Littoral
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Low Water Springs"Poems about the coastline
21 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
and so it's begun... my journey into the tides...
into the sea, led by a Royal Marine guy... I'm finding it quite surreal...
Some lines which enchant:
'Six inches high, no more, the ripples glide
Across the furrowed beaches, cause no harm
But, moonbeam driven, fall back on the tide...'
'Their undulations dying with each plash,
As each impinges less upon the land.'
plash... i didn't even know it was a word until I looked it up... no kidding. I think that's two words you've already taught me... (I need to get out more)
I really like this... hell, there aren't enough sixes to go around... jeez
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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and so it's begun... my journey into the tides...
into the sea, led by a Royal Marine guy... I'm finding it quite surreal...
Some lines which enchant:
'Six inches high, no more, the ripples glide
Across the furrowed beaches, cause no harm
But, moonbeam driven, fall back on the tide...'
'Their undulations dying with each plash,
As each impinges less upon the land.'
plash... i didn't even know it was a word until I looked it up... no kidding. I think that's two words you've already taught me... (I need to get out more)
I really like this... hell, there aren't enough sixes to go around... jeez
Comment Written 05-May-2015
reply by the author on 06-May-2015
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So glad you're enjoying this experience. One reviewer ticked me off for a typo with plash - thought I had meant to write splash! I always think of a plash as a self-effacing splash. Don't worry as another of my FS fans says "I'm saving the sixes for the needy!"
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The needy? lol
That's funny!
I am not concerned, but I am very sure that you may get all of mine if I keep reading your work! lol
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You are lovely
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aw shucks... *blush*
Comment from BLACKDYKE
Brilliant once more Panty' you seem to have a liking for the edge of land. Just the opposite from 'the harbour wall' but just as beautifully expressed. I am going to run out of sixes at this rate! I seem to flit from one subject to another and never prove to be successful, but enjoy myself in the meantime. Eric
PS; it will have to be a fiver+1.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
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Brilliant once more Panty' you seem to have a liking for the edge of land. Just the opposite from 'the harbour wall' but just as beautifully expressed. I am going to run out of sixes at this rate! I seem to flit from one subject to another and never prove to be successful, but enjoy myself in the meantime. Eric
PS; it will have to be a fiver+1.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
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Thanks once again. I'm happy to settle for your five. One has to ration the sixes. I ran out quite early on mine last week.!
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No problem Panty' and I don't mind reviewing past works either, most interesting.
Comment from Treischel
The choice of the Sonnet format is an excellent one for the gentle ebb and flow of this presentation. Love the tidal imagery used: furrowed beaches, undulations dying with each plash(Splash?), jetsam delineated limit, vanquished wave. Lovely alliteration: foaming fractured, declares defeat, smooth sand, mere memory.The consonance of L rolls off the tongue in:
Delineated limit of their climb,
And
wild life to rock pool clings.
You painted a peaceful poetic portrait.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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The choice of the Sonnet format is an excellent one for the gentle ebb and flow of this presentation. Love the tidal imagery used: furrowed beaches, undulations dying with each plash(Splash?), jetsam delineated limit, vanquished wave. Lovely alliteration: foaming fractured, declares defeat, smooth sand, mere memory.The consonance of L rolls off the tongue in:
Delineated limit of their climb,
And
wild life to rock pool clings.
You painted a peaceful poetic portrait.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Thank you for that excellent review. Yes that's why I chose the sonnet form I wanted to start on a peaceful not. There'll be plenty of violence later!
Comment from Jean Lutz
I've never been able to spend a lot of seaside time, yet your words really spoke to my soul and I felt I was right there for low tide. I do become one with nature and live close enough to the Gulf that the rivers and streams have their own moods.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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I've never been able to spend a lot of seaside time, yet your words really spoke to my soul and I felt I was right there for low tide. I do become one with nature and live close enough to the Gulf that the rivers and streams have their own moods.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2015
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Thank you for that really pleasing comment and so I am glad to be able to fill your life with a vision with which you are not on everyday terms.
