The Dream
Blank verse - unrhymed iambic pentameter - competition39 total reviews
Comment from Nosha17
It is sad that moths are so attracted to light that they beat their wings on window panes or as in the case of your verse, burned by the candle flame. Lovely imagery and well chosen words to convey your thoughts. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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It is sad that moths are so attracted to light that they beat their wings on window panes or as in the case of your verse, burned by the candle flame. Lovely imagery and well chosen words to convey your thoughts. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Faye. I appreciate your review. Sorry about the late reply. My internet has been down off and on for the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I do believe you are a master craftsman when it comes to poetry Tony. No mater the challenge you rise above it and
leave a perfect example in your pen's wake. This is very interesting and although it is blank verse I didn't notice.
Well done! Deserving of a six. :<) Nancy
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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I do believe you are a master craftsman when it comes to poetry Tony. No mater the challenge you rise above it and
leave a perfect example in your pen's wake. This is very interesting and although it is blank verse I didn't notice.
Well done! Deserving of a six. :<) Nancy
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much, Nancy. That was a lovely thing to say,; a precious gift wrapped in stars!
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I meant every word.
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Afternoon, Tony,
This is truly a masterpiece and reflects just how effectively blank verse can be used to write narrative, epic poetry. I am thrilled you are participating in this contest and delighted with the quality of your poem.
I appreciate the edits you've made based on my private review of your poem. From what I can see, there is only one end-line rhyme pair issue remaining. Please take a look at lines 41 and 53 to see 'flew' / 'too'. Both have the same vowel sound and this needs to be corrected prior to the deadline.
With that said, I have nothing but praise and admiration for what you have accomplished with this poem.
The theme of your poem is perfect for blank verse. You've developed a long, epic poem which flows as does the kite. Your use of iambic meter is flawless and when added to your very effective deployment of enjambment, well, the read is musical, lyrical and there is no feeling of the absence of rhyme. The manner in which you placed the caesuras vis-a-vis the meter is flawless and makes the poem feel more conversational and natural.
Your use of alliteration is perfect. Just enough to be interesting but not too much as to overpower the poem. The metaphors are strong and effective as are the superb word choices and phrases utilized throughout the poem. Some of the wording and phrasing that struck me as exceptional include: ts snake-like flicker fell; when spilling stylus words; a blur of beating blades; at last it soared
and chased a wayward wind; as does the fisher's fly on swirling pool; o soft the dream in its becoming sigh; etc.
Again, you have provided a superb example of how blank verse can be written in a most beautiful, effective manner.
Thank you for participating in this contest.
-Ray
mountainwriter49, contest sponsor
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Good Afternoon, Tony,
This is truly a masterpiece and reflects just how effectively blank verse can be used to write narrative, epic poetry. I am thrilled you are participating in this contest and delighted with the quality of your poem.
I appreciate the edits you've made based on my private review of your poem. From what I can see, there is only one end-line rhyme pair issue remaining. Please take a look at lines 41 and 53 to see 'flew' / 'too'. Both have the same vowel sound and this needs to be corrected prior to the deadline.
With that said, I have nothing but praise and admiration for what you have accomplished with this poem.
The theme of your poem is perfect for blank verse. You've developed a long, epic poem which flows as does the kite. Your use of iambic meter is flawless and when added to your very effective deployment of enjambment, well, the read is musical, lyrical and there is no feeling of the absence of rhyme. The manner in which you placed the caesuras vis-a-vis the meter is flawless and makes the poem feel more conversational and natural.
Your use of alliteration is perfect. Just enough to be interesting but not too much as to overpower the poem. The metaphors are strong and effective as are the superb word choices and phrases utilized throughout the poem. Some of the wording and phrasing that struck me as exceptional include: ts snake-like flicker fell; when spilling stylus words; a blur of beating blades; at last it soared
and chased a wayward wind; as does the fisher's fly on swirling pool; o soft the dream in its becoming sigh; etc.
Again, you have provided a superb example of how blank verse can be written in a most beautiful, effective manner.
Thank you for participating in this contest.
-Ray
mountainwriter49, contest sponsor
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Ray. Not sure how I missed that one! I read and re-read several times. Must be getting old! I've now changed 'flew' to 'launched', which is perhaps more in keeping with the theme of setting out in pursuit of a dream. I very much appreciate your further comments and accompanying stars.
Comment from flamingstar
Wow, I was captivated (and usually I'm tempted to skip the long ones) by your word choices and enjambment. I'm so used to rhyme but reading this caused me to focus on other elements of the poem. The only question I have is about your last line and the two fertile minds: do you mean the mind of the one who first conceives of the dream and the mind of the one who, perhaps, helps to launch it?
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Wow, I was captivated (and usually I'm tempted to skip the long ones) by your word choices and enjambment. I'm so used to rhyme but reading this caused me to focus on other elements of the poem. The only question I have is about your last line and the two fertile minds: do you mean the mind of the one who first conceives of the dream and the mind of the one who, perhaps, helps to launch it?
