rain everything is turning to soup. Looks like a strong contender in the competition and I wish you the best.
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Very descriptive. No basting in my area. We've had so much rain everything is turning to soup. Looks like a strong contender in the competition and I wish you the best.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This is very creative. I love the imagery. I could see the clouds way up in the sky heading to the mountain (sneak, I love that). This is very creative and well written.
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This is very creative. I love the imagery. I could see the clouds way up in the sky heading to the mountain (sneak, I love that). This is very creative and well written.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