Comment from mfowler
As a sonnet writer myself, I must give you full marks for this evocative and beautiful piece. You have the structure and technical elements covered very well. The first two verses focus on a beach environment as the tides become less invasive and the tidepools and sand more exposed. I collected shells on the beach the other day and that image of ' undulations dying with each plash,
As each impinges less upon the land.' fitted what I observed perfectly. The volta is subtle, an almost 'thumbing of the nose' to the retreating waves as you declare them defeated. The final couplet has a refreshing, gentle feel as 'low water springs' are revealed. You use language very well to maintain a lyrical quality without creating a furry bundle of metaphors and similes that obscure what you're describing. I liked this verse a lot:
But their retreat from high tide's jetsam dark,
Delineated limit of their climb,
Declares defeat as, from the high tide mark,
Each vanquished wave breaks further out each time.
You've set a high standard with this. I look forwarding to reading more.
One suggestion:
fall back on the tide, ...I don't think this should be a comma as there is no clear enjambment between verses. The last word completes the verse perfectly.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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As a sonnet writer myself, I must give you full marks for this evocative and beautiful piece. You have the structure and technical elements covered very well. The first two verses focus on a beach environment as the tides become less invasive and the tidepools and sand more exposed. I collected shells on the beach the other day and that image of ' undulations dying with each plash,
As each impinges less upon the land.' fitted what I observed perfectly. The volta is subtle, an almost 'thumbing of the nose' to the retreating waves as you declare them defeated. The final couplet has a refreshing, gentle feel as 'low water springs' are revealed. You use language very well to maintain a lyrical quality without creating a furry bundle of metaphors and similes that obscure what you're describing. I liked this verse a lot:
But their retreat from high tide's jetsam dark,
Delineated limit of their climb,
Declares defeat as, from the high tide mark,
Each vanquished wave breaks further out each time.
You've set a high standard with this. I look forwarding to reading more.
One suggestion:
fall back on the tide, ...I don't think this should be a comma as there is no clear enjambment between verses. The last word completes the verse perfectly.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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Many thanks for your searching and complimentary review. It is particularly pleasing when a reviewer relates a piece of writing to an actual experience, as you have done. I have upgraided that comma to a semicolon. Thanks for pointing that out.
Comment from Sis Cat
A beautiful poem about low spring tide. Your well-selected words created beautiful images. You lines and rhymes flow smoothly as a wave. Seeing how you develop your littoral theme will be intriguing.
Take a look at "Hold and Let Go" by jlsavell. She also wrote an evocative poem about the ocean. The difference between the two poems is that jlsavell, using herself, puts the reader right there on the beach as an active participant of the immensity of the ocean, whereas in your poem I am a detached, passive observer watching a beautiful picture and hearing a knowledgeable lecture about spring tide when what I want and need is to feel myself on the beach. I reviewed both poems back to back and had initially thought her poem was yours. I am always amazed and thrilled how different poets see and experience the same theme differently.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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A beautiful poem about low spring tide. Your well-selected words created beautiful images. You lines and rhymes flow smoothly as a wave. Seeing how you develop your littoral theme will be intriguing.
Take a look at "Hold and Let Go" by jlsavell. She also wrote an evocative poem about the ocean. The difference between the two poems is that jlsavell, using herself, puts the reader right there on the beach as an active participant of the immensity of the ocean, whereas in your poem I am a detached, passive observer watching a beautiful picture and hearing a knowledgeable lecture about spring tide when what I want and need is to feel myself on the beach. I reviewed both poems back to back and had initially thought her poem was yours. I am always amazed and thrilled how different poets see and experience the same theme differently.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much for your interesting and informative review. I will definitely take a look at 'Hold and Let Go'.
Comment from Gloria ....
