A Memoir
Just a memory long gone46 total reviews
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Ulla,
I can't help but wonder what size the boots were. It's hard to imagine a tiny pair that would fit an infant.
This is a lovely slice-of-life which held my interest from start to finish.
By way of critique: you repeated the term suffice to say. I think it loses its impact. Also, and this may just be a FS glitch, but the spacing is off in the 8th pg. I don't know if you meant to make it two paragraphs.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Hi Ulla,
I can't help but wonder what size the boots were. It's hard to imagine a tiny pair that would fit an infant.
This is a lovely slice-of-life which held my interest from start to finish.
By way of critique: you repeated the term suffice to say. I think it loses its impact. Also, and this may just be a FS glitch, but the spacing is off in the 8th pg. I don't know if you meant to make it two paragraphs.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much. I'll have a look. Most helpful. ulla
Comment from alf collier
Hi Ulla. A very moving story and one that is told with good flow and held my attention. I too, believe some people remember events from a very young age, and those boots were probably the trigger for that memory. Loved the story, alf
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Hi Ulla. A very moving story and one that is told with good flow and held my attention. I too, believe some people remember events from a very young age, and those boots were probably the trigger for that memory. Loved the story, alf
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much. Very enouraging. I am glad you liked it. Ulla
Comment from Ekim777
Memories make the stuff of good writing. But a wise man once said: " the mind is made up of the past. But the past is dead so our minds are dead. And that is the tragedy of our lives. Where are our memories? They are stored up in our minds. Anyway, I suppose we need to walk a hundred miles in your shoes to really be able to empathize with you.
-Ekim777
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Memories make the stuff of good writing. But a wise man once said: " the mind is made up of the past. But the past is dead so our minds are dead. And that is the tragedy of our lives. Where are our memories? They are stored up in our minds. Anyway, I suppose we need to walk a hundred miles in your shoes to really be able to empathize with you.
-Ekim777
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much. Ulla
Comment from Jennpenn
This is a good start to an interesting life. You need to tighten things up a bit though. You could relay the story in about half the length without losing anything. In fact, it would make your story stronger. I would take the following paragraph out:
Some would call them memoirs, some would call them memories, The latter being, if you are more down to earth I think and maybe more the way that I would say it. Who knows, it still comes down to the same thing. A memory that is. It is maybe long forgotten only to be triggered by an incident, a stray remark or a gesture by an innocent bystander.
People know the difference between a memoir and memories. This long-winded observation halts the story right at the start, before you even get a chance to share it. Start with..."I was born at the start..."
Take out extraneous words. We get the idea that your memories are hazy because you were so young. The walls in the room were olive green. Got it! Taking a really long time to get to the heart of the story is merely distracting to readers in a world such as ours--full of TV, social media, etc. We all have a touch of ADD, and are impatient to get on with it!
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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This is a good start to an interesting life. You need to tighten things up a bit though. You could relay the story in about half the length without losing anything. In fact, it would make your story stronger. I would take the following paragraph out:
Some would call them memoirs, some would call them memories, The latter being, if you are more down to earth I think and maybe more the way that I would say it. Who knows, it still comes down to the same thing. A memory that is. It is maybe long forgotten only to be triggered by an incident, a stray remark or a gesture by an innocent bystander.
People know the difference between a memoir and memories. This long-winded observation halts the story right at the start, before you even get a chance to share it. Start with..."I was born at the start..."
Take out extraneous words. We get the idea that your memories are hazy because you were so young. The walls in the room were olive green. Got it! Taking a really long time to get to the heart of the story is merely distracting to readers in a world such as ours--full of TV, social media, etc. We all have a touch of ADD, and are impatient to get on with it!
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thanks a lot. I take your point of view. Ulla
Comment from Brabazon
I picked interest in this because I am writing a memoir, "Second Hand Emotions," myself.
Memoirs are interesting because they are mostly about the past. Regardless of which side they fall, whether good or evil, there is always something interesting about memoirs. In your story, the most striking thing about it is the courage you have to talk about the fact that you were adopted. To me, it isn't whether you can remember or not remembers things enough to get people to believe what you are saying. It is your story and people can take them or leave them.
It was warming reading this part of your past.
I don't know, but you may want to check these for typos:
wouldn't have (BE) able to recognize that
earth(-)shattering
Thank you so much, for helping to build my confidence to help me in what i am writing.
Brabazon.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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I picked interest in this because I am writing a memoir, "Second Hand Emotions," myself.
