Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "New Beginnings"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
22 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I am not a fan of supernatural fiction, but your descriptions and characters are compelling. Thanks for letting me know about the four regions of New Berwick, Illinois as well, plus adding the perfect, fantastical artwork. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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I am not a fan of supernatural fiction, but your descriptions and characters are compelling. Thanks for letting me know about the four regions of New Berwick, Illinois as well, plus adding the perfect, fantastical artwork. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 17-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Well, thank you, Joan. I'm flattered that you were interested in my story enough to read it, although you only earned two cents. I really appreciate you as a reviewer.
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Oh, I don't worry about the currency--I enjoy reading a variety of genres but focus on poetry. Write on and continue sharing! -Joan
Comment from jaeladarling
No way that kids is back to normal that easy. Wonder what the doc has to say. Can't wait to read more - good work on this one!
A few suggestions:
"Doors flew open--one facing his van, the others blocked two of the three lanes." ("Doors flew open, one facing his van, the others blocking two of the three lanes." OR "Doors flew open; one faced his van, and the others blocked two of the three lanes.")
Get your ass down. Now!" (Open the quote)
"each shouted--their faces flushed their eyes wild" ("each shouted, their faces flushed and their eyes wild")
"eating a cookie and had several medical personnel" ("eating a cookie with several medical personnel")
"Oh, yes of course, Mr. and Mrs. Sooner," Russell is (Remove the second quotation mark)
"she said pointing." (Comma after "said")
"They ran down the hall where they" (Comma after "hall")
"the room where Russell sat side saddled" ("the room, where Russell sat side-saddled")
"filled with blue Jays. The other, a painting" ("filled with blue Jays; the other, a painting" OR "filled with blue Jays. The other showed a painting")
"the third time, watched" (No comma)
"grabbed him, smothered him with hugs and kisses--tears flowing" ("grabbed him and smothered him with hugs and kisses, tears flowing")
"she said smiling and" (Comma after "said")
"Dwayne stepped back, but gave" (No comma)
"been harmed in anyway." ("any way")
"with his fist, and glared" (No comma)
Wayne said, turning to Matthew, "Don't leave town." (Wayne said, turning to Matthew. "Don't leave town." OR Wayne said, turning to Matthew, "don't leave town.")
"Turning back to Dwayne he said," (Comma after "Dwayne")
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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No way that kids is back to normal that easy. Wonder what the doc has to say. Can't wait to read more - good work on this one!
A few suggestions:
"Doors flew open--one facing his van, the others blocked two of the three lanes." ("Doors flew open, one facing his van, the others blocking two of the three lanes." OR "Doors flew open; one faced his van, and the others blocked two of the three lanes.")
Get your ass down. Now!" (Open the quote)
"each shouted--their faces flushed their eyes wild" ("each shouted, their faces flushed and their eyes wild")
"eating a cookie and had several medical personnel" ("eating a cookie with several medical personnel")
"Oh, yes of course, Mr. and Mrs. Sooner," Russell is (Remove the second quotation mark)
"she said pointing." (Comma after "said")
"They ran down the hall where they" (Comma after "hall")
"the room where Russell sat side saddled" ("the room, where Russell sat side-saddled")
"filled with blue Jays. The other, a painting" ("filled with blue Jays; the other, a painting" OR "filled with blue Jays. The other showed a painting")
"the third time, watched" (No comma)
"grabbed him, smothered him with hugs and kisses--tears flowing" ("grabbed him and smothered him with hugs and kisses, tears flowing")
"she said smiling and" (Comma after "said")
"Dwayne stepped back, but gave" (No comma)
"been harmed in anyway." ("any way")
"with his fist, and glared" (No comma)
Wayne said, turning to Matthew, "Don't leave town." (Wayne said, turning to Matthew. "Don't leave town." OR Wayne said, turning to Matthew, "don't leave town.")
"Turning back to Dwayne he said," (Comma after "Dwayne")
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you very much for stopping by and for these corrections.
Comment from LeannaP
Hi there,
I'm not sure where you received your inspiration to write about this
particular subject, but I really liked the way in which you wrote it.
The subject reminded me of the very present and dire nature of the
country right now. This whole idea of "hands up, don't shoot"
idea jumped out at me when I read the line;
"Keep your right hand where I can see it and unlock the door with your left hand, now!" Dwayne shouted, pushing the gun closer to Matthew's face.
It gave me this idea of police brutality and the ways in which people
react when they are face to face with ppolice.
Great job for getting me to think "outside the box" even though this is not the theme of your particular story.
Good Luck in your writing endeavors.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Hi there,
I'm not sure where you received your inspiration to write about this
particular subject, but I really liked the way in which you wrote it.
The subject reminded me of the very present and dire nature of the
country right now. This whole idea of "hands up, don't shoot"
idea jumped out at me when I read the line;
"Keep your right hand where I can see it and unlock the door with your left hand, now!" Dwayne shouted, pushing the gun closer to Matthew's face.
