The Bedford
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Date, Part Two"The ongoing story of Karen, Laura and Jenny.
17 total reviews
Comment from Curly Girly
Good for Karen. It must have felt good to through the wine in his face. I liked the idea of the contrived phone call. Way to go, girl!
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Good for Karen. It must have felt good to through the wine in his face. I liked the idea of the contrived phone call. Way to go, girl!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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I was going to have them get together in this one, but changed my mind at the last minute. Before I knew it, my fingers had the wine shooting across the table. It felt soooo good! Alexis x
Comment from Cat of Letters
Hi Alexis,
Para one. Change comma's fat, alcoholic cow (remove comma) would be . . .
I am not sure if you need the 'whatever justification he believed he had to say it is the first place'.
in the 'having an affair' dept. Just make it affair. No quotes.
Having said that, might be better as 'That said'
suggest 'he still felt intensely jealous (comma) cut the 'because'
Scotch - capital
air-kissed (I think this should likely have a hyphen)
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One thing I noticed, and I am not sure it works, is you starting to use Americanisms. IE that she picked up her purse, rather than evening bag, from the table, and hands in the cookie jar. If some editor wants to make changes like this at some point for a US edition let them. Right now,I think you should stick to your own voice, which is British.
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Clearly she has yet to forgive Mark! The chucking her wine at him work well as a device to illustrate the degree of her anger and resentment.
By the way how did she afford her share in the Bedford without selling the house? You may have explained this somewhere.
Best wishes, Alison
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Hi Alexis,
Para one. Change comma's fat, alcoholic cow (remove comma) would be . . .
I am not sure if you need the 'whatever justification he believed he had to say it is the first place'.
in the 'having an affair' dept. Just make it affair. No quotes.
Having said that, might be better as 'That said'
suggest 'he still felt intensely jealous (comma) cut the 'because'
Scotch - capital
air-kissed (I think this should likely have a hyphen)
___
One thing I noticed, and I am not sure it works, is you starting to use Americanisms. IE that she picked up her purse, rather than evening bag, from the table, and hands in the cookie jar. If some editor wants to make changes like this at some point for a US edition let them. Right now,I think you should stick to your own voice, which is British.
__
Clearly she has yet to forgive Mark! The chucking her wine at him work well as a device to illustrate the degree of her anger and resentment.
By the way how did she afford her share in the Bedford without selling the house? You may have explained this somewhere.
Best wishes, Alison
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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She's been given a shareholding in the hotel by Laura, as has Jenny.
I can't thank you enough for taking the time to review these when you're up to your eyes with the house. Every suggestion was spot on.
Take care, Alexis xxx
Comment from GWHARGIS
Incredibly energetic for two people sitting down having a drink. I like the thought process ofvKaren. I also like the constant reminder for Mark, of the passionate noises he was hearing in his own head. You managed to get the audience to completely be won over by Karen. Great job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2015
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Incredibly energetic for two people sitting down having a drink. I like the thought process ofvKaren. I also like the constant reminder for Mark, of the passionate noises he was hearing in his own head. You managed to get the audience to completely be won over by Karen. Great job. Gretchen
Comment Written 24-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much, Gretchen. I shall be posting my last chapter for a while tomorrow because I've decided to use three chapters of 'The Bedford' for the new ending to 'let's talk Dirty' I hope you enjoy it! Alexis x
Comment from Walu Feral
GO YOU GOOD THING! G'day Alexis, I've been dreading this all day and what a great surprise it was. I am so happy she assaulted the pig as well so hopefully he'll keep his bigotted attitude to himself. Wish I had a six mate, brilliance, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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GO YOU GOOD THING! G'day Alexis, I've been dreading this all day and what a great surprise it was. I am so happy she assaulted the pig as well so hopefully he'll keep his bigotted attitude to himself. Wish I had a six mate, brilliance, cheers Fez
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Lol, you won't like Sunday's post then! Huge rethink re LTD, so it will be my last post for a while after that! Never mind, I shall keep going in the shadows! Alexis xxx
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Bravo! Love how Karen handled that. Mark sure is a jerk who knows nothing about how to deal with women. I have to wonder if he was one reason she turned to drink in the first place if he is this insensitive! :)
Worth seven stars, but the best I can do is six. :)
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Bravo! Love how Karen handled that. Mark sure is a jerk who knows nothing about how to deal with women. I have to wonder if he was one reason she turned to drink in the first place if he is this insensitive! :)
Worth seven stars, but the best I can do is six. :)
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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A very good point! Yes Mark put both feet in it. Never mind, I think it's time Karen had some fun now she's looking good and got her mojo back. She and Laura deserve it. Thank you so much for the shiny six. I know how precious they are at this time of the week especially. Alexis x
Comment from MelB
Well, Mark really messed that up. I'm not sure it could have gone too much worse for him. I love Karen's response and comments while on the phone. It doesn't look like they will be getting back together, unless he is an extremely good groveler.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Well, Mark really messed that up. I'm not sure it could have gone too much worse for him. I love Karen's response and comments while on the phone. It doesn't look like they will be getting back together, unless he is an extremely good groveler.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Karen's time with the chat line was good practice for situations like this! Yes grovelling might work, but Karen's going to have some fun now. Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
HAHAHAHA, I LOVED this chapter! Your Author's not was perfect! :-) You got me alright! I was hoping for a possible reconciliation. But this fits the way you've written it so I get it!
