The Wonder
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "God Sided"miscellaneous poems
54 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
A modern, abstract poem filled with a kaleidoscope of images and words. The voice is distinct, poetic and abrasive with a bit of humor. I also enjoyed the John Henry and Ssmpson reference. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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A modern, abstract poem filled with a kaleidoscope of images and words. The voice is distinct, poetic and abrasive with a bit of humor. I also enjoyed the John Henry and Ssmpson reference. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Hey Cat...-smile- Well if you cant find the humor in cold blooded murder, you're not a Conroe Baptist...-wink-...yes I become one with song...and swung. -shouldershrug-...stuff happens....love Michael
Comment from Joan E.
"God sided" as in broadsided? Thank you for sharing your ballad--will you set it to music? I particularly liked the references to "lightning" and "thunder" plus your including your name and the repeat of "sledgehammer". Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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"God sided" as in broadsided? Thank you for sharing your ballad--will you set it to music? I particularly liked the references to "lightning" and "thunder" plus your including your name and the repeat of "sledgehammer". Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Hello cupcake...-smile- good morning to you. thank you....the song did something wrong to me I'm afraid...I am...please hold me...hugs?....love bug
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I'm sorry--I hoped writing it would bring some solace. Know that my hugs are always embracing you--here are extras to keep you safe. Holding on tightly- Joan
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Big love
Comment from Gloria ....
Yowza, this is a powerful poem, reconciled even though I wouldn't even begin interpretate (I made that word up, but it's a good one don't you think?) the entirety of your poem, at least not without a few more reads. And Joe Bonamassa, my land I just got turned on to his music and it is wonderful.
So much powerful imagery, wool faux and the broken soul. Clever and very subtle rhyming too. A sledgehammer is a powerful tool. Love the ending with an ominous message in favour of truth. I'm a big fan of the truth too.
Nicely done, my friend.
Gloria
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Yowza, this is a powerful poem, reconciled even though I wouldn't even begin interpretate (I made that word up, but it's a good one don't you think?) the entirety of your poem, at least not without a few more reads. And Joe Bonamassa, my land I just got turned on to his music and it is wonderful.
So much powerful imagery, wool faux and the broken soul. Clever and very subtle rhyming too. A sledgehammer is a powerful tool. Love the ending with an ominous message in favour of truth. I'm a big fan of the truth too.
Nicely done, my friend.
Gloria
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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you know he was considered geek as a kid...till he picked up that guitar....lol...wow...just shut up and be star struck...- thanks Gloria....I've been very busy I used to do this ahh for mind release I guess...I wrote this listening to the song...made me thing of a dear departed soul. I fixed it got home about seven....you see all them 'experts" that write I did in third grade shark feed....damn amazing spent three years or so putting out real....and look at the feel...-smile-...Bravo sweet Lady...I know you own your own...thanks....love Michael
Comment from c_lucas
The Legend of John Henry is solidly founded in American folk lore. This is very well written, with very good imagery. There is little room for improvement.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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The Legend of John Henry is solidly founded in American folk lore. This is very well written, with very good imagery. There is little room for improvement.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Ahhh thanks Charlie...but there was...and I did....just got home.....thanks Champ...love Michael
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You're welcome, Michael. Charlie
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Poem drew reader's interest and held it well. Action easy to follow. Story line good. Descriptive language used well. Write on.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Poem drew reader's interest and held it well. Action easy to follow. Story line good. Descriptive language used well. Write on.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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well thanks...-smile- but its better now,,love Bug
Comment from Bill Schott
I am able to get into the feeling of the poem with the aid of Bonomassa's music and power. That's a good touch and helpful. Happy day.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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I am able to get into the feeling of the poem with the aid of Bonomassa's music and power. That's a good touch and helpful. Happy day.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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hey Bill thanks for being kind...I fixed it a bit been busy...needed to release....like damn junkie or something...-headshake- later....love Bug
Comment from mountainwriter49
Hello, Michael,
It's good to see one of your poems on the front page and to have time to read and review it. I'm generally well behind in this endeavor.
Your poem has a great deal of strength and darkness blended into its lines. Phrases such as: 'evil rehearsed,' 'Herculean on mean,' 'sledge manner's swing,' 'live ugly,' 'shackled Sampson,' etc. I also see a silver lining of faith emerge in some of the lines: 'divine providence,' and 'archangel,' for example.
While I can feel these emotions, I have trouble putting them together into what you're actually trying to say. What is your message? The absence of commas, even minimally so, leave me confused because of the run-on phrasing. For example, the following line:
you wrote:
you hear me wanna-be...