Wonderful sonnet, PG. Sigh ... I do so love the sonnet form, but that's neither here nor there.
Excellent imagery with sea calm but still working. The low spring tide guided by the new moon is a fascinating incursion onto land by the protagonist, Sea.
The couplet of the captured water in rock pools ushers in a peaceful mood to me. Something has remained besides only memories.
Super job!
Gloria
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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Wonderful sonnet, PG. Sigh ... I do so love the sonnet form, but that's neither here nor there.
Excellent imagery with sea calm but still working. The low spring tide guided by the new moon is a fascinating incursion onto land by the protagonist, Sea.
The couplet of the captured water in rock pools ushers in a peaceful mood to me. Something has remained besides only memories.
Super job!
Gloria
Comment Written 17-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much for your most kind review. I'm so glad it touched you.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate. This is a great way to start, it is very descriptive and the imagery is vivid. The flow and rhyme scheme is superb and I loved it. Your author notes are again very education and I thank you for that, as I'm sure many others will.
Can you do me a favor and incorporate the name of the poetry forms in your notes for each chapter please, so I can learn?
Well done, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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G'day mate. This is a great way to start, it is very descriptive and the imagery is vivid. The flow and rhyme scheme is superb and I loved it. Your author notes are again very education and I thank you for that, as I'm sure many others will.
Can you do me a favor and incorporate the name of the poetry forms in your notes for each chapter please, so I can learn?
Well done, cheers Fez
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2015
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Thank you Feral. I was going to do that with the notes anyway. What I'm trying to do here is match the content in some way to the form. I'll check on the two I've posted so far and see if the notes are adequate for your purpose.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-This is a very well written poem; I enjoyed reading it and learning something, too.
-You obviously know your subject, but share it in a very creative way.
-I like the artwork.
-Thanks for the author notes to help explain the poem.
-I like some of the expressions I am not familiar with, like "flat calm".
-Good alliteration with "foaming" "fractured" and "froth"
-The final couplet is a very nice conclusion.
-Good format and rhyme scheme.
-The poem flows very well.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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-This is a very well written poem; I enjoyed reading it and learning something, too.
-You obviously know your subject, but share it in a very creative way.
-I like the artwork.
-Thanks for the author notes to help explain the poem.
-I like some of the expressions I am not familiar with, like "flat calm".
-Good alliteration with "foaming" "fractured" and "froth"
-The final couplet is a very nice conclusion.
-Good format and rhyme scheme.
-The poem flows very well.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review. This being a global site we are constantly running into different and unfamiliar ways of expressing things becuse, although we may share the same language , it will have developed differently in our different countries and cultures. Thanks again, particularly for the sixth star.
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You are very welcome. I have learned from some others that the author notes are really important, even for things like explaining syllables of words. You are very deserving of the 6!
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Thanks alot
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello Pantgynt, Coming from the Jersey Shore, I enjoyed reading your poem, and I found it to be informative and to which I could relate. Of note:
But their retreat from high tide's jetsam dark,
Delineated limit of their climb,
Declares defeat as, from the high tide mark,
Each vanquished wave breaks further out each time.
(Good descriptive writing and vocabulary.)
And:
Its flood mere memory, low water springs.
(P, hopefully, all flood are just a memory.)
Great artwork choice which compliments and complements your poem. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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Hello Pantgynt, Coming from the Jersey Shore, I enjoyed reading your poem, and I found it to be informative and to which I could relate. Of note:
But their retreat from high tide's jetsam dark,
Delineated limit of their climb,
Declares defeat as, from the high tide mark,
Each vanquished wave breaks further out each time.
(Good descriptive writing and vocabulary.)
And:
Its flood mere memory, low water springs.
(P, hopefully, all flood are just a memory.)
Great artwork choice which compliments and complements your poem. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 16-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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Thank you very much for your complimentary comment. I was talking here about the tide flooding not flood as in disaster.
