In Fields of Clover
Casualty of war56 total reviews
Comment from evilynne
This is a sad and touching work, a fitting tribute to those who gave their lives in service for their country. Your poem beautifully portrays the feeling of loss;
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
  |
This is a sad and touching work, a fitting tribute to those who gave their lives in service for their country. Your poem beautifully portrays the feeling of loss;
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
-
Thank you so much. I really wanted to show that in times of contributing to the serving of our nation everyone can and usually does do their part. Not everyone gets their fair share of thanks. I just want to say thank you to all the women who sacrifice and serve every day, often unnoticed and many times not thanked nearly enough.
Comment from Chris Hunter
This is a passion work. War is terrible and that fact that our "fortune" can be changed by one phone call or the flick of a switch shows how little we ae in control. I feel sorry for us all.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
|
This is a passion work. War is terrible and that fact that our "fortune" can be changed by one phone call or the flick of a switch shows how little we ae in control. I feel sorry for us all.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
-
Love is the great comforter for us all. If you love someone truly, that love will not die. As long as you have life the person that you love will live within that love.
Comment from Dawny53
First off I just wanted to commend you for thinking and writing about all those who have suffered because of war.. I admire the content of your poem.. the last stanza was my personal favorite.. a perfect ending..
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
|
First off I just wanted to commend you for thinking and writing about all those who have suffered because of war.. I admire the content of your poem.. the last stanza was my personal favorite.. a perfect ending..
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
-
Thank you Dawny. I really appreciate your wonderful comments.
Comment from ragamuffin
Your poem definitely conveys the sense of a great loss and heartbreak. A very touching piece that speaks well of how the horrors of war have very far reaching boundaries.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
|
Your poem definitely conveys the sense of a great loss and heartbreak. A very touching piece that speaks well of how the horrors of war have very far reaching boundaries.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
-
Thank you very much Ragamuffin, I appreciate your great comments.
Comment from MoonMuse
A very touching poem. The repetition of "fields of clover" give it almost a lyrical feel. Just one quick note regarding the 3rd line (first stanza): should it read "we laid down"? I only ask since the poem is written in a past tense. So, when I read "we lay down" it seemed a little inconsistent. Just a very minor suggestion/question. I really thought this was quite beautiful. Thanks for the post! Cheers...
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
|
A very touching poem. The repetition of "fields of clover" give it almost a lyrical feel. Just one quick note regarding the 3rd line (first stanza): should it read "we laid down"? I only ask since the poem is written in a past tense. So, when I read "we lay down" it seemed a little inconsistent. Just a very minor suggestion/question. I really thought this was quite beautiful. Thanks for the post! Cheers...
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
-
Thank you MoonMuse for some very uplifting comments. Upon reflection, I think you are correct it should have been laid down.
Comment from theaveragepenguin
First of all, I like how you used clovers as your grounding foundation for the poem. They represent luck and life, and I felt that this could be the perfect metaphor for the war-and-loss theme that you're going for. Furthermore, I like how the poem gives somewhat a sense of contentment and reminiscence in the first stanza.
However, I felt that the potential given by your chosen metaphor is wasted somehow. I felt that the fields of clover could have been something more than a vague reference to happier times. It could have been presented as a wish to be safe - a symbol to come home. I think you could have done this in an additional stanza in between the second and third. Perhaps you could have written something that would serve as a transitory stanza between the loss of contentment and tragedy, which I felt was only loosely connected with the second stanza's last two lines.
The poem was good, but I felt that it could have been something much more, which is why I gave it 3 stars. The fields of clover serve as a poignant metaphor, and I know that you could do so much more with it.
Anyway, good work on the poem. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
 |
First of all, I like how you used clovers as your grounding foundation for the poem. They represent luck and life, and I felt that this could be the perfect metaphor for the war-and-loss theme that you're going for. Furthermore, I like how the poem gives somewhat a sense of contentment and reminiscence in the first stanza.
However, I felt that the potential given by your chosen metaphor is wasted somehow. I felt that the fields of clover could have been something more than a vague reference to happier times. It could have been presented as a wish to be safe - a symbol to come home. I think you could have done this in an additional stanza in between the second and third. Perhaps you could have written something that would serve as a transitory stanza between the loss of contentment and tragedy, which I felt was only loosely connected with the second stanza's last two lines.
The poem was good, but I felt that it could have been something much more, which is why I gave it 3 stars. The fields of clover serve as a poignant metaphor, and I know that you could do so much more with it.
Anyway, good work on the poem. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
-
I am pleased that you saw the potential for a bigger statement in the poem. I am a little sad that I did not. I thank you for your interest and your honesty. Your comments make me want to revisit the poem and see If I can maybe rework it to be a more complex statement.
Comment from Dom G Robles
This is a beautiful creative poem.Though it is fiction as the authr notes, the image brought is keen, a soldier killed by an Impoverished Explosive Device. What I r liked is that the imagination went far into the frontline--and buried in fields of clover... which the theme visibly supports. The last two lines is clever--the figures of speech used is excellent-- outstanding
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
|
This is a beautiful creative poem.Though it is fiction as the authr notes, the image brought is keen, a soldier killed by an Impoverished Explosive Device. What I r liked is that the imagination went far into the frontline--and buried in fields of clover... which the theme visibly supports. The last two lines is clever--the figures of speech used is excellent-- outstanding
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
-
Thank you very much for your interest in and your support of my work. I very much appreciate your comments.
-
You are welcome. Dom
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate. This is a great little dedication to those poor people affected by a horrible thing such as war is. You have presented this in beautiful fashion, well done. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
|
G'day mate. This is a great little dedication to those poor people affected by a horrible thing such as war is. You have presented this in beautiful fashion, well done. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
-
Hey Fez. G'day to you as well. I thank you for your comments, I always enjoy our conversations and look forward to reading your next post.
Comment from rjuselius
this is an exceptional piece of poetic art with an important social commentary dear nomi! the words are chosen wisely and the execution is splendid!
thank you for sharing! virtual six..
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
|
this is an exceptional piece of poetic art with an important social commentary dear nomi! the words are chosen wisely and the execution is splendid!
thank you for sharing! virtual six..
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
-
Hello Rebekka X. I thank you very much for your wonderfully supportive comments, they literally have made my day much brighter.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Nomi...
Excellent write, creating the reality on one losing his/her life through the ravages of war, forever altering and shattering the lives of loved ones.
My son is a Master Chief in the Navy -- he'll serve his remaining time in San Diego. In July, he'll celebrate 28 years. We are so blessed he has remained out of harms way.
Well penned and presented.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
|
Hi, Nomi...
Excellent write, creating the reality on one losing his/her life through the ravages of war, forever altering and shattering the lives of loved ones.
My son is a Master Chief in the Navy -- he'll serve his remaining time in San Diego. In July, he'll celebrate 28 years. We are so blessed he has remained out of harms way.
Well penned and presented.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 31-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
-
Thank you Jax for your wonderful comments. It is a great pleasure to read that not only has your son served his country honorably for many years, but that he has also managed to stay out of harm's way is also encouraging news. God bless you and your entire family.
-
Thx, Nomi... (*>*)
