Memoir
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Into the Corps"True story
9 total reviews
Comment from Helena Frances
I was tired of all the deployments, and I'm not your wife!
You've described an extended period of your life in a few well detailed
paragraphs. I'm guessing you make your classroom an interesting place to be:)
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2015
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I was tired of all the deployments, and I'm not your wife!
You've described an extended period of your life in a few well detailed
paragraphs. I'm guessing you make your classroom an interesting place to be:)
Comment Written 09-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Helena, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Gunner Lil
Well written for an old salt grunt. I can see your uncle up your butt for that one last body to make his monthly quota. It is hard to write about time in the Corps. Most people won't believe it. I could never teach H.S.
Good Luck!! Semper Fi.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2015
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Well written for an old salt grunt. I can see your uncle up your butt for that one last body to make his monthly quota. It is hard to write about time in the Corps. Most people won't believe it. I could never teach H.S.
Good Luck!! Semper Fi.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Gunner, for the positive review. Good to see another DD check in to the site. I see you have Bob on your fan page. His dialog is very comfortable and humorous ( in a sarcastic way). Dean Kuch likes writing horror and is uber- popular on the site as well. He's another jarhead. SF!
Comment from LIJ Red
This should be a good entry into the nonfiction writing contest. It is an interesting read, revealing a lot about
the Marine, the Marines, and American history. Excellent.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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This should be a good entry into the nonfiction writing contest. It is an interesting read, revealing a lot about
the Marine, the Marines, and American history. Excellent.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Thank you, LIJ, for the positive review and endorsement.
Comment from kriver
Hi, Bill
Semper Fi I was in our Corps 1971-1973
I didn't get to leave the USA. I got stuck at Quantico the whole time I was in.
I laughed all the way through this write, because every time you said you wouldn't be sent out . The next thing you know your on your way. There are several other brothers of our Corps on fan story. Dean Kuch the horror story writer, and mastery, he was a lifer too. He just did publish a book from here called Fatal Beauty.I really liked your write. I know it wasn't suppose to be funny it just was to me. Here I was begging my Col to send me to the Nam or some place. But he wouldn't do it. I am positive he saved my life. Anyways I don't know if your new or not. But welcome to fan story if you are. How did you get away with jacking up an army LT? if you need help just ask one of us. welcome home brother Semper Fi, K River
K River
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Hi, Bill
Semper Fi I was in our Corps 1971-1973
I didn't get to leave the USA. I got stuck at Quantico the whole time I was in.
I laughed all the way through this write, because every time you said you wouldn't be sent out . The next thing you know your on your way. There are several other brothers of our Corps on fan story. Dean Kuch the horror story writer, and mastery, he was a lifer too. He just did publish a book from here called Fatal Beauty.I really liked your write. I know it wasn't suppose to be funny it just was to me. Here I was begging my Col to send me to the Nam or some place. But he wouldn't do it. I am positive he saved my life. Anyways I don't know if your new or not. But welcome to fan story if you are. How did you get away with jacking up an army LT? if you need help just ask one of us. welcome home brother Semper Fi, K River
K River
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Thank you, K, for the read and super rating. I actually do know of Dean and Bob and read their stuff frequently. I just went over and read The Gunfight. I see you expanded it after the contest. You do a great job of packing all the tension into that small space along with lots of descriptive terms giving the reader a visual of this showdown. I think I'll cut and paste this critique onto the actual story. Thanks again for the great review. Bill
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Bill. I don't often read anything but poetry because I'm primarily a poet. However, I wanted to read something of yours since you so kindly read my piece, "Dead Gray Mouse." I selected this piece of yours because both my son and son-in-law were in the Marine Corps and I'm proud of both of them. Your essay is well written, concise, informative, and descriptive. You've packed in a lot of years here, but none of it is repetitive. I think of all the deployments and changes within your Marine career, choosing to be a high school teacher is the bravest. Facing those kids every day--you deserve a medal just for that. Good write. Best, Marilyn/BeasPeas
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Hi Bill. I don't often read anything but poetry because I'm primarily a poet. However, I wanted to read something of yours since you so kindly read my piece, "Dead Gray Mouse." I selected this piece of yours because both my son and son-in-law were in the Marine Corps and I'm proud of both of them. Your essay is well written, concise, informative, and descriptive. You've packed in a lot of years here, but none of it is repetitive. I think of all the deployments and changes within your Marine career, choosing to be a high school teacher is the bravest. Facing those kids every day--you deserve a medal just for that. Good write. Best, Marilyn/BeasPeas
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Marilyn, for taking the time to look this over. I tried to cram enough in to get the minimum word count, without going on-and-on about things. It's sometimes tough to keep jargon out or to not over-explain ambiguous items. Semper Fi to your son and s-i-l. Happy day.
