People
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Be the One"These are fictional character sketches.
15 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
Wow! What a really well thought out poem, and so much fun to read!
The names alone and their shenanigans will keep your PeterPiperRepertoirePickled and peppered! That's for sure!
I had fun going back and reading it again... and I'm happy to be the one that sends this poem over the edge to be "Recognized". lol
This was my favorite part:
'Stuffed in a duffle bag she walked to the station
Caught a bus then a plane to a tropical nation
which she now owns'
(of course she does) lol
A good time was had by all. I can't believe you even had to put a "violence" warning on the thing... really? lol
Well played Mr. Schott!
If I had a six... it would have your name on it!
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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Wow! What a really well thought out poem, and so much fun to read!
The names alone and their shenanigans will keep your PeterPiperRepertoirePickled and peppered! That's for sure!
I had fun going back and reading it again... and I'm happy to be the one that sends this poem over the edge to be "Recognized". lol
This was my favorite part:
'Stuffed in a duffle bag she walked to the station
Caught a bus then a plane to a tropical nation
which she now owns'
(of course she does) lol
A good time was had by all. I can't believe you even had to put a "violence" warning on the thing... really? lol
Well played Mr. Schott!
If I had a six... it would have your name on it!
Comment Written 13-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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Thank you for this surprising and helpful review. I liked this one too.
Comment from kiwijenny
Pretty vile to cut down a Kyle and Lyle for money while
Nailing with file,,,still a girls got to do what a girls gotta do in a man's world yes a man's world,,,but where would you be without a woman or a girl?
Alive I suppose
God bless
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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Pretty vile to cut down a Kyle and Lyle for money while
Nailing with file,,,still a girls got to do what a girls gotta do in a man's world yes a man's world,,,but where would you be without a woman or a girl?
Alive I suppose
God bless
Comment Written 05-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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Thanks, Jenny, for the kind and encouraging review. Bill
Comment from LIJ Red
Like Mithridates, let's sample the killing store until we are seasoned sound, and
nothing shocks or surprises up, and be the one with the gun. I like it, even the drop line ending each stanza...
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Like Mithridates, let's sample the killing store until we are seasoned sound, and
nothing shocks or surprises up, and be the one with the gun. I like it, even the drop line ending each stanza...
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, LIJ, for the encouraging review.
Comment from fimarie78
Firstly, don't apologise. Violence and drugs are there whether we like it or not and good on you for having the courage to explore this.
I liked the internal rhymes with the names of the characters. Also, that you didn't use the stereotype of making them all male.
The use of rhyming couplets worked well, but the additional shorter line prevented it having a jaunty, cheerful rhythm.
This would work well as a rap.
best wishes Fiona
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Firstly, don't apologise. Violence and drugs are there whether we like it or not and good on you for having the courage to explore this.
I liked the internal rhymes with the names of the characters. Also, that you didn't use the stereotype of making them all male.
The use of rhyming couplets worked well, but the additional shorter line prevented it having a jaunty, cheerful rhythm.
This would work well as a rap.
best wishes Fiona
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Fiona, for the excellent review.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a rather violent poem and I am not sorry to have read it. My reason is this probably all too often is something that goes down in the drug communities. Sad as it be. Patroicia
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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This is a rather violent poem and I am not sorry to have read it. My reason is this probably all too often is something that goes down in the drug communities. Sad as it be. Patroicia
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Patricia, for the excellent review.
Comment from Delahay
As far as the violence goes, you did warn people. If they didn't pay any attention and are offended that is their problem. I liked the story and, in particular, the moral of your story. If your going against the big boys, be the baddest person around.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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As far as the violence goes, you did warn people. If they didn't pay any attention and are offended that is their problem. I liked the story and, in particular, the moral of your story. If your going against the big boys, be the baddest person around.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Delahay, for the excellent review.
Comment from resist-impulse
Great rhyming and true poetry haha..I like the lesson of always be prepared and be the smartest one in the group. Very clever writing!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Great rhyming and true poetry haha..I like the lesson of always be prepared and be the smartest one in the group. Very clever writing!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, r-i, for the excellent review.
Comment from Gloria ....
Bill, I love this. It's fresh, unique has a terrific beat of its own and it rhymes where it counts.
So Kayla walked away with everything after all. I guess that just goes to show ya, being the one with the gun might just land you the tropical nation.
I like this lots, Bill. It's good to see some variety around the FanStory campfire.
Gloria
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Bill, I love this. It's fresh, unique has a terrific beat of its own and it rhymes where it counts.
So Kayla walked away with everything after all. I guess that just goes to show ya, being the one with the gun might just land you the tropical nation.
I like this lots, Bill. It's good to see some variety around the FanStory campfire.
Gloria
Comment Written 02-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Gloria, for the excellent review.
Comment from krys123
Bill; Intriguing story
+ good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and idea or concept from one line and stanza to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Rhyming Internal and external and each rhyming word was contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm flow smooth throughout the poem and also making the rhyming neither forced nor labored.
+ Rhythmic meter (mixed invariable syllables per line), cadence, tempo, movement and timing all were helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
+ Imagery is very distinct and clear and notably expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive Especially in the transaction of purchasing and acquiring drugs.
+ Poetic assessment and summary: a fascinating story within a poem which is very well composed in its format and presented in a way to hold the reader interested throughout the writing. I particularly enjoyed the reading and this writing because it offered excitement and intrigue.
+ Thank you for sharing and posting Bill and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Bill; Intriguing story
+ good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and idea or concept from one line and stanza to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Rhyming Internal and external and each rhyming word was contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm flow smooth throughout the poem and also making the rhyming neither forced nor labored.
+ Rhythmic meter (mixed invariable syllables per line), cadence, tempo, movement and timing all were helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
+ Imagery is very distinct and clear and notably expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive Especially in the transaction of purchasing and acquiring drugs.
+ Poetic assessment and summary: a fascinating story within a poem which is very well composed in its format and presented in a way to hold the reader interested throughout the writing. I particularly enjoyed the reading and this writing because it offered excitement and intrigue.
+ Thank you for sharing and posting Bill and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 02-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Alex, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Now that was pretty amazing my friend.
Thanks for using the picture. I arrived at the scene to help a friend, his wife was drunk, had a gun and threw all his stuff outside and dared him to come closer. The picture is distorted to protect the identity, but it seems you got the message.
I enjoyed your post!
Loyd
By the way, thanks for serving our country! Salute!!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Now that was pretty amazing my friend.
Thanks for using the picture. I arrived at the scene to help a friend, his wife was drunk, had a gun and threw all his stuff outside and dared him to come closer. The picture is distorted to protect the identity, but it seems you got the message.
I enjoyed your post!
Loyd
By the way, thanks for serving our country! Salute!!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Loyd, for the excellent review and use of the great picture. Bill
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You are welcome, Loyd