Great job! Good luck with jury duty.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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HAHAHAHA, I LOVED this chapter! Your Author's not was perfect! :-) You got me alright! I was hoping for a possible reconciliation. But this fits the way you've written it so I get it!
Great job! Good luck with jury duty.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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To be honest, it didn't turn out how I expected either. I was going to let them get back together and then half way through writing the chapter, my fingers (my muse?) took over, and before I knew it, the wine had been thrown in Marks face! I want her to have some more fun, that's all! Thank you so much for the fab six. I really appreciate it. Alexis x
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I have mixed feelings here. I feel for both of them.
He snapped her out of it and made her take a good look at herself. She woke up and got back her pride and fortitude making him take notice again. I don't like the throwing wine in his face in a public resturant. That is almost like spitting on someone which is the most disgusting thing I can think of. I honestly hope they can get the old magic back. I believe in Marriage. LOL xsx NAncy
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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I have mixed feelings here. I feel for both of them.
He snapped her out of it and made her take a good look at herself. She woke up and got back her pride and fortitude making him take notice again. I don't like the throwing wine in his face in a public resturant. That is almost like spitting on someone which is the most disgusting thing I can think of. I honestly hope they can get the old magic back. I believe in Marriage. LOL xsx NAncy
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Me too, Nancy. To be honest, it didn't turn out how I expected. I was going to let them get back together and then half way through writing the chapter, my fingers (my muse?) took over, and before I knew it, the wine had been thrown in Marks face! Never mind, it gives me plenty of opportunities to get Karen and Laura together for some escapades! Alexis x
Comment from jpduck
This was splendid; I loved it. It is so refreshing to read about a date that was arranged in hell rather than one accompanied by a choir of angels. It occurred to me that the thoughts in the heads of the two prospective buyers would make an entertaining short story. I would like to put it on my list of possibilities, if that's OK with you. But you have the prior claim, of course.
Some odds and ends: (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'The day he tried to show [perspective] *prospective* buyers around the house'
'had made them even in the 'having an affair' department' (I had to reread this several times before I understood it. I think the problem was the word 'even', which I was reading in the 'even if' sense. I would suggest that you change 'even' to 'quits').
'Her eyes were no longer smiling, her shoulders pushed back, and ramrod straight.' (At present, this sentence is confusing as , at first sight, it looks as if the 'no longer' applies to the pushed back shoulders as well. The remedy is to change the comma after 'smiling' to a semicolon, and insert 'were' after 'shoulders').
Adrian
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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This was splendid; I loved it. It is so refreshing to read about a date that was arranged in hell rather than one accompanied by a choir of angels. It occurred to me that the thoughts in the heads of the two prospective buyers would make an entertaining short story. I would like to put it on my list of possibilities, if that's OK with you. But you have the prior claim, of course.
Some odds and ends: (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'The day he tried to show [perspective] *prospective* buyers around the house'
'had made them even in the 'having an affair' department' (I had to reread this several times before I understood it. I think the problem was the word 'even', which I was reading in the 'even if' sense. I would suggest that you change 'even' to 'quits').
'Her eyes were no longer smiling, her shoulders pushed back, and ramrod straight.' (At present, this sentence is confusing as , at first sight, it looks as if the 'no longer' applies to the pushed back shoulders as well. The remedy is to change the comma after 'smiling' to a semicolon, and insert 'were' after 'shoulders').
Adrian
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Lol, it could have been angels, in fact I meant it to be angels, but the devil in me took over at the last minute. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for your splendid and incredibly helpful review. Alexis x
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Oh! You're familiar with that devil as well, are you?
Adrian
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I certainly am! No sooner have I come up with an idea that I know will please 90 persent of fanstorians, a little devil in me goes 'sod it' Lets shock them instead. It might not make me popular, but its great fun!
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I certainly am! No sooner have I come up with an idea that I know will please 90 percent of fanstorians, a little devil in me goes 'sod it,' lets shock them instead. It might not make me popular, but its great fun!
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Excellent chapter, Alexis. This is six worthy and I'm fresh out!
Love how you paint Mark. He has a knack for being a twit:
'And what about us?' he asked, his need to ask the question making it tumble from his lips like an impatient child. 'Can you see us working things out?'
AND
"You're a beautiful woman, and if you can't forgive me, I'm sure you would have guys queuing up. I just don't want to see you make a fool of yourself, that's all.'"
Really? This guy is a tool.
Love how Karen had a Plan B. Well done, Alexis!
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Excellent chapter, Alexis. This is six worthy and I'm fresh out!
Love how you paint Mark. He has a knack for being a twit:
'And what about us?' he asked, his need to ask the question making it tumble from his lips like an impatient child. 'Can you see us working things out?'
AND
"You're a beautiful woman, and if you can't forgive me, I'm sure you would have guys queuing up. I just don't want to see you make a fool of yourself, that's all.'"
Really? This guy is a tool.
Love how Karen had a Plan B. Well done, Alexis!
Comment Written 21-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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To be honest, it didn't turn out how I expected either. I was going to let them get back together and then half way through writing the chapter, my fingers (my muse?) took over, and before I knew it, the wine had been thrown in Marks face! Your thoughts for a six are really appreciated. Thank you! Alexis x
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I know what you mean! I love it when my muse does whatever the hell she wants to. Usually makes for a better story.
