Why I Am Different - A Vets Response
A Veteran Explains why he isn't like everyone else.14 total reviews
Comment from Leineco
I marched with a friend's body clasped close to my chest,
Hoping to bring a grieved mother something to bury and bless.
Battlefields are not pretty . . .
This may well be the soul of this poem.
I like what you have said here. . .but feel the form is, perhaps, too restrictive to let the imagery really soar. The deep-seated angst and meaning seems tethered to the ground, while the actual question (Why am I different) is delineated with wonderful attention to detail. . .it almost feels like you tried to answer with your hands tied by rhyme. Nonetheless an enjoyable read :-)
(4 stars) = VERY GOOD. Interesting approach to the topic, it caught my attention, and though I thoroughly enjoyed the read, I felt the construction, clarity or artistry fell slightly short of "Excellent" [possessing outstanding quality or superior merit] status. I hope you understand, this is NOT a disparaging rating, nor a dismissal of your talent. It is an honest "Thumbs Up - well done".
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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I marched with a friend's body clasped close to my chest,
Hoping to bring a grieved mother something to bury and bless.
Battlefields are not pretty . . .
This may well be the soul of this poem.
I like what you have said here. . .but feel the form is, perhaps, too restrictive to let the imagery really soar. The deep-seated angst and meaning seems tethered to the ground, while the actual question (Why am I different) is delineated with wonderful attention to detail. . .it almost feels like you tried to answer with your hands tied by rhyme. Nonetheless an enjoyable read :-)
(4 stars) = VERY GOOD. Interesting approach to the topic, it caught my attention, and though I thoroughly enjoyed the read, I felt the construction, clarity or artistry fell slightly short of "Excellent" [possessing outstanding quality or superior merit] status. I hope you understand, this is NOT a disparaging rating, nor a dismissal of your talent. It is an honest "Thumbs Up - well done".
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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I am more a story writer than poet, I assure you, and rhyming is about the only form I'm comfortable with. I would much have preferred writing it as a story, and he has many to tell, but he wanted it as a poem. Thank you for your thorough and honest review. I can take a critique, and maybe, just maybe, I will expand my horizons on poetry!
Comment from w.j.debi
Such a brave soul who has gone through things I will never understand. I do appreciate those that willing to risk life--in so many ways-- to preserve mine and those of my family. I'ill never truly know what the costs are and have no way of imagining what price is really paid. Thank you for taking the time to give voice to those who are too humble to speak.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Such a brave soul who has gone through things I will never understand. I do appreciate those that willing to risk life--in so many ways-- to preserve mine and those of my family. I'ill never truly know what the costs are and have no way of imagining what price is really paid. Thank you for taking the time to give voice to those who are too humble to speak.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your review, and for your comments. You are completely right, he hardly ever even speaks of it.
Comment from Dawn Munro
War is surely one of man's worst acts, and if I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times - I wonder how many wars we would have if the politicians were the first ones to be sent. This powerful poem says it best, and the specific war it describes was the worst for returning vets, which completely baffles me - there was no choice - there was a draft!
Excellent! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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War is surely one of man's worst acts, and if I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times - I wonder how many wars we would have if the politicians were the first ones to be sent. This powerful poem says it best, and the specific war it describes was the worst for returning vets, which completely baffles me - there was no choice - there was a draft!
Excellent! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thanks so much for the review, and you are right, the Viet Nam vets faced many challenges in the war, and even more once they returned. On the other hand, they are beginning to get the recognition they deserved way back then, now that military personnel are more respected. And you are also right about the draft - they took them whether they wanted to go or not.
Funny about sending the politicians first. How quickly do you think the wars would end if that were the case?
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I wonder if the wars would even get started.
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Maybe just once!
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LOL - yes.