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Many thanks, Flamingstar, for your most complimentary six-star review. Very much appreciated! The last line was intended to suggest the way in which different minds carry the same dream in different ways. I have had to edit it, however, to get rid of the internal rhyme! Sorry about the late reply - my internet has been down for most of the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from misscookie
You captured my attention from the start .Your poem/pose was v very interesting read. A butterflies and a moths life goes through many changes.
Their life is so much like life humans.
With leaps a bounds and many dreams then life and death.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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You captured my attention from the start .Your poem/pose was v very interesting read. A butterflies and a moths life goes through many changes.
Their life is so much like life humans.
With leaps a bounds and many dreams then life and death.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Cookie. I appreciate your review. Sorry about the late reply. My internet has been down off and on for the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
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Not to worry mine jumping switching to other things after this I'm saying goodnight. I had it. LOL
Cookie
Comment from Just2Write
Well, I might just as well pack up my bags and get out of town. My entry is toast compared with yours. What a brilliant tale you tell in this Blank Verse, Tony. I loved the speaker's observations as he showed us the subtlety of poetry in motion and how it lives, breathes and dies - then is reborn with a new poet, who breathes life into it and nurtures it to become something wonderful once more. I liked that in the end the Blue Jay used the streamer to build his nest, and would teach his fledglings to fly - Hence the dream continues, and the moth lives on. Brilliant matching of the moth to Icarus, the beauty and the tragedy of both lives weighs heavily throughout this piece. Marvellous, Tony. Rose.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Well, I might just as well pack up my bags and get out of town. My entry is toast compared with yours. What a brilliant tale you tell in this Blank Verse, Tony. I loved the speaker's observations as he showed us the subtlety of poetry in motion and how it lives, breathes and dies - then is reborn with a new poet, who breathes life into it and nurtures it to become something wonderful once more. I liked that in the end the Blue Jay used the streamer to build his nest, and would teach his fledglings to fly - Hence the dream continues, and the moth lives on. Brilliant matching of the moth to Icarus, the beauty and the tragedy of both lives weighs heavily throughout this piece. Marvellous, Tony. Rose.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Many thanks, Rose, for your most complimentary six-star review. Very much appreciated! I wouldn't be packing your bags just yet! Yours is a beautifully penned poem! And right up there with the best. It'll be a close contest, I think! There are some marvellous entries. Sorry about the late reply - my internet has been down for most of the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Tony,
I thought maybe you left FS because I haven't seen a posting from you in a while. Well, Sir, you came back with a bang.
The entire piece is a work of art, but here are just a few of my favorites:
1) and yet, surviving death, a peacock's eye
2) but dreams are light and apt to drift away
3) for dreams don't die, although at times they pause
This is pure talent and entertainment at its best. Here are some more stars: **********
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Hi Tony,
I thought maybe you left FS because I haven't seen a posting from you in a while. Well, Sir, you came back with a bang.
The entire piece is a work of art, but here are just a few of my favorites:
1) and yet, surviving death, a peacock's eye
2) but dreams are light and apt to drift away
3) for dreams don't die, although at times they pause
This is pure talent and entertainment at its best. Here are some more stars: **********
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Many thanks, Lou, for your most complimentary six-star review. Very much appreciated! Sorry about the late reply - my internet has been down for most of the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from madhatter1977
Hi, Tony, this seems to be an interesting re-telling of the Icarus story in poetic form for the modern age and the boy with his kite. It was a tad long but kept me interested until the end. Your author notes are helpful and it would be great to see more writing from you. Best wishes, Pete :)
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Hi, Tony, this seems to be an interesting re-telling of the Icarus story in poetic form for the modern age and the boy with his kite. It was a tad long but kept me interested until the end. Your author notes are helpful and it would be great to see more writing from you. Best wishes, Pete :)
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Pete. I appreciate your review. Sorry about the late reply. My internet has been down off and on for the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Tony, you are a master craftsman mate. This is another shining example of your deep and varied talent and knowledge Sir. This is a very good entry to this contest and I wish you luck, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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G'day Tony, you are a master craftsman mate. This is another shining example of your deep and varied talent and knowledge Sir. This is a very good entry to this contest and I wish you luck, cheers Fez
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Fez. I appreciate your review and kind words. Sorry about the late reply. My internet has been down off and on for the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow. This is excellent. I first noticed the craftsmanship of your lines and images. each line is so dense with images and meaning, I read it twice. This is almost a prose poem. I like the lightness of your touch as your describe moths, birds, and kites. This poem is a dream of dreams, a dream of flight. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Wow. This is excellent. I first noticed the craftsmanship of your lines and images. each line is so dense with images and meaning, I read it twice. This is almost a prose poem. I like the lightness of your touch as your describe moths, birds, and kites. This poem is a dream of dreams, a dream of flight. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Sis Cat. I appreciate your review and kind words. Sorry about the late reply. My internet has been down off and on for the past ten days. Best wishes, Tony.
