The Dream
Blank verse - unrhymed iambic pentameter - competition39 total reviews
Comment from Michelle1959
Excellent...I am so inspired by this write by the words that you expressed with feeling, imagine, and waiting for more.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2016
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Excellent...I am so inspired by this write by the words that you expressed with feeling, imagine, and waiting for more.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2016
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Very many thanks for your kind review, Michelle. Much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
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Your welcome. I respond with only truth. It captured me and made me think, feel, and brings wisdom, and inspiration to my mind and self. I will be reading more of your work, your a Author of good insight and your work is geat reading.
Comment from jshep
The imagery in the poem, Mark, is exceptional. I also found it do smooth that it felt like the poem rhymed. The rhythm was perfect and the dream so great thst ypu took the reader on all thd flights.
I also agree that dreams, whether good or bad, do not fade. They become a part of us and sometimes parts of them can come true.
There were xo msny exceptional lines and images i cannot begin to repeat them. I think the one that stays with me the most is the rbboned tail that was captured by the bird abd thrn lined into the nest. That has actually happened in a nest in the tree in my front yard. The ribbon was pink and the end of it hung from the nest.
You have outdone youself in this blank verse and certainly deserves to win. Well done sndbest of luck. Joyce
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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The imagery in the poem, Mark, is exceptional. I also found it do smooth that it felt like the poem rhymed. The rhythm was perfect and the dream so great thst ypu took the reader on all thd flights.
I also agree that dreams, whether good or bad, do not fade. They become a part of us and sometimes parts of them can come true.
There were xo msny exceptional lines and images i cannot begin to repeat them. I think the one that stays with me the most is the rbboned tail that was captured by the bird abd thrn lined into the nest. That has actually happened in a nest in the tree in my front yard. The ribbon was pink and the end of it hung from the nest.
You have outdone youself in this blank verse and certainly deserves to win. Well done sndbest of luck. Joyce
Comment Written 28-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your very kind words and six stars, Joyce. So glad that you enjoyed my poem! Tony
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Sorry about the mark, Tony....
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It's the kind of thing I do all the time, Joyce. No offence taken! Tony
Comment from Veeb
Tony, while I do not yet have the skill set to crititque blank verse, I want you to know that reading this was almost a sacred experience for me. Your perfectly chosen words and the wonderfully woven story nearly took my breath away. When the bird swooped down and took the string for his nest, I was completely undone.
What I found intriguing was the the reading itself was like walking a labyrinth: the journey to the center is only half the walk; it is the outward journey where the change takes place and renewal begins, but only if we seek it.
A wonderful poem and I wish you all the best in the vote.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Tony, while I do not yet have the skill set to crititque blank verse, I want you to know that reading this was almost a sacred experience for me. Your perfectly chosen words and the wonderfully woven story nearly took my breath away. When the bird swooped down and took the string for his nest, I was completely undone.
What I found intriguing was the the reading itself was like walking a labyrinth: the journey to the center is only half the walk; it is the outward journey where the change takes place and renewal begins, but only if we seek it.
A wonderful poem and I wish you all the best in the vote.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for your interesting response to my poem, Veeb. So glad that you enjoyed it! Tony
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most welcome; well deserved, Tony. best wishes in the vote!
Comment from IndianaIrish
Tony, I'm still breathless after reading this astounding piece of work. Your blank verse tells an amazing story and your technical aspects are incredible. Just one little BV poem abOut made me pull my hair out lol. All in all, one of the most captivating BV poems I've read, and best wishes in the contest. Please accept my personal six stars * * * * * *
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Tony, I'm still breathless after reading this astounding piece of work. Your blank verse tells an amazing story and your technical aspects are incredible. Just one little BV poem abOut made me pull my hair out lol. All in all, one of the most captivating BV poems I've read, and best wishes in the contest. Please accept my personal six stars * * * * * *
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 28-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much, Karyn, for your lovely review and virtual six. Your kind words being more valuable to me than a whole galaxy of stars!