Comment from Sis Cat
You are right. A Vietnam vet is like no other. Your poem painted those differences well is smooth rhymes and polished lines. The vet addresses the reader directly with an honest and urgent voice. He describes war's impact on him and his war buddies. This poem is a great tribute to those who fought for us in Vietnam. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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You are right. A Vietnam vet is like no other. Your poem painted those differences well is smooth rhymes and polished lines. The vet addresses the reader directly with an honest and urgent voice. He describes war's impact on him and his war buddies. This poem is a great tribute to those who fought for us in Vietnam. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for the great review. You're right, war is never pretty, and especially for those who fought in Southeast Asia as there were so many who protested the war.
Comment from Dom G Robles
This poem is written well, I suppose, with all the rhyme and rhythm that I think are excellent. Its image and structure are great. I could have marked this for six stars except for the stanzas I feel, that gave a little condemnation to the people at home who were also doing their part in trying to contribute something in another way. The stanzas I'm referring to are: stanzas five and six. It would seem to me that the writer sees it as a one sided affair. "While you sat home comfortable and safe....I risked my life to keep you forever that way... (Were they not paid by our sweat and blood as to fully justify them of what we all are fighting for...? This and some two others following lessens the integrity of the poem. While there are those who really
sit a down and watch their televisions, they also care about the veterans...I for one, am a contributor to the Veterans cause...in their unbearable plight as fighters of this great land. But it hurts a little of these condemnation as if we were doing nothing...the tone in a generalized form which I
felt was hurting in some sense. If that were not there, this poem, to me, deserves a six star rating. My personal view. But thank you very much for sharing. Dom
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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This poem is written well, I suppose, with all the rhyme and rhythm that I think are excellent. Its image and structure are great. I could have marked this for six stars except for the stanzas I feel, that gave a little condemnation to the people at home who were also doing their part in trying to contribute something in another way. The stanzas I'm referring to are: stanzas five and six. It would seem to me that the writer sees it as a one sided affair. "While you sat home comfortable and safe....I risked my life to keep you forever that way... (Were they not paid by our sweat and blood as to fully justify them of what we all are fighting for...? This and some two others following lessens the integrity of the poem. While there are those who really
sit a down and watch their televisions, they also care about the veterans...I for one, am a contributor to the Veterans cause...in their unbearable plight as fighters of this great land. But it hurts a little of these condemnation as if we were doing nothing...the tone in a generalized form which I
felt was hurting in some sense. If that were not there, this poem, to me, deserves a six star rating. My personal view. But thank you very much for sharing. Dom
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your very detailed review. I was trying to say what he was telling me, and he isn't the greatest communicator, but I have gone back and lessened the blow. The Viet Nam Vets had a lot of anger because of he reception they got on returning. He was, truly, called a "baby killer" and denied work because of it. Thanks so much for pointing out how it could be perceived as an attack, which is not what I wanted to do.
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Thank you, my friend. I appreciate your feed back. Not really meant as an attack but as a pointer that I, on my own was doing something also great while they were fighting in a country full of dangers. My sincere appreciation for your understanding on my own viewpoint. Cheers, my friend. Dom
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No, I understand. I think it was just because of the animosity when he returned. Thank you for your service!
Rhonda
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I wish to amend the rating of mine to 6. Thank you Rhonda.
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Thank you so much for the 6 star change. It really was a hard poem to write, not so much for the complexity of the poem, because it was not, but because of the emotional outpouring of my friend in his attempt to express what he had gone through. I truly appreciated the constructive criticism as I am much more a story writer and much less so a poet, but that's the form he wanted it in.
Comment from Dean Kuch
A melancholy look at what many veterans of foreign wars, like Vietnam, Korea, Iraq and Afghanistan, have to go through day in and day out. PTSD , along with night terrors, cold sweats horrific flash backs... all because they chose to serve their respective countries and fight for a cause many, but not all, of them believed in. We're all fully aware that along with freedom comes a hefty price tag. Still, anything worth having is worth fighting for.
Great poem, good enjambement, some inventive slant rhyming, such as heard/bird, and again/mend.
