Comment from flylikeaneagle

Excellent

Davisr: She was stumbled...figure of a man/ only error I saw in your writing. I like your story. Where is this blizzard? Did the old man just want attention since he delayed her from leaving. Why didn't he go to the hospital. Now, I need to read part two. Good story line. flylikeaneagle

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2015

Thank you so much for the review. I will look at that line.
The blizzard is in Ellicott City, Md, now it's source is yet to be revealed!
For the rest of it, there are answers, but they are further down the road. Thanks, again, for taking the time to review!
Rhonda

Comment from Cat of Letters

Excellent

Hi,

This is a promising beginning. I shall be interested to see where you take this story.

Thanks for putting in the helpful author's notes. It certainly sounds like it is going to be different.

I found it a good read, only spag was you put 'continuing onward'. I think the grammar of this is dubious. It is only a little better than continuing on. It could likely be phrased better.

An enjoyable chapter, leaves the reader wondering what is to come.

Best wishes, Alison

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2015

Thank you, Alison, I will revisit the phrase and see how I can improve it. I really appreciate detailed reviews, thanks so much!
Rhonda

Comment from MelB

Excellent

This is a very interesting start to the story. The characters are believable. This man is definitely making things tough for Cadence, wanting to work off a $5 ticket. I wonder what kind of work one would have to do to pay it off? I found no SPAG.

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 Comment Written 12-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2015

Thank you so much for your review and comments! Yes, C-Daddy will cause more problems along the way, and in the end, he makes the $5 debt good. Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from royowen

Excellent

A good opening to your story Rhonda, the mysterious man that Cadence has stopped to help, has been waylaid by some men, she disturbed them and they ran away, the man who calls himself refuses emergency help, from all those involved in emergency help, Cadence finally offers $5 to get the man home by bus, but he insists on working for it! Nice start Rhonda, well scribed and engaging, no detected spags, well done,blessings, Roy.

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 Comment Written 12-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2015

Thank you so much, Roy. This is the first time I have posted a book, and it's at about 45,000 words, which I hope to whittle down and edit in this forum. So far all I have done is enter contests to improve my skills. Thanks for taking the time to review the first part of my first chapter!
Rhonda

reply by royowen on 12-Apr-2015

Well done, you write well, Shirley,