Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

Wow. This is clearly a field I would not want to visit. You do a terrific job with this poem. The descriptions are clear. The use of this interesting poetry type works because nothing feels forced. Wonderful job.

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 Comment Written 02-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015

Thank you, Michael, I very much appreciate your complimentary review. If I've written something and it feels "forced" or pretentious to me when I read it, then it's going to feel the same to everyone else who does. At that point, it's back to the drawing board.

Much obliged for the review.

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Second review

Superb edits! Scansion now clear. Bravo.



First review (FOUR stars)


Wow--this is haunting and creepy...very well done in terms of portraying a setting a tone and mood! Great rhymes. Fine form, except for a couple of places where the meter has forced scansion

*

secrets concealed...

seCRETS is forced scansion. Should be SECrets

(or might be diction related issue?)


*
specters, she brings,

spectRES --scansion should be SPECTres


Other than those two lines, the meter is perfect and the poem is superb. The presentation is also commendable for augmenting the eerie quality of the composition.

Happy to revisit if you make edits. As this is a contest that demands strict iambic pentameter, I recommend revision.

Warmly, rd

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 Comment Written 02-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015

Thank you, rama devi. I had to look up what iambic pentameter was because I'd entered the contest prior to seeing that stipulation. Needless to say, I wrote this with very limited knowledge other than what I'd learned. I was able to understand much of what I read and thought I had this in the correct form, but I see now where I've erred, thanks to you graciously pointing it out, and I hope I have corrected it properly.

Thank you very much for the time and effort you've invested in reviewing this.

reply by rama devi on 02-Apr-2015

Thanks for your gracious response to my feedback and bravo for superb edits. (I just made a second review and upgraded the rating).

So glad to be of service to someone so receptive.

Warmly, rd

reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015

Thank you for your help.

reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015

Thank you, I am still learning the technical side of poetry and your help is very much welcomed.

reply by rama devi on 02-Apr-2015

Most welcome! :) Thanks for your gracious response.