Littoral
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Broken Breaker"Poems about the coastline
20 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate. You are very good at this writing caper mate. Crikey, that was a good yarn. I know nothing about the form but I can say that it is a rivetting read. Living on an island that gets 26 or so typhoons that make landfall each year I hear and see where you are coming from. Well done Sir, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2015
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G'day mate. You are very good at this writing caper mate. Crikey, that was a good yarn. I know nothing about the form but I can say that it is a rivetting read. Living on an island that gets 26 or so typhoons that make landfall each year I hear and see where you are coming from. Well done Sir, cheers Fez
Comment Written 19-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2015
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Thank you for your for your review and heartfelt response. 26 Typhoons! Blimey! How long is the Typhoon season?
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Usually from October to March, but officially October to May. But then we have earthquakes as well, we had a small one last month, 5.4. I'm a bloody thrill seeker, moved from Cyclone country in Australia where we get 5 each year to here lOL
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You are what we used to call in the Royal Marines: "a bugger for punishment!"
Comment from Bill Schott
Wow! So wish I had a six for this. I owe you one. Here's a virtual six (V6) for now. The descriptions of the mighty waves and their power is mesmerizing. Your word choices, alliteration, and choice of presentation all work together to create a vivid capture of this super scene. I learned a word as well...equinoctial. Super read!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2015
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Wow! So wish I had a six for this. I owe you one. Here's a virtual six (V6) for now. The descriptions of the mighty waves and their power is mesmerizing. Your word choices, alliteration, and choice of presentation all work together to create a vivid capture of this super scene. I learned a word as well...equinoctial. Super read!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2015
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Many thanks for your great and generous review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Gloria ....
Pantygynt, wonderfully written blank verse, in flawless meter. Here I am the new old kid on the block so I have a question: What kind of form is it to open and close with similar, well almost identical lines?
I'm such a greenhorn with all the poetic forms, I thought the sonnet and haiku was all there were? That's a bit of exaggeration, but just a bit.
Excellent use of consonance and assonance making this spring to life in the ear and on the tongue when read out loud. Love the fodder for photographers captured in a shutter's click rolls out oh so eloquently.
Awesome, even though I feel ill-equipped to provide a thorough review to such a great poem. But, I'm willing to learn.
Super job!
Gloria
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Pantygynt, wonderfully written blank verse, in flawless meter. Here I am the new old kid on the block so I have a question: What kind of form is it to open and close with similar, well almost identical lines?
I'm such a greenhorn with all the poetic forms, I thought the sonnet and haiku was all there were? That's a bit of exaggeration, but just a bit.
Excellent use of consonance and assonance making this spring to life in the ear and on the tongue when read out loud. Love the fodder for photographers captured in a shutter's click rolls out oh so eloquently.
Awesome, even though I feel ill-equipped to provide a thorough review to such a great poem. But, I'm willing to learn.
Super job!
Gloria
Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Oh, Gloria, you honey! What a lovely review. Many thanks. There's no one established form that begins and ends similarly, but any form that uses that device is generally regarded as being "circular". I did it here in imitation of the undertow that rushes back to join the front of the next wave where the whole thing happens again. In response to another reader I am going to make a couple of minor changes but nothing that will upset you I'm certain. Hang on in there gal! There are loads more forms to come!
Comment from emrpoems
Good rhythm and meter
Good descriptive language that creates vivid imagery.
Nice bits of alliteration
Awesome presentation
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Good rhythm and meter
Good descriptive language that creates vivid imagery.
Nice bits of alliteration
Awesome presentation
Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from kiwisteveh
An impressive piece of free verse description, You are right, the iambic meter perfectly captures the wave action, pounding against the solid rock.
There are one or two places where the final stressed syllable in a line seems a little weak, letting down that last thud. 'destructively' in line 2 is a good example - it doesn't sound quite natural to accent heavily the -ly ending. You could move that word to the front of the line perhaps, or consider a change of wording.
Powerful word choice (too many to mention) adds to the grandeur of the piece.
Steve
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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An impressive piece of free verse description, You are right, the iambic meter perfectly captures the wave action, pounding against the solid rock.
There are one or two places where the final stressed syllable in a line seems a little weak, letting down that last thud. 'destructively' in line 2 is a good example - it doesn't sound quite natural to accent heavily the -ly ending. You could move that word to the front of the line perhaps, or consider a change of wording.
Powerful word choice (too many to mention) adds to the grandeur of the piece.
Steve
Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Many thanks for your searching review. I'll look again at "destructively" but I needed it to balance "inconsequentially" at the other end of the poem just before the full circle has turned, if you see what I am getting at.
Comment from valerieellis
Beautifully written! I enjoyed the imagery you used and the art work definitely added to the power and beauty of this poem. Thank you for sharing :)
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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Beautifully written! I enjoyed the imagery you used and the art work definitely added to the power and beauty of this poem. Thank you for sharing :)
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Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. Was there something that needed attention that justified the 4 out of five5? You didn't mention it.
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The only suggestion I have is possibly separating the stanzas so there is not such an overload of words and lines, making it easier to follow. Again, great job!
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I looked again and came to the conclusion that it would be better broken up a bit. If you have the time, take a quick look now. Do you think it improved? Whatever, I would like to thank you for bringing it to my attention.
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Yes! I suffer from ADHD and brain trauma (comprehending and following along) so this definitely helps. Great job :)
Comment from TAB_that's me
Your sea poems are very powerful - like the sea itself. I enjoy the imagery you create. I like 'shutter's click'. Great job.
teresa
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Your sea poems are very powerful - like the sea itself. I enjoy the imagery you create. I like 'shutter's click'. Great job.
teresa
Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Thank you Teresa for reading and reviewing. You were quick off the mark this time. It's only just been posted.
Comment from benoenose
Why this destructive elements of natural calamities, the author questions within the poem. Moreover, he gives us the real picture of the dangerous waves. So touching the senses and fear creeps of the readers mind.
Nature is so cruel to attack and even the moon participates. A naturalistic poet. Read for those concerned about climate change and natural calamities.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Why this destructive elements of natural calamities, the author questions within the poem. Moreover, he gives us the real picture of the dangerous waves. So touching the senses and fear creeps of the readers mind.
Nature is so cruel to attack and even the moon participates. A naturalistic poet. Read for those concerned about climate change and natural calamities.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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You've picked it all up. Many thanks for this review.
Comment from kiwijenny
I love your ocean poems I love this description of the seventh wave
And the granite wall that left the craft safe
Well penned...I loved it
God bless
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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I love your ocean poems I love this description of the seventh wave
And the granite wall that left the craft safe
Well penned...I loved it
God bless
Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Thanks Jenny, complimentary as usual.
Comment from Ben Colder
During the ride, I was recalling the moment when scientists were exploring on PBS how a small earth quake below the ocean can trigger a massive wave that travels for miles and rushes inland. You did well with this story poem. Thanks for sharing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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During the ride, I was recalling the moment when scientists were exploring on PBS how a small earth quake below the ocean can trigger a massive wave that travels for miles and rushes inland. You did well with this story poem. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.