Memoirs are interesting because they are mostly about the past. Regardless of which side they fall, whether good or evil, there is always something interesting about memoirs. In your story, the most striking thing about it is the courage you have to talk about the fact that you were adopted. To me, it isn't whether you can remember or not remembers things enough to get people to believe what you are saying. It is your story and people can take them or leave them.
It was warming reading this part of your past.
I don't know, but you may want to check these for typos:
wouldn't have (BE) able to recognize that
earth(-)shattering
Thank you so much, for helping to build my confidence to help me in what i am writing.
Brabazon.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Hi Brabazon, This is a great compliment you are paying me. I am so happy that I am able to build your confidence. At the same time you are building mine. Thanks for that. Ulla
Comment from K. Lorraine
This was a heart felt and poignant memory...
I'm glad that I found it and it was just by chance.
I decided to read your memoir because I wrote one too and I was curious to see what others had written and how they interpreted the contest prompt.
I admire your courage to share such a private time in your life and I'm glad that you still have those boots...
Thanks for sharing a truly lovely story and best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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This was a heart felt and poignant memory...
I'm glad that I found it and it was just by chance.
I decided to read your memoir because I wrote one too and I was curious to see what others had written and how they interpreted the contest prompt.
I admire your courage to share such a private time in your life and I'm glad that you still have those boots...
Thanks for sharing a truly lovely story and best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much and for your very encouraging words. Ulla
Comment from fimarie78
Thank you for sharing this with us. How wonderful that you still have the boors :)
I was engrossed and enjoyed your vivid imagery. This is a lovely memory.m which obviously meant a lot to you.
best of luck in the contest
Fiona
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you for sharing this with us. How wonderful that you still have the boors :)
I was engrossed and enjoyed your vivid imagery. This is a lovely memory.m which obviously meant a lot to you.
best of luck in the contest
Fiona
Comment Written 22-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much and for your very nice words. Ulla
Comment from Wabigoon
Ulla--
Well done! Nice memory. Certainly you have what it takes to write a book!
A couple of "spags," an unfortunate word I hate.
"Now you will be impatient to know what that memory is." I think you need a question mark here - yes? It is a question.
And:
"Then something drastical" I'm not sure there's a word "drastical" but if there is you don't need it - drastic will do don't you think?
Thanks, enjoyed it.
Wabigoon
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Ulla--
Well done! Nice memory. Certainly you have what it takes to write a book!
A couple of "spags," an unfortunate word I hate.
"Now you will be impatient to know what that memory is." I think you need a question mark here - yes? It is a question.
And:
"Then something drastical" I'm not sure there's a word "drastical" but if there is you don't need it - drastic will do don't you think?
Thanks, enjoyed it.
Wabigoon
Comment Written 21-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Thanks a lotfor your review and I agree. I have ammended. Ulla
Comment from Dean Kuch
This as a beautiful, very tender and touching story about a memoir from your past, Ulla. It illustrates perfectly ho much those who have so little truly do appreciate the little things they're given. To have come from such a tumultuous early upbringing can have only served to make you the exceptionally strong, incredible woman you are today.
Wonderfully written, I truly enjoyed reading this. Good luck in your contest...~Dean
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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This as a beautiful, very tender and touching story about a memoir from your past, Ulla. It illustrates perfectly ho much those who have so little truly do appreciate the little things they're given. To have come from such a tumultuous early upbringing can have only served to make you the exceptionally strong, incredible woman you are today.
Wonderfully written, I truly enjoyed reading this. Good luck in your contest...~Dean
Comment Written 21-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Hi Dean, thank you so much. I am glad you liked it. It is a memory that will stay with me forever. Ulla
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No doubt. You're very welcome, Ulla...
Comment from Tatarka2
I related to this story, as I was also adopted, in 1947. I thank you for sharing this part of your life. Alfred Adler said that a person's attitude toward life is shaped by his or her first memory. How wonderful that, in spite of the circumstances surrounding your having been in an orphanage, what you take from it is the treasure given to you by your adoptive parents. I'll bet this sense of optimism and gratitude has served you very well as you've progressed through life. I look forward to seeing what else you'll write.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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I related to this story, as I was also adopted, in 1947. I thank you for sharing this part of your life. Alfred Adler said that a person's attitude toward life is shaped by his or her first memory. How wonderful that, in spite of the circumstances surrounding your having been in an orphanage, what you take from it is the treasure given to you by your adoptive parents. I'll bet this sense of optimism and gratitude has served you very well as you've progressed through life. I look forward to seeing what else you'll write.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much for your very kind words. Ulla