Great message here, and best of luck to you in the contest. ~Dean
"All gave some but some gave all"
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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A melancholy look at what many veterans of foreign wars, like Vietnam, Korea, Iraq and Afghanistan, have to go through day in and day out. PTSD , along with night terrors, cold sweats horrific flash backs... all because they chose to serve their respective countries and fight for a cause many, but not all, of them believed in. We're all fully aware that along with freedom comes a hefty price tag. Still, anything worth having is worth fighting for.
Great poem, good enjambement, some inventive slant rhyming, such as heard/bird, and again/mend.
Great message here, and best of luck to you in the contest. ~Dean
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thanks for the great review, Dean, as always, I respect your opinion. In war was great terror such as I hope only to read about in wonderful horror stories.
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You're more than welcome, my friend. ;)
~DK
Comment from Selina Stambi
So sad that, even now, post-traumatic stress is not taken overly seriously.
You've really entered the heart of the vet in these outpourings in rhyming verse. My heart aches for your friend.
A compelling read. Best wishes for the contest.
Sonali
I sought after an enemy who also sought after me .... suggest: ... I sought an enemy, who also sought me (after is not necessary)
I wore the same socks until on my feet tore and bled.... suggest: ... until my feet tore and bled (drop 'on')
many friends, and I promise that's (is - this is not required) no joke
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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So sad that, even now, post-traumatic stress is not taken overly seriously.
You've really entered the heart of the vet in these outpourings in rhyming verse. My heart aches for your friend.
A compelling read. Best wishes for the contest.
Sonali
I sought after an enemy who also sought after me .... suggest: ... I sought an enemy, who also sought me (after is not necessary)
I wore the same socks until on my feet tore and bled.... suggest: ... until my feet tore and bled (drop 'on')
many friends, and I promise that's (is - this is not required) no joke
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thanks so much for the review and suggestions. I always love the way you give the help tips.
Comment from Donovan
I appreciate you were the voice for a friend. I know that is how many feel. I am of that age, I get it. So I think you did wonderfully in expressing his views. Because it is not yours, or it may be...I will not express my opinion on the content. You must be a great person to have for a friend.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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I appreciate you were the voice for a friend. I know that is how many feel. I am of that age, I get it. So I think you did wonderfully in expressing his views. Because it is not yours, or it may be...I will not express my opinion on the content. You must be a great person to have for a friend.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for the review. Feel free to talk about the content, I just wrote it after years of listening to him tell his stories, sometimes bits and pieces of at a time. Thanks again!
Comment from Dawny53
I FEEL YOU HAVE GIVEN YOUR FRIEND A GREAT VOICE.. YOU TELL ALL THE HORRIBLE EXPERIENCES OF WAR AND GET THE READER TO REALIZE EXACTLY WHAT IS SACRIFICED..JUST TO KEEP US SAFE..well done, sorry about the caps on..
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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I FEEL YOU HAVE GIVEN YOUR FRIEND A GREAT VOICE.. YOU TELL ALL THE HORRIBLE EXPERIENCES OF WAR AND GET THE READER TO REALIZE EXACTLY WHAT IS SACRIFICED..JUST TO KEEP US SAFE..well done, sorry about the caps on..
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Dawny, it often helps to give someone who suffers with PTSD a voice. They have a tendency to retreat from life and to withdraw inside. Thanks so much!
Comment from adewpearl
great pairing of art and poem, which uses rhyming couplets well
good use of enjambment
good assonance like in hunted for fun
I like the contrast in the various while you, I... statements that contrast the vast difference in experience and perception
dramatic and compelling use of illustrative examples
good touches of alliteration like in country called
a moving look at what our Vets went through and the lifelong impact it has had on so many of them
Brooke
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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great pairing of art and poem, which uses rhyming couplets well
good use of enjambment
good assonance like in hunted for fun
I like the contrast in the various while you, I... statements that contrast the vast difference in experience and perception
dramatic and compelling use of illustrative examples
good touches of alliteration like in country called
a moving look at what our Vets went through and the lifelong impact it has had on so many of them
Brooke
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for your detailed review. It is much appreciated!