Comment from nordicgirl
One of my favorite stories. I think you have taken it up a notch here. This is amazing in its imagery. I had to go back and check on the blank verse aspects. I did not know there were that many different sounds. Not one end rhyme. Wow. What a task!! Great work.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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One of my favorite stories. I think you have taken it up a notch here. This is amazing in its imagery. I had to go back and check on the blank verse aspects. I did not know there were that many different sounds. Not one end rhyme. Wow. What a task!! Great work.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for your very kind words, Nordicgirl. Much appreciated. Tony.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Tony, I am glad I have a sixth star to bestow upon this wonderful blank verse piece.
What a journey you take us on with this tale of the tiny dream embodied first in a fledgling moth (can a moth be a fledgling? Probably not!) and then in an artist's painting and finally in a boy's kite-tail, only to be stolen away at last by a bird.
I have not got the microscope out to examine this for incidental rhymes - I shall assume others have already done that. The iambic meter, too, seems to flow sweetly all the way, so no troubles on that score.
The imagery is beautiful throughout, all connected by the theme of flight and the progress of a dream that refuses to die (the Black Caps to win the World Cup, perhaps! I hope that won't be a case of zeal outrunning intent.)
Too many gorgeous lines to quote back at you. Great contender for the contest Good luck!
Steve
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Tony, I am glad I have a sixth star to bestow upon this wonderful blank verse piece.
What a journey you take us on with this tale of the tiny dream embodied first in a fledgling moth (can a moth be a fledgling? Probably not!) and then in an artist's painting and finally in a boy's kite-tail, only to be stolen away at last by a bird.
I have not got the microscope out to examine this for incidental rhymes - I shall assume others have already done that. The iambic meter, too, seems to flow sweetly all the way, so no troubles on that score.
The imagery is beautiful throughout, all connected by the theme of flight and the progress of a dream that refuses to die (the Black Caps to win the World Cup, perhaps! I hope that won't be a case of zeal outrunning intent.)
Too many gorgeous lines to quote back at you. Great contender for the contest Good luck!
Steve
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for your very kind words, Steve, and for the six stars. Much appreciated. Tony.
Comment from Pantygynt
This is fantastic stuff. I loved the way it flows and how the story develops along new lines yet somehow linked to the theme of flight. I kept thinking of this awful business of the plane crash in the French Alps. I couldn't find any rhyming sins or shattered iambs. So you have kept it all together over so long. Brilliant. This has to be a strong contender for the prize. Having already used up my six stars I can only give it five but it deserves six.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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This is fantastic stuff. I loved the way it flows and how the story develops along new lines yet somehow linked to the theme of flight. I kept thinking of this awful business of the plane crash in the French Alps. I couldn't find any rhyming sins or shattered iambs. So you have kept it all together over so long. Brilliant. This has to be a strong contender for the prize. Having already used up my six stars I can only give it five but it deserves six.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for your very kind words, Pantygynt. Much appreciated. Tony.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Gloria ....
Fabulous blank verse poem, Tony. Mind you I always love your poetry but this one is truly outstanding.
A dream as a whisper sets the soft tones that carries throughout the piece even with the flame burning the wing and the kite stashed in the toy box, to the bird.
Of course when young we foolishly don't listen to sound advice and the comparison of wax-filled ears to the melted wings is a terrific example of foreshadowing with the soft touch understated truth.
Excellent development of your metaphor throughout and the conclusion most uplifting. Imagination always finds a way to free itself.
Exceptional poetry that definitely takes many reads to appreciate the subtle tones.
Gloria
This is one contest I won't be voting for myself. The entries are all incredible.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Fabulous blank verse poem, Tony. Mind you I always love your poetry but this one is truly outstanding.
A dream as a whisper sets the soft tones that carries throughout the piece even with the flame burning the wing and the kite stashed in the toy box, to the bird.
Of course when young we foolishly don't listen to sound advice and the comparison of wax-filled ears to the melted wings is a terrific example of foreshadowing with the soft touch understated truth.
Excellent development of your metaphor throughout and the conclusion most uplifting. Imagination always finds a way to free itself.
Exceptional poetry that definitely takes many reads to appreciate the subtle tones.
Gloria
This is one contest I won't be voting for myself. The entries are all incredible.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for your very kind words, Gloria. Much appreciated. Tony.
Comment from michaelcahill
I know how long it took me to write a simple sonnet in this style so how you managed this boggles my mind. Simply reading this as poetry is such a treat. Beautiful imagery and metaphor throughout and the flow and language are perfection. I did notice some possible rhymes here and there. Not sure if they violate the rules or if my mind is just fried, but I'll point them out for your perusal.