Comment from kiwijenny
I like your life's repeat refrain, "I was mistaken."
I also like how your story makes a full circle. I asked an ex-marine now Highschool teacher which he liked best. His answer; "In the military I could shoot the enemy." Lol.
This was good writing. I was intrigued and your side bars will make good reading in the future
God bless
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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I like your life's repeat refrain, "I was mistaken."
I also like how your story makes a full circle. I asked an ex-marine now Highschool teacher which he liked best. His answer; "In the military I could shoot the enemy." Lol.
This was good writing. I was intrigued and your side bars will make good reading in the future
God bless
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Jenny, for looking this over. My wife used to comment how she thought I volunteered for all the transfers since it always seemed to be me going to the hot spots. In retrospect, aside from being apart from my family, I enjoyed being where I was sent and not spinning my wheels stateside. Happy day.
Comment from robina1978
I thoroughly enjoyed reading a bit more about your life. You started as I did, not doing that much. Then you joined the Marines. You were sent to several wars. Also Desert Storm: my husband's middle son was there. I liked it being in narrative and did not find mistakes. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading a bit more about your life. You started as I did, not doing that much. Then you joined the Marines. You were sent to several wars. Also Desert Storm: my husband's middle son was there. I liked it being in narrative and did not find mistakes. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Ine (is that right?), for looking this over. After twenty years there's a lot of material to work with. Most things in the Marines or military in general would be hard to believe happen. Happy day.
Comment from mfowler
This looked like a long haul when I started but your biographical essay was engaging and interesting from the first paragraph.
There are a number of sub-themes that keep the narrative rolling and prevent it turning into a shopping list of appointments.
Firstly, there is the balancing of marriage and deployments. Secondly is the hoped for stability of roles that ended up sending you somewhere active. Your job options were fascinating, not more than the stint in Beirut.
I'm, glad to chronicled what came before and after the military. It gives your military career context and places your story in an accessible realm to a non-military mind.
You write great prose and your story has a nice overall structure that works well in delivering this litany of life's experiences.
Best of luck with the judges.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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This looked like a long haul when I started but your biographical essay was engaging and interesting from the first paragraph.
There are a number of sub-themes that keep the narrative rolling and prevent it turning into a shopping list of appointments.
Firstly, there is the balancing of marriage and deployments. Secondly is the hoped for stability of roles that ended up sending you somewhere active. Your job options were fascinating, not more than the stint in Beirut.
I'm, glad to chronicled what came before and after the military. It gives your military career context and places your story in an accessible realm to a non-military mind.
You write great prose and your story has a nice overall structure that works well in delivering this litany of life's experiences.
Best of luck with the judges.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Mark, for taking the time to look this over. I did try not to belabor any part except the irony of transfer in the face of stability. Happy day. Bill
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I think this is well written. But pretty heavy on the "telling". My suggestion would be to break this up into scenes. For example, why didn't you finish high school exactly? Was there a specific reason. Is that something you can show us by setting the scene, using dialogue, and reliving it with your writing? From there you can set the scene for the next event, and so on.
Great story though. Interesting life told here.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2015
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I think this is well written. But pretty heavy on the "telling". My suggestion would be to break this up into scenes. For example, why didn't you finish high school exactly? Was there a specific reason. Is that something you can show us by setting the scene, using dialogue, and reliving it with your writing? From there you can set the scene for the next event, and so on.
Great story though. Interesting life told here.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Michael, for the excellent review. I wrote this as an essay, as opposed to a story.