This reads as an open-ended question of you wanting to be something, but the phrase, sentence, is not completed, and thus the whatever it is you 'wanna be' is left wanting for the reader to understand.
On the other hand, if it were written like this:
you hear me[,] wanna-be...
This takes the tone of dialogue of where you are addressing the person you refer to as "you'll feel ...." in line two of the stanza. You're accusing this person of being a 'wanna-be...' For me, this is what I think you're trying to say, but then again, I'm not sure.
Thus, my confusion at this and several other areas in the poem.
I did notice several minor SPAGs as follows:
thunder[']s shock
archangel is one word, not two
my name[']s Michael
Respectfully,
Ray
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Hello, Michael,
It's good to see one of your poems on the front page and to have time to read and review it. I'm generally well behind in this endeavor.
Your poem has a great deal of strength and darkness blended into its lines. Phrases such as: 'evil rehearsed,' 'Herculean on mean,' 'sledge manner's swing,' 'live ugly,' 'shackled Sampson,' etc. I also see a silver lining of faith emerge in some of the lines: 'divine providence,' and 'archangel,' for example.
While I can feel these emotions, I have trouble putting them together into what you're actually trying to say. What is your message? The absence of commas, even minimally so, leave me confused because of the run-on phrasing. For example, the following line:
you wrote:
you hear me wanna-be...
This reads as an open-ended question of you wanting to be something, but the phrase, sentence, is not completed, and thus the whatever it is you 'wanna be' is left wanting for the reader to understand.
On the other hand, if it were written like this:
you hear me[,] wanna-be...
This takes the tone of dialogue of where you are addressing the person you refer to as "you'll feel ...." in line two of the stanza. You're accusing this person of being a 'wanna-be...' For me, this is what I think you're trying to say, but then again, I'm not sure.
Thus, my confusion at this and several other areas in the poem.
I did notice several minor SPAGs as follows:
thunder[']s shock
archangel is one word, not two
my name[']s Michael
Respectfully,
Ray
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Well I was expecting you to jump on board ray.....I know your no fan,,,,,so tell why bother me
Comment from TAB_that's me
skin and bone broken soul - that is quite deep and powerful Michael, as is the whole poem. Deep and dark and powerful.
teresa
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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skin and bone broken soul - that is quite deep and powerful Michael, as is the whole poem. Deep and dark and powerful.
teresa
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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yes well...i am that too...thank you Teresa....love bug-
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
John Henry's hammer and famed swing crossed with the warrior himself, Archangel Michael.
Great imagery in this piece throughout. I am not sure it flows as smoothly as it could. It builds roughly and smooths out, kind of like the swing, so that works!
Alliteration and word choice good. What's not to like?
GMG
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Hi there,
John Henry's hammer and famed swing crossed with the warrior himself, Archangel Michael.
Great imagery in this piece throughout. I am not sure it flows as smoothly as it could. It builds roughly and smooths out, kind of like the swing, so that works!
Alliteration and word choice good. What's not to like?
GMG
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Hello Man...-smile- yea well something similar...appreciate you enjoying....love michael
Comment from Kingsland
I got the full thrust of the thoughts you were putting forth here. But your first two stanzas were a bit rough in the way they read. I stumbled over them and needed to reread them to see if it was me or the way you wrote them. The second was just as rough for me. This poem is good, but I think it would be better if you worked on those first two stanzas. I enjoyed reading this piece of poetry, but I do think it needs some work to bring it up to a five star piece. I still enjoyed reading it... John
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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I got the full thrust of the thoughts you were putting forth here. But your first two stanzas were a bit rough in the way they read. I stumbled over them and needed to reread them to see if it was me or the way you wrote them. The second was just as rough for me. This poem is good, but I think it would be better if you worked on those first two stanzas. I enjoyed reading this piece of poetry, but I do think it needs some work to bring it up to a five star piece. I still enjoyed reading it... John
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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It's you John ...trust me....thanks for spending your dime
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You don't take critical analysis very well at all. No one is perfect and we all can be better poets then we think we are. One who is not willing to learn and get better, never will. Humbleness is a good thing to have in this life. A wise man knows he can do better and be better in the way he accepts criticism...
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put it in a poem John
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Your reply to my remarks was to put it in a poem.
Those that don't admit to their own mistakes are doomed to repeat them...
That's not a poem, it the truth...
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its history John...what can you teach me...lets go....I'm listening intently-
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Read my original review again about your first two stanzas, enough said...
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john...I'm a busy poetry junkie....I don't always have the time to blow you away....-wink-...we have to accept the average with the extraordinary at times...all times...you see what I'm saying-...-wink-...look I'm over it john...have a great night...lock the doors for Christ sake-