Stanza 2
end rhyme glass/land
Stanza 4
Line 1 by/awhile
Lines 3 and 4 near/fear close together "it" repeated
Line 8 paper/shapes
Line 10 play/constrained
Line 11 within/limits/his/childish/whim
Line 21 dives/kite
Stanza 5
Line 6 alighted/prize/cry
Line 12 skies/height
Line 13 die/times
Line 14 find/minds to/two
See? Off the deep end! Well, some of these are real stretches but after a week working with mine, everything rhymes in my half-baked brain.
This is an amazing work. I can't believe the variety of images and word choices without rhyming. As I looked it over it became more and more astonishing to view it line by line. Wow. I can't imagine it. mikey
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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I know how long it took me to write a simple sonnet in this style so how you managed this boggles my mind. Simply reading this as poetry is such a treat. Beautiful imagery and metaphor throughout and the flow and language are perfection. I did notice some possible rhymes here and there. Not sure if they violate the rules or if my mind is just fried, but I'll point them out for your perusal.
Stanza 2
end rhyme glass/land
Stanza 4
Line 1 by/awhile
Lines 3 and 4 near/fear close together "it" repeated
Line 8 paper/shapes
Line 10 play/constrained
Line 11 within/limits/his/childish/whim
Line 21 dives/kite
Stanza 5
Line 6 alighted/prize/cry
Line 12 skies/height
Line 13 die/times
Line 14 find/minds to/two
See? Off the deep end! Well, some of these are real stretches but after a week working with mine, everything rhymes in my half-baked brain.
This is an amazing work. I can't believe the variety of images and word choices without rhyming. As I looked it over it became more and more astonishing to view it line by line. Wow. I can't imagine it. mikey
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thanks very much, Mikey, for your assiduous review. Ray has checked through your concerns and is happy that for the most part, the poem conforms to his stated criteria. However, he asked that I change the last line of the poem, which did have definite internal rhymes. It now reads, 'to seek expression through another mind'. Different ways of pronouncing words can also provide hidden pitfalls. For instance, I pronounce 'glass' to rhyme with 'arse', whereas you pronounce it to rhyme with 'ass'! What a minefield! Enough to cause anyone's mind to go blank! Hence, 'blank verse', I suppose!
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Love the new line, even better! I have to admit, every time I went in to edit one of these little rhymes, the piece improved. So that darn Ray guy forced me to be better. Ha! One of the bonuses of this place is a broadening of one's horizons. I used to throw in references only folks in Los Angeles would understand. It's occurred to me being here that the world is a bit larger than that. :)
Good luck in this thing. I expect we'll all tie 1-1-1. An awesome piece. mikey
Comment from trimple
Bloody hell, Tony, what magical potions are you being prescribed?
I knew you were good, but this is something else...
Adore the story that weaves throughout your free verse poem. It is almost surreal, something Kafka would dream up. Although, I think I prefer the beauty of your moth to his cockroach:)
I'm quite ignorant when it comes to writing poetry, particularly free verse. I see from the sponsors rules that you are not permitted rhyme, near rhyme, internal or otherwise, but how on earth did you manage to write this piece so seamlessly?
'a vibrant shape, a blur of beating blades.'
What a spectacular description of the beautiful moth!
I cannot give you enough credit for this, Tony. I dream of writing at this level.
Bravo my friend.
Kind regards
tracey
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Bloody hell, Tony, what magical potions are you being prescribed?
I knew you were good, but this is something else...
Adore the story that weaves throughout your free verse poem. It is almost surreal, something Kafka would dream up. Although, I think I prefer the beauty of your moth to his cockroach:)
I'm quite ignorant when it comes to writing poetry, particularly free verse. I see from the sponsors rules that you are not permitted rhyme, near rhyme, internal or otherwise, but how on earth did you manage to write this piece so seamlessly?
'a vibrant shape, a blur of beating blades.'
What a spectacular description of the beautiful moth!
I cannot give you enough credit for this, Tony. I dream of writing at this level.
Bravo my friend.
Kind regards
tracey
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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I should make a collection of your reviews, Tracey, to have at hand whenever I feel I need a lift! You say such lovely things about my poems! I shall purr all weekend!