It gave me this idea of police brutality and the ways in which people
react when they are face to face with ppolice.
Great job for getting me to think "outside the box" even though this is not the theme of your particular story.
Good Luck in your writing endeavors.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much, LeannaP. And I wrote this long before I posted or the riots. Wow, now when I read it, it's so scary. Smile. So glad you liked it. Please read me again sometimes. And I'll read you also.
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you are so welcome.Ill go ahead and review more of your work now. And feel free to do the same;) happy writing.
Leanna
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for the pleasure of reading another fine chapter that gives us some excitement, and then lets our minds play detective, knowing that there isn't any way to make charges without any evidence. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
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Thanks for the pleasure of reading another fine chapter that gives us some excitement, and then lets our minds play detective, knowing that there isn't any way to make charges without any evidence. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
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thank you, Ric.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is a very interesting post about the dark arts and sorcery that the author has created with this piece of work. I can see no errors or room for improvement. I haven't been following this story, but it sounds interesting.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
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This is a very interesting post about the dark arts and sorcery that the author has created with this piece of work. I can see no errors or room for improvement. I haven't been following this story, but it sounds interesting.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
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thank you.
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My pleasure
Comment from forestport12
"Jack the Ripper lose in a whorehouse." Classic. I love how you painted the scene, the right tempo and movement was critical. Not too slow, not too fast. You write descriptions and characters with so much confidence, it shows. Stan
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
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"Jack the Ripper lose in a whorehouse." Classic. I love how you painted the scene, the right tempo and movement was critical. Not too slow, not too fast. You write descriptions and characters with so much confidence, it shows. Stan
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
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Oh, thank you, my dear. I miss your writing.I'm so glad you liked it and choose to keep up.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Harriett. Wonderul chapter...Lots of excitement boiling here. That's a good thing. great descriptions and imagery throughout:
Like: "Matthew turned the key, but left it in the ignition. He kept his eyes on the deputy in his side mirror and slowly clicked off his seatbelt. Dwayne eased up to the driver's window and motioned with his gun. "Keep your hands where I can see them." Matthew placed his hands on the steering wheel."
And: "There was a long pause. Dwayne studied Wayne's face. Matthew scooted around in his chair and swallowed hard. Wayne stared at Matthew then sucked his teeth and said, "Let him go."
Suggestion: ". Doors flew opened (doors flew open, you mean?)
Outstanding writing, Harriett. Bob
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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Hi, Harriett. Wonderul chapter...Lots of excitement boiling here. That's a good thing. great descriptions and imagery throughout:
Like: "Matthew turned the key, but left it in the ignition. He kept his eyes on the deputy in his side mirror and slowly clicked off his seatbelt. Dwayne eased up to the driver's window and motioned with his gun. "Keep your hands where I can see them." Matthew placed his hands on the steering wheel."
And: "There was a long pause. Dwayne studied Wayne's face. Matthew scooted around in his chair and swallowed hard. Wayne stared at Matthew then sucked his teeth and said, "Let him go."
Suggestion: ". Doors flew opened (doors flew open, you mean?)
Outstanding writing, Harriett. Bob
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Bob. I'll make that correction.
Comment from Ulla
Well written and it kept my attention throughout. I am admitting, as I have done before that I am not into Supernatural fiction, but that doesn't mean I don't like what I read.I am actually looking forward to read more. Well done. Ulla
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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Well written and it kept my attention throughout. I am admitting, as I have done before that I am not into Supernatural fiction, but that doesn't mean I don't like what I read.I am actually looking forward to read more. Well done. Ulla
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much, Ulla. I'm so flattered that my writing has caused you to venture out into the supernatural. Blessings, my friend.
Comment from thee-name
Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Writing was interesting.
The Ford Explorer rounded the curve then picked up speed.
The staff broke and shattered in multiple directions. Wayne stormed into his office and slammed the door so hard, a picture of the mayor
slid off the wall.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Writing was interesting.
The Ford Explorer rounded the curve then picked up speed.
The staff broke and shattered in multiple directions. Wayne stormed into his office and slammed the door so hard, a picture of the mayor
slid off the wall.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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Thank you very much.
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thank you!
Comment from royowen
How did they ever get the Sooner boy back, unharmed and untouched, and he doesn't remember anything, the police guy Wayne told Dwayne to let Matthew to go, because they simply didn't have anything against him. Loving this imaginative series Amahra, good reading, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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How did they ever get the Sooner boy back, unharmed and untouched, and he doesn't remember anything, the police guy Wayne told Dwayne to let Matthew to go, because they simply didn't have anything against him. Loving this imaginative series Amahra, good reading, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much, roy. I'm glad you're loving this story.
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Most welcome,
