Bitten
How does a child see rejection?9 total reviews
Comment from Louise G 23
A great story! Entertaining and well written. I like that the reader gets to read Lilly's thoughts from her perspective as a child. It forms the understanding of her actions and behaviour and you can see that all she wants is love and nurturing.
I love the ending, it's a great way to finish an excellent story.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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A great story! Entertaining and well written. I like that the reader gets to read Lilly's thoughts from her perspective as a child. It forms the understanding of her actions and behaviour and you can see that all she wants is love and nurturing.
I love the ending, it's a great way to finish an excellent story.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Indeed, Lilly, like so many other children in single-parent homes, wants love and nurturing. So pleased you enjoyed the story. Rod
Comment from Ben Colder
One can only imagine what a day care center goes through with so many personalities. You tell it like it probably is. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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One can only imagine what a day care center goes through with so many personalities. You tell it like it probably is. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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I did base this story on one I heard about a child in my four-year-old granddaughter's day care center. Thanks so much for sharing, Ben.
Rod
Comment from LIJ Red
One of my favorite peanuts-the little girls was sweet to Linus and he didn't know what to do so he hit her. Kid's viewpoint, some backstory, quick moving dialog,
and I didn't count the words. Excellent.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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One of my favorite peanuts-the little girls was sweet to Linus and he didn't know what to do so he hit her. Kid's viewpoint, some backstory, quick moving dialog,
and I didn't count the words. Excellent.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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I am delighted you enjoyed the story. Thanks for sharing. Rod
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Your story is good on several different fronts. First, it's just a kid telling her story in a way kids might do. On another level, you bring out child abuse and the fear that gives kids of other adults, and then you brought in child love, which I believe is real, and then forgiveness. Great job with what seemed on the surface to be a simple little story.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Your story is good on several different fronts. First, it's just a kid telling her story in a way kids might do. On another level, you bring out child abuse and the fear that gives kids of other adults, and then you brought in child love, which I believe is real, and then forgiveness. Great job with what seemed on the surface to be a simple little story.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much, davisr, for this wonderful review and the exceptional rating. You are the only reviewer thus far to really see the sub-theme of child abuse in the story. I hoped to contrast that with the teacher's ability to love ALL her students. Many thanks for sharing.
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And that's one level I missed. I know way too much about child abuse and so I recognize it when it's even hinted. I think others should have looked a little deeper.
Rhonda
Comment from Tatarka2
This was really good, I think. You have understood poor Lilly and explained her behavior and plight in a way that makes readers relate to her and understand her, too. Nice work.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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This was really good, I think. You have understood poor Lilly and explained her behavior and plight in a way that makes readers relate to her and understand her, too. Nice work.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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I am so pleased you feel readers can relate to Lilly. Thank you so much for sharing "Bitten" and your kind praise.
Comment from Eric1
This is a wonderful story for this in the eyes of a child competition, The dialogue is exactly what you would probably hear in a playground today, beautifully written and I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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This is a wonderful story for this in the eyes of a child competition, The dialogue is exactly what you would probably hear in a playground today, beautifully written and I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Eric, for your most encouraging review.
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You are most welcome my friend.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ha-ha, yeah, there's a fine line between love and hate, and kids are just beginning to learn how to navigate that tightrope. When they're very young and they like someone, they'll often pick on him or her more than anyone else. It's just how kids work.
I liked the way you wrote the thoughts of Lilly in bold font. It helped me to follow along with the story a bit better.
Great story, and good luck in the contest. :) ~Dean
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Ha-ha, yeah, there's a fine line between love and hate, and kids are just beginning to learn how to navigate that tightrope. When they're very young and they like someone, they'll often pick on him or her more than anyone else. It's just how kids work.
I liked the way you wrote the thoughts of Lilly in bold font. It helped me to follow along with the story a bit better.
Great story, and good luck in the contest. :) ~Dean
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Indeed that fine line does exist, Dean. I've just learned how to use the advanced editor on FanStory, so I am pleased the bold font worked for you. Thanks for the praise and the best wishes.
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It was my pleasure, you're more than welcome. :)
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi...
Boy, this brought back memories when I bit my brother. That was not to my folks liking. No way---they were not happy with me.
I, on the other hand, go my point made to big brother. I have no idea what it was now, but that's okay---I was right. LOL....
Good take on the prompt, and a great entry. Good luck.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Hi...
Boy, this brought back memories when I bit my brother. That was not to my folks liking. No way---they were not happy with me.
I, on the other hand, go my point made to big brother. I have no idea what it was now, but that's okay---I was right. LOL....
Good take on the prompt, and a great entry. Good luck.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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I based the story on a similar story of my having bitten my older sister. Thanks for sharing and your best wishes.
Comment from Cajungirl
Your story have me smiling from ear-to-ear. This is indeed as great little story from a child's point of view. Excellent job. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Your story have me smiling from ear-to-ear. This is indeed as great little story from a child's point of view. Excellent job. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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So pleased the story got you grinning, Cajungirl. Thanks so much for sharing and your best wishes.
